Phobia of noisy aircraft flying overhead

[colsy]

Our 3-and-a-half toddler has never like loud noise (no fireworks for him), but it's always been one of those random things that hasn't got in the way of life. However, ever since we went to a flypast a couple of months ago, where several noisy aircraft flew really low, he's been super terrified of aeroplanes flying overhead. At the flypast, his little friend had a great time watching, as did her parents, me and my OH. We all showed a very positive reaction, got quite excited, took pix etc. In short, as far as I know, he experienced nothing negative at all while we were there.

Now, it's reached the point that he won't go in the garden alone in case there's an aeroplane flying (we don't even live on a flight path, so if there is a plane it's usually some tiny propeller plane that honestly is quieter than a buzzing bee). And if we're outside and anything remotely noisy flies overhead, he breaks out in a sweat and his heart rate goes through the roof. It's like he's having a panic attack.

As somebody who's still struggling to overcome her own phobia (spiders), I'm desperately trying to keep calm about LO's panic. However, it's frustrating to send him off happily into the garden to blow bubbles or whatever, only for him to come back in literally after blowing one bubble because he has seen a helicopter in the sky. I'm finding it hard to be patient here - he keeps asking to do outside stuff, and then as soon as he's outside he runs back in again.

I'm not clear at all what I'm meant to do about this. Up to now I've completely played it down, sometimes ignoring his mention of planes by just pretending that I didn't hear him say anything. When I have talked about it, I've been very casual, saying "yes, planes are cool aren't they?" or similar, and telling him about friends flying on holiday, etc.

I should stress his fear is completely of the planes flying overhead - he doesn't express any fear about flying itself, and in fact has asked several times to go on a plane or helicopter one day.

Will he grow out of it? If so, when? In the meantime, what do I do? It's getting to the point where he won't want to walk or bike, or rock climb, or go to the beach, or all the other things he usually loves. At what point should I seek help for this? And if I do seek help, where do I go?

 

[seoj]

This is my thought- but I'd just continue as you have. I wouldn't ignore his concerns when he voices them- but like you have mentioned, just say "yes, it's a plane. They can be noisy, but they pass quickly"- or something along those lines. If he is able to express or verbalize his fears- let him, and just try to help him express those fears and reasure him as much as possible during that time-- then don't make a big deal of it otherwise.

In time, hopefully, it's something that will pass- whether that be weeks or months... my LO went through a phase where she was afraid of the vacuum-- but it passed (she is still "leary" of it- but doesn't freak out anymore).

I would say- if, as he get's bigger it only get's worse (or remains a fear that keeps him from doing normal activities because of it)- then it can't hurt to see a counselor- someone that has experience with kids and anxiety. My SD has anxiety- due to things that happened while in the care of her bio-mom when she was very little-- and saw a counselor for years, still does from time to time. It was hard honestly- as it could be very frustrating when she was having a hard moment- as she couldn't just "let it go"-- and would really freak out over little things. But we just allowed her time to talk about her fears- and listen and she would feel validated and that helped- then we would re-assure her etc... it was for sure worst when she was younger and less capable of looking at things rationally-- but the older she got, the easier it got... it's a rare things now for her anxiety to flare up. But she's also 16 now. I know her anxiety steemed from a totally different situtation- but how we handle it can be similar. Might help for you to talk to a counselor maybe? They might have some suggestions for you on how to handle things (if it continues)-- it was helpful for us at least.

Best of luck it's just a short lived phase though...

 

[DaisyBee]

Megan has had a lot of fears including planes flying overhead as it was a noise. She is fine with them now, but last summer would want me to hold her and cry until she couldn't hear it anymore. She wasn't having panic attacks over them though. However she has had exactly what you describe about having to wash her hair ( getting it wet at all) and about getting dressed ( scared to get stuck with putting on and off shirts). She still hates the vacuum, blenders, etc and is so terrified of smoke alarms that it's really hard to deal with.

Anyway... She seems to do best when we discuss the fears. The other thing that has helped her when logical is to give her control of things. The more control she feels that she has the better. She can push the vacuum while it's going and doesnt freak out. But even if I warn her I'm going to do it, if she is in the room she still freaks out. She goes into her room and shuts the door. Hand mixer she is ok if she gets to help run it. Flys and bugs I gave her a flyswatter. The clothes - she now picks out all of her own clothes and dresses herself. Anytime I try to help she starts to panic that she will get stuck. And hair washing she will wash her own hair and rinse it as long as I do not touch her. So I coach her through it each time. I'm not sure how to incorporate that into the planes issue. Maybe let him get some type of earphones he can wear or something? Megan was freaking out about public bathrooms and then she started covering her ears... She is gradually getting better and not panicking but still wants to cover her ears, especially if the bathroom has an exhaust fan or if she sees it's an automatic flushing toilet.

 

[aimee-lou]

If Earl expresses a fear (like for a while he would run away from bees which is just silly IMO lol) I'll address it by acknowledging it to begin with, and discussing it with him. What's scary about it, why do you not like it? Why do you run away etc etc - try to get to the bottom of it. I then explain why it's not scary - example again with the bees - bees were scary because they might sting you and chase you (I suppose this must have come from school as I'm not scared of bees at all, in fact, well, youll see in a minute lol). I explained that bees can sting but it's very rare as they are more interested in flowers and things and will only sting if they get hurt. I then explained why bees are actually very cool - how the go to all the flowers, drinking nectar, taking it back to their hives to make honey which is yummy etc etc. We then watched Bee Movie together a couple of times talking about it, and got a book about wildlife from the library and I showed him pictures of bees. When we were out and about I'd actively get him to look for bees and get him to explain why we like bees etc. After a while he was still a bit unsure of them, and I would repeat firmly that they are nothing to be afraid of and just get him to repeat to himself why they're good. I was quite firm and did occasionally have to get him to stop being silly/calm himself down as he got a bit worked up in the early days but repetition and consistency of reaction helped enormously.

Now, he loves them and I actually have to get him to stop trying to touch them!

My point is - fears are valid emotions, but a phobia is not healthy, especially when it's something that you're not in control of. Working through the why's and wherefores can help both of you to understand and deal with it....and then you'll be able to go outside again!