"Performance" anxiety!

[Khigg19]

Ahhhh! Last cycle it happened on cd13 and I threw a fit for the whole night and slept on the couch (that didn't help my chances!) and then it happened again tonight, cd11! I'm determined to be more mature this time around and going to try again in a few hours, but seriously? It makes me feel not good enough! Any ladies with me? How did you handle the situation? I might be digging through my drawers for lingerie LOL!

I'm trying not to put any stress on DH, but he saw my OPK and that it had 2 lines (He thought it was a preg test so I had to tell him it was the start of an LH surge).

 

[slg76]

This is not uncommon at all. It IS a lot of pressure on your DH. I can't imagine it would be easy to have an orgasm on demand. I think the best approach is to try to relax, talk to DH about it, and try to keep the pressure off him. I bet he's just as upset as you are but if you get mad you are sure to make things worse. Good luck

 

[daddiesgift]

Very common. Just try to have sex all month and not bring up any type of ovulation or fertile periods! Don't freak out when he can't perform that makes it worse.

 

[Destiny08]

I have an uncommon problem lol in that Im a female with performance anxiety. obviously it's a lot easier for me to fake than it is for a guy, but it's terrifying. my whole body just seizes up and as much as I want a baby, sometimes I just cant make myself do anything. then DH would get mad (before we realised it was a genuine problem) and I would go to sleep hating myself and feeling even less like having sex lol

what helps me is for DH to take charge. and if I get worked up, he's understanding, and takes his time. no pressure! gives me a while to calm down (with lots of cuddles cos that helps me ) I know its hard to when you desperately want a baby, but if you react badly he'll feel worse and that'll mean he'll feel even less like doing things

just sit him down, and ask what would help him in that scenario.

good luck

 

[missink2014]

My OH sometimes suffers with it and i always end up getting upset and it kinda makes me feel like he is not attracted to me anymore, i have tried all sorts of things to correct this but it simply dont work. I soon figured out that the problem was not in fact me but it was all in his head, sometimes if a man thinks about somthing to much it can have an adverse affect on them and they get a kind of mental block which stops the preformance sometimes this is because in there head they want to do the job right so much that they worry about it not happening and that stops them. I found that not mentioning baby making (even tough he wants one too) dose help as it is alot of pressure on him too. Sometimes us women forget about how all this TTC can put pressure on them too..

Good luck hun ,baby dust to all x

 

[jess31187]

This was a major issue for use this cycle too. I M/C two months ago, so it feels like we've been waiting for every to try again. It is so hard when DH turns me down, logically I understand the pressure he feels, but emotionally it's devastating, like he doesn't want a baby and/or I'm not a attractive.

I tried to stay calm this month, but I ended up breaking down last weekend and spilling my guts about how I felt and if this was just a sign we aren't ready. It helped being open with him, and now we're in the TWW I feel like this might be it, but I am very nervous we'll have to try again, which will be month #8, sigh.

Good luck to all, we'll get there when the time is right, right? =)

 

[Khigg19]

Right thanks girls! We ended up not dtd which is fine, I was hurting, but he was too. It's so frustrating because I joined this forum so that he literally wouldn't hear anything about ttc and then he sees my OPK! Lol, he wants a family as bad as I do so I wasn't going to lie and felt the need to explain why it wasn't a pregnancy test (he's just now starting to realize that there's only a few days a month that actually matter, lol).

Today is cd12 so I'm by no means out thanks for the support and ideas! I just need to relax and remember to do everything I can to make it sexy! We've been together for 8 years and this is only the 2nd cycle ttc, so it shouldn't be too hard to put a little extra effort in.

 

[jjbubbles28]

I agree that bding consistently every other day or often helps keep the stress out of temping, smileys, etc, but this last month was alot of pressure. Much easier for me to do it on command. Almost feel bad for him But we try and keep it spicy. Wish I had one of those guys that I had to fight off!

 

[purplecupcake]

I remember responding to this thread already but I don't see me in here, I guess you posted it somewhere else also?

I would always hide my OPK from DH by putting it into my drawer in the bathroom and would come back to check it 10 mins later.

As for the timing...I got pregnant 3 days before I got a positive OPK so I thought for sure it wouldn't work, but it did. So my new thoughts on the matter are as long as you have sex in the 4 days before O, there is always a good chance. In fact I read an article that claims you are most fertile before you ever get that positive OPK, so don't use it as a motivator.

 

[Mummy to be x]

My OH suffers with this now and then, after I went off on one thinking I wasn't pleasing him etc we sat down and had a real deep talk, he says sometimes he finds himself concentrating too much, knowing he needs to do his business and worries. Since we had our chat though he says he feels much more relaxed now, and it hasn't happened again (YET)

Huge hugs Hun I know it's frustrating but just remember it's nothing that your doing. Xx

 

[Khigg19]

Purple, I think you and I posted on someone else's thread last month. Thanks for the replies. The frustrating thing was that we do BD every day/every other day the entire cycle, so I figured everything would be easy breezy during O. Haha. But we talked about it more the next day, and I said, "screw a baby, let's just have fun and enjoy it." (<-- first line was a total LIE! but he bought it.) and we haven't had any issues since; hoping the stay away because it's rough on both if us. Anyways! we should be covered this month. The only days we had off were cd8, 11, and 19.

 

[ajksand]

We have had this same problem a few times, ended up in an argument bc I felt
Like he didn't want a baby or me. I had been on clomid then and told him I felt like we were wasting an entire month. We had a talk and he explains that he is terrified that if I do get pregnant again that another mc will happen.... Oh I also hate having planned bd, so makes it tough but we get it figured out.