Peoples views on who decides to have a baby

[Mrs Doddy]

Its their opinion I know but on talking to people as to why are we are not ttc until next year (H wants to have another year of Mototbike racing) they have said that it is not just his desicion errrmmmm no but its not just mine either - I am shocked that some people think it is ok just to make the desicion on my own. We are married we do things when we both agree to them not when one person says so.

I think this is weird that people think this is acceptable - I would never deliberately get pregnant (which these collegues were saying) without knowing that H was happy with the idea. Ok I am not overjoyed at having had to wait but the time has actually come round quickly and next week i start pregnacare.

<shrugs>

 

[Wife]

I think it's a joint decision. I feel if your partner can't trust you to respect that, then they can't trust you at all. So I'd never make that decision on my own.

 

[charliemeg]

I am ready for a child now but DH isnt so I would NEVER get pregnant on purpose. It is totally wrong. It takes two to make and raise a child so it should take two to decide when the right time is.

 

[LeaArr]

I would never get pregnant on purpose either. I agree that both parties have to be in to it. In most instances though, I have found that the woman is ready before the man is, so it ultimately rests on the mans readiness in order for both of them to be on board. This isn't all cases, I know, but this is the base of the story I hear most.
I certainly don't agree with women who "forget their pill" on purpose, or poke holes in their BC in order to trap their guy into staying with them, or when their OH isn't ready.
I have had people at work tell me that I should do that as well, I have also had my boarder say that. I couldn't be deceitful like that to him. It's a trust issue.

 

[sandy299]

I agree too. I had a friend who couldn't understand the idea about setting a TTC date. Of course her dh was always on the same page as her when it came to TTC. As for me, I had to wait awhile until dh finally caught baby fever. Even though I wanted it I would not go off my pills until dh is ready and he is now finally ready. I decided to wait after the holidays.

Sandy

 

[Nik_]

I completely agree with you. It blows my mind when people say that the man is being selfish if he's not ready to have a baby yet and the woman should go ahead and get pregnant and make it look like an accident. I think that's a horrible thing to do and eliminates all trust in the relationship.

 

[Alexas Mommy]

I think that a couple should have the same veiws on planning the pregnancy. It is not selfish to not yet be ready. I don't think it is right to purposely get pregnant, without your partner knowing. It is not right to pressure your OH to have a baby when they have said hey are not yet ready to try for one... I think that is very disrespectful to your partner. Had Michael said he wanted to wait another five years when we discussed it, I would have dropped it, and started counting down LOL I don't know why anyone would say that to you, but good for you respecting your OH!

 

[Dream.A.Dream]

I also agree it must be a joint decision, i considered taking matters into my own hands but realised that there is no way in hell i could do that to my OH. It just isn't fair.

 

[genkigemini]

I wanted to agree too. When you are married or in a relationship, decisions should be a joint effort. ESPECIALLY when it is something as life changing as a baby!

 

[Sam86]

i also (although hypocritically) agree that both people should be in it together. I say hypocritically because before i got pregnant, i missed some pills. After finding out i was pregnant and seeing how bad it effect my poor OH, i wouldn't say it's a good idea!
I love my OH with all my heart, and how i could have done that to him is beyond me. I'm not a nasty person, i would never hurt him.. i think part of me wanted to actually see if i COULD get pregnant.. i didn't think. Obviously.

How awful do i sound ?

I think the baby knew that it wasn't the right time, which is why i M/C.. baby is just waiting now til we are BOTH ready.

And i'm sorry.

 

[baby_dreamz]

Everything happens for a reason...when the time comes you'll both know. Or how my bf likes to word it there's a time and a place for everything.
https://tt.lilypie.com/TcRVm7/.pnghttps://daisypath.com/pic/081112/EhrU.jpghttps://nn.daisypath.com/GqyHm7/.png

 

[ozbutterfly]

I know someone who is pregnant with her fourth and all the sudden the husband is "Well, I didn't want kids anyway!"

Yeah, not so good.

I would never get pregnant without my husband's full support or in secret. Those kind of things ruin relationships.

 

[FsMummy]

planning a pregnancy is such a big thing i cant believe ppl can just get pg on purpose without knowing that its what thier partner wants. i agree with mrs doddy 100% in a marriage you do things when you both feel ready to do them not when one wants to! i brought up the idea of ttc #2 to my oh and he was so excited and said he'd been thinking about if for a while, it was me who thought we should wait till dd is a bit older and he agreed. we talked it through a lot and both decided it is the best thing for us to wait till then

 

[cazd]

Hey MrsDoddy - Pregnacare in 1 week!!! Times a'comin!! fab news.
I've got 3 more boxes of folic acid (they're on offer at boots atm)
Anyhoo...
Just wanted to say - poor Sam - so sorry you m/cd but at least you can make a baby that's born out of love - and you don't have to regret it!

I talked about my experience in an earlier thread - trying to trick my man into having a baby is awful - and I so very nearly did it. For once I was overjoyed when AF came!
I know now that it has to be a joint thing - making your baby together - must be such a wonderful thing - to hold your new baby - knowing you chose to give it life!

 

[fairy1984]

Well if it takes two people to make the baby, and two people to bring it up then surely it takes two people to make the decision?! that makes me so mad that people think its just the ladies choice

 

[autumn]

My opinion on this topic will be a bit unpopular i'm sure (hence the username change!). Im not changing my username because this is what Im doing - im very lucky in that we are TTC in the near future, but I understand women who do and am sure it happens more than we think it does.

Whilst I agree wholeheartedly that it ideally should be a joint decision, reality isnt always quite so ideal. In my experience, it is generally women who seem to get broody way before men are even contemplating it.. I know for me it was like a broody switch just flicked 'on' when I reached 25! And the same for many of my friends. It soooo very easy for men to say that they want to wait a few more years but for women the harsh truth is the peak of fertility is reached at 27.
we have the pressures of a biological clock that men just dont have.

I have a male friend who is 35, and his wife is now pregnant with their 2nd - he was 33 when he had his first. he always says how he regrets persuading his wife to wait (she was ready to have kids at 28) as when he looks back now he cant really see what he was waiting for and that having his daughter was the absolute best thing that he has done.

I just think if you wait until you feel 100% ready you may be waiting for a very very long time. Im coming from a biased point of view as my mum 'accidently on purpose' got pregant with me, and her and my dad are still together and very happy all these years later.. I would never advise anyone in their teens/early 20's to do this but I think if your older occasionally circumstances are different. E.g. I wouldn&#8217;t judge someone negatively for falling pregnant 'accidently' if they were 35, in a loving and very comitted relationship where kids were on the agenda but the man wanted to wait until he got his promotion (for example) in a couple of years time.

*awaits backlash* !

 

[sandy299]

Why I don't agree with you, everyone is entitled to their own opinion. I just feel it would have been wrong if I told dh I was going off my pills when he was not ready for a baby. I waited a few months and now we are going to TTC in January.

Your male friend might regret not TTC sooner but I know my dh won't. And even though I have had baby fever since fall of '07 I am glad we waited to have a baby due to finances, job, a house ect. I know if I got pregnant "accidentally on purpose" my dh would have divorced me. Your parents might not have, but a lot of dh's I am sure would have not tolerated it if they found out. I am sure there are other posters that agree with me in that fact too.

I am currently 33 and my dh is 31. All his friends started having kids and now he wants them. I am happy with this. We knew we wanted kids after we were both in our 30's. My mom had me at 33 and my brother at 36. It just took a little more time for him to come around but I am happy that I waited.

Sandy