Please help, feeling terrible :-(

[sugarlove]

I am having pg symptoms again and feeling terrrified.

I had an incomplete mc at nearly 7 weeks at the end of March and my Mother in Law died unexpectedly at 65 on the day I went to hospital for my ERPC, so discharged myself and let it happen nauturally instead. We started ttc straight away again, and have had 1 painful AF and pretty sure I ov this month, and am now having symptoms 7 dpo.

My problem is I'm feeling so anxious at the moment. My husband is working abroad a lot at the moment, and he's away for 2 weeks now. I felt that I dealt reallly well with the mc and death of MIL and funeral at the time, but I'm now feeling depressed and panicky, almost like delayed stress. I suffered from panic attacks about 5 years ago, and feel like I'm getting that way again with all of the stress.

I just couldn't face testing again at the mo, and even if I am possibly pg, I'm so scared of it going wrong again, and me worrying myself into another mc! I'm convinced that every pg from now on will end the same way as the first!

I've got sore bbs again, and I've got tugging in my stomach and lower back pain. I also got a tiny bit of pink spotting yesterday, but it's gone now today.

Please help, I really need my DH here at the moment, but he's not back till next Sat. I haven't said anything to him about it yet either.

SL

 

[NatoPMT]

Hi sugar, it ok and what youre going through is natural, its completely to be expected

Im so sorry to hear of the loss of your baby and mother in law, youve had a lot of trauma to deal with and it does leave its mark. You are anxious, but that's ok

Is there anyone else you can confide in, or bring round to stay? It doesnt matter if not because you will get support and a place to express yourself here.

I used to get this weird tunnel vision thing with stress, which is a different way of expressing the same feelings that cause panic attacks. My advice on this is to make sure you are getting enough B vitamins - are you taking pregnacare? Also, some very light exercise will help, can you go swimming or for a walk? that will help use up the stress hormones and stop your mind racing - and lastly, to TALK - you are withholding your feelings as your oh is away, i assume hes back a week tomorrow rather than saturday tomorrow?

Why havent you said anything just yet? whats holding you back do you think? With these things, i always think that if you keep it in, they grow into something they wouldnt have grown into if you rid yourself of it by communicating it.

If you really dont want to talk to him, you MUST talk to us, or a good friend

7dpo is very early and youd be unlikely to get a proper result yet. If you do get a BFP when you test, this is good. I know that our experiences take the innocence out of BFPs, however, miscarriage is common, very common - but recurrent miscarriage really isnt common at all. At this stage, there is NOTHING to suggest that you would go through the same thing again.

x

 

[sugarlove]

thanks so much for reply Nato, you speak a lot of sense.

Yes I'm taking Pregnacare and being super health at the mo. Will try and do some exercise over the weekend. I know it does help use up the extra andernalin.

I haven't said anything to DH, as we're finding it hard to have proper converations at the mo. He's in LA, and they are 8 hours behind, so he's in the office when we speak on the phone. He's also under a lot of stress with work, so don't feel that I want to bother him, or get his hopes up at the mo for nothing.

In retrospect, maybe we started ttc again to soon. Like I said I coped very well with the mc at the time, and felt like I had to be strong for DH cos of his Mum, but I really feel like it's catching up with me now.

In some respects, I hope it's a BFN this month so I don't have to cope with added stress. I'm due AF on Wed, but I don't know how regular my cycles are with the mc. Last AF was really late, so don't know if I've gone back to normal yet.

Tried to talk to my Mum the other day about how depressed I feel at the mo. Didn't mention anything else, but she just doesn't want to talk about mc. I think she feels that I should be moving on and totally forgetting about it. She's had no experience of mc, and was totally shocked that I had one, and didn't realise how common they are. I really don't want to discuss this with any of my friends at the mo.

Yes DH is back a week on Sat thank god. I know I will feel tons better when he gets back. He was away when I found out I was pg last time too and went on to mc Sodding job!

SL

 

[Allym0101]

Aww you poor little darling. I wish I could come over there and give you a hug and some support. I honesty don't know what to suggest.
However, I think if it was me, I would need to know for sure whether or not I was pregnant again.
I'm so sorry for your loss and that you have no one to speak to about this.
We're all here anytime you need a chat or a rant. We all support each other here.

Luv and kisses.

Ally xox

 

[NatoPMT]

He was away when I found out I was pg last time too and went on to mc

you know that doesn't imply anything for your situation today (says me, who is trying to make things as different as possible)

if things are just starting to hit you now, do you think youd benefit from some counselling? a bereavement and a loss is a lot to contend with - and i think its misunderestimated how much of an effect it can have, our dog got run over a couple of years ago, and i was terrified for months that i was going to lose someone and fixating how how everything can change in an instant. It also triggered my husband to start properly grieving for his twin who died a few years before that - he hadnt admitted his grief until his dog died.

You have 2 options practically, a BFP or a BFN, whichever you get, its good, and it gives you a strong position. If its a bfp, a) yipeeee and b) you WILL manage. You will need some support and love, you will need to use us and your family, but it will be ok. If its a bfn, you will have another month to gather your thoughts and to decide how to deal with those thoughts.

I know you are frightened, but i have no choice but to tell you a bfp is good because if its happening, its already happening. And you will have to cope - so that means you will cope. If you started too soon, its already started. Thats ok though, this is part of the process you need to go through. Sometimes you just dont know what you need until youve already made irreversible decisions, however, if the irreversible bfp happens, at some point in the very near future, you will be planning for a very happy future. The anxiety will be managed.

Im sorry your mum feels that way, some people just dont get it. Its hard to understand if you have never felt it i guess, although youd think it would be obvious really.

you have the bumpers who do understand so if you feel isolated, use us.

 

[LucyJ]

Sugarlove I am so sorry for you losses and it must be hard have your hubby away but he'll be back before you know it try and keep yourself busy untill then do something that will allow you to empty your mind whatever it is exercise/lose yourself in a book whatever works for you and as nato said talk about how you are feeling dont bottle things up, if you can't talk to those around you then we are all here for you.

Seeing a berevement counciler might help you deal with everything thats happened its a lot for you to take on yourself be kind to yourself and know you have support here.

Big to you

 

[sugarlove]

thanks so much for the words of advice ladies.

Feeling bit better now. Went for a long walk with my dog at lunchtime, and I've decided that whatever will be will be. If it's a BFP, great, I need to relax and chill! if not I'm taking a month off to clear my head. Going on my hols at start of July, so that will take my mind off things and will be good for both of us.

Nato, thanks for the suggestion of counselling. It's something I will think of if these panic symptoms don't go away.

Either way, I'm not testing. Just can't face it. Will wait to see if AF shows up next week, and then discuss things with DH when he gets back. As you say, it's still very early days, and in my anxious state, maybe I'm imagining things!

You're all stars!

SL
XX

 

[msarkozi]

I am so sorry for your losses.

I totally understand how you feel. I miscarried 3 weeks ago, and we are ttc as well. I recently ovulated, and now am doing the dreaded 2 week waiting period to find out if I am going to have a positive result again or not.

The same fears are going through my mind. I am scared to test again when it comes time to test, and I am terrified that the exact same thing is going to happen.

I am thinking it is a normal reaction that we are having and we just have to take it one step at a time.

I am wishing you luck for a positive result. Hang in there

 

[sugarlove]

Well I think AF is about to show her evil face early this month. Had horrible period like cramps all through the night, and have had some spotting of red blood. Also had a serious temp tip.

Usual cycle is 31-33 days before mc, and this is cd 27, so feeling confused

My CBFM detected a peak last Thurs and Fri and I had EWCM, so that means AF has arrived at 8/9 dpo. Do you think this indicates a luteal defect or is my body just still messed up after mc?

Fed up with my stupid useless body. Don't know what the hell is going on!

SL
x

 

[lottie7]

Oh Sugar Love, I reaally feel for you, sounds like you went through an awful time with your mc especially given the fact your mil sadly passed away.

It would be totally normal for you to be so anxios about getting pregnant again. I was so paranoid after my mc that it was going to happen again that it took me 2 years afetr my mc to start trying again. Even with all the worry and stress I went on to have a healthy pregnancy and now have two gorgeous girls. You must remember that most people who have miscarriages go on to have normal healthy pregnancies. The only thing I can recommend is that if you get over stressed or worried when you get pregnant, book yourself in for regular private scans - it's the only thing thatkept me sane and it was total peace of mind.
Best of luck with ttc.

xx

 

[NatoPMT]

Hi Sugar - sorry things are being confusing. I think a law should be passed that makes everyone's cycles behave themselves.

You need someone more knowledgeable than me on this one. Do you know what your LP is usually?

 

[heart tree]

Well I think AF is about to show her evil face early this month. Had horrible period like cramps all through the night, and have had some spotting of red blood. Also had a serious temp tip.

Usual cycle is 31-33 days before mc, and this is cd 27, so feeling confused

My CBFM detected a peak last Thurs and Fri and I had EWCM, so that means AF has arrived at 8/9 dpo. Do you think this indicates a luteal defect or is my body just still messed up after mc?

Fed up with my stupid useless body. Don't know what the hell is going on!

SL
x

Sugarlove, what you are describing could very well be implantation. Are you still bleeding? If this is AF and you aren't pregnant, you could also have a short LP this cycle. Your body could still be adjusting after the mc. After my first mc, I had several cycles of 9 - 10 day LPs. I started using progesterone cream after Ov and took B6 to lengthen my LP which has helped enormously. I know this is all so hard and confusing. Try not to hate your body too much. Right now it needs as much love as possible. So do you. Your body will get back on track, it sometimes takes a few cycles. However, you could also very well be pregnant. Let us know how you are doing.

xoxo

 

[sugarlove]

hi heart tree, thanks for the reply. It's defo AF, it's very heavy and red. Sorry tmi!

Looks like my body is still recovering from mc. I think I'm going to make an appt with the Doc, as I had cramping pains all week from Monday with lower back pain and AF has turned really heavy.

I've foolishly been googling, and have now convinced myself I've got endometriosis!

Think might get some B6 in case it is a short LP!

SL
xx

 

[heart tree]

Did you have this kind of pain with AF before your mc? I know what you mean about convincing yourself of endometriosis! I've done the same thing. But honestly, if you didn't have these symptoms before, my guess is that you are still recovering from the mc, like you said. If you haven't found this site yet, maybe it will help: https://www.pregnancyloss.info/cycles_following_loss.htm

I think it is always a good idea to talk to your Doc.

Are you feeling at all relieved that it is AF? I hope this new cycle is more regular for you and will allow you to move on.

xoxo

 

[sugarlove]

No I used to have maybe 1 painful day, but this time, I had pains all week which got progressively worse. Now AF has arrived, it actually feels more like normal AF pain now.

Yes heart tree, part of me is relieved that AF has arrived. I feel less anxious now. I was disappointed too, but really didn't feel that I could cope with it this month.

Maybe it is just my body adjusting. I've also been having some Reflexology sessions, so maybe that has altered my cycle too.

Will have a look at the link you gave me thanks

SL
xx