Please help!! advice needed for 9yo daughters behaviour.

[xSuzx]

Im just wondering (and hoping) someone can offer me some advice on dealing with my daughters behaviour. For the last 6 months or so she has developed a terrible attitude. It is not all the time but she has had it with everyone at some time - us her parents, her grandparents, teachers, friends etc. She also doesn't listen and has to be told over and over again before she will do something. I have just learned that over the last few weeks she has also been horrible to children in school, saying horrible things and making them uncomfortable and has been rude to teachers and again not listening or doing what shes told.

We do not let her get away with this when we are around and always tell her off/punish her if we witness any bad behaviour as we do not stand for it. But it seems its not doing any good as it continues.....! We have tried talking to her, tried taking things off/not letting her do things she wants etc but nothing appears to be working.

We can't see anything that has made her like this so theres no 'problem' we could blame it on and try to resolve.

Does anyone have any advice? I really want to 'nip this in the bud' before it gets any worse....and I want my nice little girl back.

Thanks in advance. xx

 

[MummyMana]

A lot of it could be down to hormones... What did she say when you talked to her about it?

 

[leiaorgana1]

Unfortunately, nice little girls do go away... but more often than not they are replaced by nice young ladies! It's in there somewhere, just trying to find its way.

I know 9 is still so young but in this day and age, they grow up faster. And not all of it is down to nutrition or environment, it's really just how mankind is evolving right now.

I think she's just fighting the battle between little girl and little lady. There's no fool proof way to pull her out faster one direction or the other and you're likely to want to (gently) throttle her for a few years yet. Try to sit her down and tell her you realise she's not a little kid anymore (I know, I know!) and ask her what her expectations are now that she is growing up.
Of course some of it will be a no-go (still only 9 after all) but you should be able to get some consensus-type things out there. Let her experience that correct and mature (-ish) behaviour has its benefits. Show her that despite how she may be struggling with her own self, you're still her biggest cheer team. Basically show some allowances to growing up.

After all the above though, allow me to say that I am aware that very little can be as vicious as a young girl and if she is not receptive to your allowances for her being a bit more grown-up, then I see nothing wrong with a reality check. Maybe have her volunteer a bit to see how good she has it.

 

[Amy_T]

I also have a hormonal stroppy 9 year old so totally sympathise! With my daughter sometimes I think nothing works but she is very insecure about EVERYTHING which somtimes comes out in the wrong way. I find trying to spend some one on one time with her doing something she enjoys with no pressure from anyone or anything else is a good time to bring her out of herself and get her to talk... sometimes even just while she has a bath I will sit in the bathroom or we'll do each other's hair etc etc.

Good luck!