People offering advice...

[mummie2be]

People I know are just trying to be helpful but sometimes the advice just gets ridiculous! Yes, I know I am young, but that doesn't mean I am completely clueless.

I've been babysitting since I was 13 and had babysat from cousin from when he was 12 weeks old. Yet it seems most people still think I am incapable of taking care of a baby by myself.

My grandmother thought it was a good idea at my baby shower yesterday to tell everybody my plans for how I'm raising my baby i.e. co-sleeping, formula and breast feeding etc. Which turned into everyone telling me how dangerous co-sleeping is and started a debate over formula and breast feeding and telling me pretty much how to raise my child, what diapers to use, or rash creams. And that I need to get rid of my cats and dog because they will kill LO once she is here.

At one point I walked out of the room into the hall and could still hear everything they were saying.

 

[MomPepperdine]

Oh gosh some people I'm on my 3rd n still getting it even from family

 

[Mum2BKW]

Isn't it amazing how everyone just KNOWS what you should do with your baby? Like every baby is the same, and the way they did it was best?

I had a colleague of mine go off on a list of things I MUST do (because his wife did them, and therefore they must always be done). One of these things was to go to a bed superstore and try out every mattress until I find one that is comfortable and buy it. Because his wife couldn't sleep towards the end of her pregnancy and therefore neither will I, and my mattress will definitely be to blame. So I should just do it now. I just smiled and said "thanks, I'll keep that in mind" but was thinking to myself - "I have the most comfortable bed EVER, we spent a lot of money on a really good handmade mattress. Just cos you had a crap one doesn't mean everyone does!" But I didn't argue, just let him talk it out (which took about 20 minutes!) and then tried to change the subject.

Maybe best to not tell people how you plan to raise your baby if they can't be polite and keep their opinions to themselves. We quite often just say "oh we haven't decided XYZ yet, we'll see how baby is when he/she arrives." People will still give their (unwanted) opinions, but at least it isn't tinged with how wrong they think are for not doing things the way they did.

I hope you still enjoyed your shower despite everyone comments!

 

[Ghost]

I know how you feel. Apart from the co-sleeping bit I'm sorry I sort of agree. I'd be terrified I'd accidently harm baby , I'd never forgive myself. Im sorry if i sound the same as them. Anyway back to the point. You do what you feel is best. I'm twenty three and all I have is my family and my partners mother giving advice. I was raised with foster brothers and sisters who were babies when I was 11-15 so I helped out sometimes and picked up a few things. However I still don't really know what I'm doing with babies so I'd welcome advice, WHEN I ask for it . I have to learn some things through experience. I don't see why people need to give their opininion on everything. It's our children, to think we are going to do anything that would purposely bring harm to them is thinking lowly of us.

I have animals too and trust me after years of my family fostering, we had no incidents of the cats nor dogs being an issue to the children. Just make sure cats aren't left near the crib as they love the smell of milk and warmth, that dogs aren't left alone with the baby and that when they start to crawl educate te little one that he can't go roughing up the animals or they'll nip. Although I'm sure you already know that . People seem to think because we are young parents we don't have sense.

 

[Zfbaby]

There are a tonne of cultures who favour co-sleeping and plenty of info to back up the benefits. It's not for me just because I like my bed to myself but if that's what you've chosen along with anything else they should respect it. If they are that bothered and think they know best they can have a baby of their own. I got a lot of comments about wanting to use cloth nappies and most came fromm people who had zero up to date info on how they work.

 

[alisha_t]

I keep telling myself that I WILL remember how all of this feels when I am in a situation where I think I should give advice, such as to my own kids, nieces, etc. I can't believe how much women forget how this feels!

 

[xforuiholdonx]

Probably would have had a major FREAK out on EVERY SINGLE PERSON. I ignore others advice as I physcially cant tolerate some of the stupidity. Like you, Im 20, but this is my third pregnancy, and second child... Its like uhh I think I know what Im doing, how I want to feed my child, If im going to "need an epidural", etc.

 

[soulvibe]

Ugh. I would totally have freaked on everybody too. Like eff you. lol. I'm getting sick of everybody telling me that I should practice on dolls and try to spend time with other people's kids (like that's not creepy anyway). I mean do they seriously think I've never changed a damn diaper before in my life or given a kid a bath? I'm not challenged or something for pete's sakes!

 

[special_kala]

Your always going to get crap about co sleeping. People forget its the natural way babies are supposed to sleep.

 

[Abz1982]

I know how you feel, adn I admit I have been guilty of doing it to my freind with her new one, I have to keep facepalming myself!

With this pregnancy I have had th emost 'advice' from my single, childless colleagues............the ones with 2 kids just smile THAT smile, lol. Cant wait till I can just do that.

 

[Sarah125]

Just ignore them, that's what I do I'm happy to listen but I will do it the way I feel is best. Everyone will have different views so best just to take it with a pinch of salt.

I've never had such a more negative reaction than when I said I was going to be using cloth nappies. People were horrified it's me that has to wash them etc not them...!

I hope I never turn into one of these advice-giving people

 

[3xpire]

I feel ya there. Shopping the other day with my fiance and his mother and sister, all we were getting is how I'm wrong for not wanting to throw extra pillows and blankets in our girl's crib, how I'm wrong for wanting to use a paci, how we're terrible for wanting to still use neutral clothing for her (we dont want to use too much pink so that if we have a boy next, we wont have to buy as much), all this stuff. Suddenly family members and family friends think they're my midwife and that they have my parenting choices decided FOR me lol. It's a little too hard sometimes to just smile and nod, I'll say that much.

 

[Scorpio23]

I started getting it before I was even pregnant. A lady at work trying to coach me on how to get pregnant (I did not announce that I was trying). She kept bringing it up and did not realise that I had just had a miscarriage at the time. It's worse now that I'm actually pregnant lol.

I think people just want to help and don't realise that their advice is unwanted. I ignore it.You need to do what you think is best for you and the baby.

Family is the worst. My MIL was trying to get me to change her grandaughters diapers like I didn't know what to do. I did have two nephews who lived with me when I was 14. And she knows that I looked after them ALOT.

 

[soulvibe]

Ugh. This one is driving me nuts too. I think it's a boy but I'm still team yellow here and everyone will not stop making comments about how "Well, if it's a girl, I guess that onesie with a firetruck on it won't be any good" or "I guess you can just pass on this hoodie to somebody else if it's not a boy." And I'm like what? Who the heck says just cuz she's a girl she can't like firetrucks or wear hoodies? And if it's a boy and he wants to play with Barbie & Ken.. well, whatever. Geez people. It completely irritates me. I even had someone offer to seperate the "girl" stuff from the "boy" stuff for me and it's like.. No! I am using that blue cardi no matter what sex the baby is. I don't care if you think it HAS to be pink if it's a girl.

how we're terrible for wanting to still use neutral clothing for her (we dont want to use too much pink so that if we have a boy next, we wont have to buy as much), all this stuff. .

 

[Scorpio23]

Just ignore them, that's what I do I'm happy to listen but I will do it the way I feel is best. Everyone will have different views so best just to take it with a pinch of salt.

I've never had such a more negative reaction than when I said I was going to be using cloth nappies. People were horrified it's me that has to wash them etc not them...!

I hope I never turn into one of these advice-giving people

Good on you for going with cloth nappies