Playing in the street

[lau86]

Do your children play in the street? If so what age did they start and how did you transition them from to playing unsupervised? We live in a quiet close on an estate, my ds1 is 4.5 and ds2 nearly 2.5. There are children playing ranging from 5-9 and they're all nice (as far as I can tell). My ds1 wants to play. Do I say no or just stand and watch?!

 

[caz_hills]

My son is nearly five and personally I wouldn't let him alone. I'd watch and let him play so he is involved and see how he gets on. Five feels really young to me. Like you we live in a cul de sac and we know our neighbours well - they have kids my sons age. But I'd be very nervous about him being outside with me. x

 

[Lief]

My son just turned 4 and there's no way I'd let him play out without me or someone responsible watching him. He's quite good at doing what he's told and I don't think he'd wander off but it's others I don't really trust. Saying that though, there is other kids around here that have been out playing alone or with an older sibling from about 2 and they've been fine, I just find it really hard and get nervous lol. Its a tough one.

 

[Banshee]

Ds1 is 5 and I wouldn't let him play outside alone yet without me supervising. He is quite road aware and we live in a quiet cul de sac but I would still worry about him getting caught up in a game and running into the road or something.

 

[Natasha2605]

Summer goes outside and plays with her friends. She has done since turning five. I wasn't sure about it at first but we've never had any issues. There's a group of eight of them between 5 & 8. They are always within view of somebody's parents, often not mine because of the position of the house. Tbh rarely 20 minutes go past without her coming back for something or other!

She is very independent though, very road aware and safety conscious. I trust her implicitly and she knows if she doesn't follow the "rules" there are consequences - coming in early, being grounded etc.

 

[pandacub]

I live in a flat so have a communal garden, which has a regular gate which opens onto a footpath, so it's not secure. I'd say 97% of the time, I'll stay out with him. He knows where he can and can't go, but I don't trust that he wouldn't walk off with an older child. If I'm not sat outside, I'll watch him from my living room window. I don't know if I'll ever not be anxious enough to leave him alone 😂 quite a lot of the parents round her seem to let their kids out unsupervised though. In fact, I'm normally the only parent outside.

 

[Natsku]

Maria started playing out at 4.5, before that she played in the back garden or in the communal garden out front where I could keep an eye on her. First I watched her all the time (when we first moved there and she was 3), then I would check on her every 5-10 minutes and then left it a bit longer.

I did similar when she started playing out of sight of the house. Our set up is that there are two L-shaped rows of houses, each with a communal garden with swings and sandpit, and across the road is a little playground, so those are the areas she can go. At first I would go outside every ten minutes or so to get visual contact and gradually started letting the gaps between checking get longer and longer.

She's nearly 5.5 now and I feel completely comfortable with her playing out. Its a very quiet street that only residents drive on, with speed bumps and a 30kph speed limit (and everyone drives even slower than that is its their kids out there too). She also has her watch-phone now so I can call her to check in with her or tell her to come in, and see on my phone where she is as it has GPS - its kinda cool She's allowed to go further afield (another park down the road) if she's with friends but she doesn't feel ready herself yet for that

 

[lau86]

Thanks, some good tips there. I am going to let him at some point but I think it's too soon. He probably wouldn't want to go without his brother anyway. If he keeps asking I will sit out and supervise.

 

[.Mrs.B.]

The thought of my kids playing out alone makes me panic. I think they'll have to be at least 8/9 for me as I worry someone might take them.

 

[lau86]

I worry too! But I think it's normal. I do think it's important to give them their freedom, depending on how sensible they are etc

 

[Natasha2605]

I worry too! But I think it's normal. I do think it's important to give them their freedom, depending on how sensible they are etc

It's definitely normal. I remember being petrified when Summer first started going out. It's done wonders for her independence and sense of responsibility though. And there's only been two occasions where she's messed up. Once when she went into a friends house without telling me and once where they all disappeared out of view of any of the parents. so twice in a year isn't bad

 

[Natsku]

Only had two issues as well, once when she didn't look before crossing the road (not allowed out to play for 3 days after that - she learnt her lesson) and the incident when the drunk man grabbed her but she did the absolute right thing and stood her ground and screamed so in a way it made me even more confident about her playing out.

 

[Midnight_Fairy]

I think under 5 is too young to be responsible personally. My 11yr old doesn't go out alone really xx

 

[jd83]

The house we just moved from was pretty close to the street, and the neighborhood kids all liked to play in the street. I always sat outside and kept an eye on them, because it was a fairly busy street , and people were bad about speeding through even knowing how many kids were often out playing. I probably wouldn't have been comfortable letting them out on their own until 8-9 yrs old in that environment. We just moved to the country, though, and our house is set really far back from the road. They are allowed to play outside without me while I cook dinner, or whatever I'm doing, as long as I can see them from the window.

 

[SarahBear]

I have 1/3 of an acre property that has a mix of woods, gravel (driveway) and a small grass yard in back. As you have to go down the driveway a bit to get to the street, I do trust my 3 year old to play outside with minimal supervision. As for playing on the street, we do have a strict rule about not going to the street without an adult. At 4.5, I would still have that rule. If I were you, I'd let him play and just supervise.

 

[RaspberryK]

I was allowed to play in the cul de sac semi unsupervised from age 7 with some slightly younger children and I walked to school and back on my own from age 8.
Ds isn't 5 yet but I don't forsee me being comfortable with him on his own in the street within the next 6 months.
I would think age 7 as a minimum.
In a secure back garden is different.
X

 

[.Mrs.B.]

I worry too! But I think it's normal. I do think it's important to give them their freedom, depending on how sensible they are etc

But they could be the most sensible child in the world and still get abducted.

 

[lau86]

I worry too! But I think it's normal. I do think it's important to give them their freedom, depending on how sensible they are etc

But they could be the most sensible child in the world and still get abducted.

Yes of course, it's got to be a mums worst nightmare. I'm trying to strike a balance between a carefree childhood and being risky. I was definitely playing out by myself by age 8 and I didnt grow up in nearly as quiet an area as I live in now.

 

[SarahBear]

Crime against children is lower now than it has been in decades. It's probably safer now than when we were all kids. I think a good way to strike a balance between being risky and care-free childhood, is to let them go out alone at a reasonable age AND teach them self-defense and stranger skills. Notice how I said "stranger skills," and not "stranger danger." I think teaching kids that all strangers are dangerous or that you should NEVER talk to strangers, doesn't teach them real-world skills or teach them how to properly function out in the "real world."

 

[jd83]

Crime against children is lower now than it has been in decades. It's probably safer now than when we were all kids. I think a good way to strike a balance between being risky and care-free childhood, is to let them go out alone at a reasonable age AND teach them self-defense and stranger skills. Notice how I said "stranger skills," and not "stranger danger." I think teaching kids that all strangers are dangerous or that you should NEVER talk to strangers, doesn't teach them real-world skills or teach them how to properly function out in the "real world."

Agree. I read a blog about "tricky people" that I thought was a good way of approaching it. Obviously you can't teach them to never ever talk to strangers, because there may be times when they need to. What if they get lost? They need to know what type of adult to go to for help, for example. I think as far as when to let them play unsupervised, you have to go with when they are capable of grasping those types of concepts, and when they can grasp real world dangers like cars in the road.

Just looked up that blog post about tricky people, here's a link for any interested in reading it.
https://safelyeverafter.com/index.html