People keep asking me when she's coming home! GRRRR!!

[mommy0629]

I guess this is sort of a rant more than anything, but I'm really tired of getting asked when my baby is coming home from the NICU Ummmm... I don't know!!! It depends on how she does day to day and I told everyone this after she was born. I realize they just care and aren't familiar with preemies, but I'm at the point of refusing to even respond to this question anymore (and have been ignoring text messages asking it).

How did you all handle your friends and family while your baby was still in the NICU? They're just driving me crazy and not to mention I don't have time for phone calls or even text messages for that matter. I have a 7 year old also that I homeschool, everyone needs to just leave me the heck alone! I'll tell them all when she comes home for goodness sake. Ok, I feel better now LOL, I'm done

Seriously though, any advise here on how you handled it would be great I just want them all off my back until after she's home.

 

[25weeker]

I usually just said that they have told me to aim for her due date and anything earlier is a bonus.

 

[AP]

Yeah I agree with 25 weeker. Although I can completely see why you would want to snap!

 

[Sam182]

I agree with 25 weeker. The problem is that people who haven't had a preemie don't understand that the baby will have such a long stay in hospital and they probably have no idea what to say to you x

 

[mommy0629]

Thanks I feel bad for getting upset with them because I know they don't understand, but I wish it would cross their mind that having to answer that question all the time makes me feel worse. I wish I could say - TOMORROW! but having to explain over and over that we don't know, she has to gain weight etc. is trying on my already very fragile nerves.

Thanks 25weeker, I think I'll do that from now on. I'm soooo fortunate that my little girl is doing amazing and has since birth so she should be home a good few weeks before her due date, but that should definately get everyone off my back about it ...and give them something to think about - oh yeah, she's not technically supposed to be born yet, maybe she does need to stay in the hospital for a while LOL

 

[rbourre]

I know exactly how you feel. My baby was born on Tuesday at 29 weeks 5 days and everyone keeps asking when she is coming home. I just want to tell everyone to stop asking because I don't know.

Everyone has been bothering me since August 25 when I found out she was going to be early. I got tons of messages every day from people asking if she was coming that day or if I knew when. I started getting pissy with people and I was like NO I will let you know when I know.

On a positive note, I'm glad your baby is doing really well.

 

[Foogirl]

Due date or before. That's how I answered it. And if you want people to stop asking, just tell them you're trying not to think about it and them questioning makes that hard. Other thing you can do is pick one friend or family member, someone sympathetic to your needs and ask them to be the go between. Text them with updates and ask everyone else to text that person if they have questions. It can take the pressure off. The other thing you can do is set up a private Facebook page for updates and add anyone you want to keep updated to it. That way you only have to do it once.

 

[mommy0629]

I've honestly just basically been ignoring phone calls and text messages all together lol. Not that I even have a choice, I'm so busy I feel like I don't even have a moment to pick up my phone and when I do it's the last thing I want to do.

So, yesterday I wrote a mass text message with an update on her progress and at the end of it I wrote "I'll let you all know WHEN she IS home" and I told them how busy I was and sorry but I couldn't answer phone calls right now. I sent it to basically everyone close to me that's been asking so that should hopefully get them off my back for a while.

 

[dizz]

Due date or before. That's how I answered it. And if you want people to stop asking, just tell them you're trying not to think about it and them questioning makes that hard. Other thing you can do is pick one friend or family member, someone sympathetic to your needs and ask them to be the go between. Text them with updates and ask everyone else to text that person if they have questions. It can take the pressure off. The other thing you can do is set up a private Facebook page for updates and add anyone you want to keep updated to it. That way you only have to do it once.

I basically did the facebook thing (while I loathe baby-bombing facebook with endless stuff it was useful in this situation) - kept that updated with weights, feeds and general progress and it kept people off my back a bit.

Having said that - when I DID get out of the hospital for a few hours - I came home and we drove past my neighbour leaving the street who almost crashed his car trying to crane his neck to see if we had the baby in the back seat with us!

 

[Kat541]

I live in an apartment complex with one of the supervisors from my work, and she was on vacation when I gave birth last week. So when she got back, she knocked on our door first thing in the morning and demanded to see the baby. I was still asleep, and my husband told her he was in the NICU, and launched into the whole story for her. She told him to bring the baby by her apartment as soon as we brought him home. My husband was like, "Um, no. We want some time to ourselves to settle first." And then he told her since she smokes anyway, he doesn't want her to hold him. She told us we were paranoid parents.
But everyday, I get several emails or comments on my Facebook asking when he's coming home. I just repeat what I said the last time. Good 'ol copy & paste.

 

[mommy0629]

I live in an apartment complex with one of the supervisors from my work, and she was on vacation when I gave birth last week. So when she got back, she knocked on our door first thing in the morning and demanded to see the baby. I was still asleep, and my husband told her he was in the NICU, and launched into the whole story for her. She told him to bring the baby by her apartment as soon as we brought him home. My husband was like, "Um, no. We want some time to ourselves to settle first." And then he told her since she smokes anyway, he doesn't want her to hold him. She told us we were paranoid parents.
But everyday, I get several emails or comments on my Facebook asking when he's coming home. I just repeat what I said the last time. Good 'ol copy & paste.

Oh my, she's worse than an crazy MIL

I don't use facebook at all and haven't for a while because it wasn't private enough anymore. My mom posted something on her FB page when I was still in the hospital after my water broke and trying to stay pregnant as long as possible and she was just innocently asking for prayers, but wow did I get overhelmed with calls and texts. "What's going on??" "Did you have the baby??" etc. Everyone close to me knew what was going on, but her message was a little confusing and they didn't know what to think. I told her NO MORE FB after that. I felt like while I was laying in a hospital bed I didn't need all these people knowing my business.

That's how I feel now too. Of course a few family members posted a congratulations to my hubby and I after she was born, but they did all abide by my wishes and not post her picture. People get way too intrusive into each other's lives anymore and it personally makes me uncomfortable. ^^^That lady would have had me double bolting my door

I tried the whole "she'll be home around her due date" thing on my nana the other day and it backfired on me lol. She said "oh no, that long?! Is she ok?!?!?" I said yes nana she's fine, but just think, she's technically not supposed to be born yet and you wouldn't get to see her if she was still in my womb. So she says, "I know but I'm anxious to she see because she is here." Ugg, I can't win lol.

She actually should be home this weekend as long as she doesn't regress with her feedings and gains weight each day and I'm honestly afraid to tell people lol. Is it terrible to keep it a secret for a while?

 

[jojo-b]

It's so frustrating. When our son was in SCBU we also had the 'ohh I just want to hold him, it's so unfair that I can't hold him' (as if it was just me being selfish) from mother-in-law. I wanted to say 'actually, what's UNFAIR is that I'm home and MY baby is still in hospital, but it's not my choice'...

I just ended up saying to people he will be home as soon as he is healthy, feeding and growing well.

People don't understand at all.

Good luck, and when you do get your baby home, don't let people visit until YOU are ready xxx

 

[Crayz]

I had this issue too. Like my blood would boil everytime someone would ask. Thinking about it now gives me the same feeling. I really feel for you! I just said "Around her due date." It was very frustrating. Worst part is I live in a different country than all of my family so they were constantly asking for pictures and videos and, "Oh, did you get my package?" Sorry I don't have time to go to the post office or upload pictures for you RIGHT THIS SECOND.

It's physically and emotionally draining and people don't get that if they've never been through it. I think a mass e-mail is a good idea. Like, "Look, sorry I don't have more information here, I'm really trying my best to survive emotionally and care for my children which is my number one priority. I will keep you all updated via e-mail as to how she's doing and when she's coming home."

The end.

Mommy0629, you sound like me. I told my family I better not see any pictures of my daughter on FB or I would have to disfigure someone. I also did not announce my pregnancy either. I was just like, "Hey, I had a baby, it's a girl, can someone watch my dogs while my husband and I are at the hospital?"

People were like, "Wait.....what?"

And I also used that line, "Um.... She's still a fetus. She's technically not even supposed to be outside of my body yet."

Where in PA are you from? My husband and I are from Bethelehem.

 

[mommy0629]

I had this issue too. Like my blood would boil everytime someone would ask. Thinking about it now gives me the same feeling. I really feel for you! I just said "Around her due date." It was very frustrating. Worst part is I live in a different country than all of my family so they were constantly asking for pictures and videos and, "Oh, did you get my package?" Sorry I don't have time to go to the post office or upload pictures for you RIGHT THIS SECOND.

It's physically and emotionally draining and people don't get that if they've never been through it. I think a mass e-mail is a good idea. Like, "Look, sorry I don't have more information here, I'm really trying my best to survive emotionally and care for my children which is my number one priority. I will keep you all updated via e-mail as to how she's doing and when she's coming home."

The end.

Mommy0629, you sound like me. I told my family I better not see any pictures of my daughter on FB or I would have to disfigure someone. I also did not announce my pregnancy either. I was just like, "Hey, I had a baby, it's a girl, can someone watch my dogs while my husband and I are at the hospital?"

People were like, "Wait.....what?"

And I also used that line, "Um.... She's still a fetus. She's technically not even supposed to be outside of my body yet."

Where in PA are you from? My husband and I are from Bethelehem.

We're in the Scranton area.

They're all still driving me nuts now that she'e home too lol. Of course everyone wanted to come visit, I limited it to one per week and no children lol. Now she's a month old so my MIL who is homebound right now recovering from surgery wants us to bring her to her house.

I feel like just shutting my damn home off and have a vm message for callers saying "Hi, we're all fine and doing well, but I'm way too busy and sleep deprived to freekin talk to your ass so leave me alone for like 3 more months. Thanks."