People inviting themselves over..

[AngelzTears]

Is it just me, or is it terribly annoying when people tell you that they're going to drop by (or stay for weeks) after you've had your LO? I'm starting to get comments like "oh I only live a few minutes away, I'll come by!" and "You'll need my help. I can stay for a week or two". I know they want to see the baby or try to be helpful, but right after I give birth??? I'm going to be a mess! I don't want people just telling me they're coming over, they could at least ask!

I don't want people staying with me while I try to figure out breastfeeding and how to best stop my baby from crying. And I'm sure their idea of "helping" is holding my baby, not cleaning the dishes or something like that. Also people inviting themselves over while I'm in labor is annoying me too, I wasn't going to tell anyone when I was giving birth but since I'm being induced it's no longer a secret. Can't wait for people to come by and take pictures while I sweat and scream. *sarcasm* lol.


Also since I'm getting induced I know now that I only have two weekends left to spend with my Husband alone. And now my inlaws and their boys have invited themselves over to our tiny apartment for 2 days (we have no guest bedroom) and are planning on just hanging around on one of my last weekends. Now I have to clean the house for them and I'm really too exhausted to do it. I'm sure they'll eat up our little stock of food too, I'm trying to get enough to last for a while after LO is here. They also let us know that we're celebrating one of their birthdays (which actually happened last week) while they're at our place, and they told us to take them out to dinner... wth is wrong with people?! Sorry, it must be the hormones lol *rant over*

 

[terri21]

OMG how rude! People should wait to be invited or ask if its ok not just invite them selves xx

 

[MrsNovBaby]

Just love people who invite themselves over - NOT! Don't know what your best strategy is. My MIL came over the other day - wish I had the balls to ask her to help with the cooking and cleaning for the few days that she was there. Hope it all works out for you, xx

 

[AngelzTears]

Just love people who invite themselves over - NOT! Don't know what your best strategy is. My MIL came over the other day - wish I had the balls to ask her to help with the cooking and cleaning for the few days that she was there. Hope it all works out for you, xx

Aww so she didn't help with housework at all? See that's what I'm afraid of! I don't want two weeks of sharing my baby with someone who has invaded my house. lol. And I wish I had the guts to say "Clean my dishes or gtfo!" lol!

 

[Sophist]

Just say, "thanks, but if I need you, I'll let you know". Or, "Thanks, but I'm not up to having guests right now." And then be firm!

No one is welcome to come stay in my home after my baby. My MIL came to help after my daughter and she wanted to hold the baby so I could do laundry, and she was embarrassed and angry at me for BF in front of her (she didn't even want to give me the baby back so I could nurse her). This time, I'm going to be clear that we don't want live-in help.

 

[charlottecco2]

my mother in law is staying with us, she has already been here for 3 months and here is for another 2 months, i know how it feels to just want to be alone. grrrrrrr xx

 

[MrsNovBaby]

My MIL came to help after my daughter and she wanted to hold the baby so I could do laundry, and she was embarrassed and angry at me for BF in front of her (she didn't even want to give me the baby back so I could nurse her).[/QUOTE]

OMG - that is terrible

 

[Jozie]

basically i just said to people like that..
" look im not being funny but id rather my first few weeks home with the baby just immediate family!! and i'd really prefer less vists as infections can be passed quite easy at this time and i dont want the bay or me to come down with anything b4 or aftar birth"

as for the inlaws... say your not feeling very good and you'd prefer to be left to rest up you dont need a celbration or partY!!!!!

honestly like some people theese days! they cant blame you for wanting that!! its bonding time aftar birth and the first 2 weeks id say are crucatial to you and the babys dad!!! and bulding the imune system up!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! how can the baby do that with all theses strange outsiders visting sake!

 

[tashaclaire]

My sister put a sign on her door - No visitors, new mum, dad and baby getting to know eachother! Thanks!

This worked for a while - until extended family started to think they were too close to be called visitors and continued to knock and knock!

 

[emmi26]

thing is hun you have to speak up explain say exactly what you told us that you would like a weekend alone with oh and that when baby comes you need some alone time. i dont want to worry you but when my mum had me my nan kept wanting to come round she got really down and in the end my dad had to ask her to leave my mum just needed to have that time alone x its better to tell them now hun x

 

[chocolate]

You really need to start practicing saying no, if not, get good at telling porkies lol! Sorry, no you cant stay over that weekend as I forgot we are already at a friends all day for a birthday party or similar!

Id just be upfront from the start, the sooner they realise you will ask when you want visitors, the sooner they will stop asking. I always get my OH to deal with telling his family no and he is just firm and cuts them short if they get funny, and all my family know me well enough to know that no means no lol.


However, this time round I have asked my mum to save a few days holiday as Im sure DS who is 2 will want entertaining and it will be nice for my mum to take him out and spoil him while I just have a couple of days of extra resting!

 

[flimsey]

I have already told my family that I dont want visitors straight away and I will contact them when we are ready.
My MIL kept saying I had all my family at the house when she had OH, I said so, we dont we need time to adjust. OH agreed so she has stopped going on about it.
I think the best way is just to tell them that you need time to adjust as a family and you will see the baby as soon as you feel up to it. Noone can argue with being honest and most will understand.
HTH
Lx

 

[Mrs_N]

urgh, people are so rude!
seriously, just say no. who cares if you insult them, this is your time. lock the door, take the phone off the hook and spend time with you new baby

 

[Deli]

Hey hun. I'm on my sixth baby and if I've learned anything over the last 14 years it's that you have to be brutally honest and stuff what anyone else thinks.

Make it clear that you want time alone with your husband and new baby and that when you're ready (by that I mean that you've got feeding established and you're up and about and dressed and your house looks slightly less like a bomb's gone off in it) you will let them know. They are tiny for such a short amount of time that it should be precious to you and your husband! Rant over haha!

 

[lillybells]

I know how you feel, my best friend has told me she has booked the week of my due date of work -WTF? And my other friend keeps ringing/texting and saying that she needs to know straight away if anything happens and she will be on early shifts next week and can come straight away!!! Now I love them to bits but if my unsociable mood at the moment is anything to go by, I am not going to be up for them hanging aorund all the time! I am going to need time to adapt and get settled the only person other than my OH that I wouldn't mind is my mum.

x

 

[emmi26]

seems like we pregnant women need to have some rules down!!! something like ....
1. unless specifically asked please do not assume you can just come to the birth its not helpful to me to have an audience and its my show !!! also having people waiting in corridors makes me feel uncomfortable and steals the moment of that phone call!!!!!
2. unless told otherwise please dont assume you can immediately come round i / we would like time to bond with baby and will text / ring you when we are ready to receive visits please dont be offended by this but the first few days are the most important.
3. by all means offer what you will be willing to help with before hand as then if this help is required we can let you know e.g shopping trips making some dinners and dropping them off etc.
4. please dont plan time off around the birth etc unless asked it will be far more usefull in a couple of weeks when i will prob need some serious housework help !!!
5. please if in doubt just ask far better we all understand whats needed and when visits will be appreciated so no-one is left out or offended .
thankyou so much x x

 

[JayeD]

I hope that you learn to say no to them. OH and I are allowing my parents over to visit because they live 4 hours away and want to be there for us and the baby. My mom has already offered to help clean the house and cook meals for us without touching the pre-made food I have in the freezer. My mom's friend would come over while my mom and I were sleeping after she had me years ago and would clean the house for her, so my mom wants to do that for us.

Other than that, everyone else who wants to be of help has offered to bring us food or take us out for dinner. They all live close by (10 mins away or less), so if we feel up for it, we can get out of the house rather than having them come over.

I don't mind if people come over and offer to bring us food or help tidy up (doing the dishes would be a great big help!)

If your family and friends don't want to bring you food or help clean while you're absolutely exhausted when you decide it's time for visitors, tell them politely that you currently can't keep up with the chores, looking after baby and making food because they are taking up your time in which to get it all done. Ask them if they wouldn't mind coming back another day.

 

[bobloblaw]

You poor thing. I don't even want visitors when I'm trying to work out breastfeeding, etc, let alone house guests!

I agree with the others - I think you're going to have to put your foot down with some people. However uncomfortable that makes you feel, it has to be better than the alternative which will just make you miserable.

I also love JayeD's idea of guests bringing food. I think I'm going to instigate that as a rule. Unless you come bearing food, you're not coming in!!

 

[Mummy2aStar]

Hun thats hormones...thats normal...and you need to learn to say NO. It seems to me that they are considerbly selfish...maybe have a word with you OH and see if he can reason with them...maybe stay one day instead of two...say you have plans...or ask them to bring food over. This is YOUR baby, YOUR labour and YOUR home...if you dont want people there then say. I had this problem when i had my first adughter...people would just turn up...i even had people outside my house when i came home from hospital... honestly i was fuming. after two days of ''surprise'' visitors, i told people they could only come between 3 and 7, and promptly told them this was my LO bath time and bedtime, and i was trying to get her into a rountine...when you explain it to people they do eventually understand...even if they dont want too!! lol Sometimes we didnt even answer the door if people turned up unannounced...sounds harsh, but like you said, i was trying to get to grips with breastfeeding and a crying baby. Be strong hun, and rememeber that t the end of the day its your little family that matter...if anyone wants to get offended by that tuff tits!

 

[Mummy2aStar]

Sorry...think i had a little rant then!! lol xx