Please help i'm lost

[claralouize]

Hi,

I really really need some advice. I Know that my partner is about to split up with me, he's been off all day and when I asked him if it was me he said he didn't know which i'm pretty sure meant it was me and he hasn't uttered a word to me since, we've been together seven years and I just know this is what he wants we've been here once before about 5 years ago.

We live together with our 23 month old daughter and two dogs, we rent the house from his dad so staying here wouldn't be an option, I have no family here at all my parents live 300 mile away and no friends either really, none that could help me out anyway. I cant afford to rent/put a deposit on a new place.

I work evening's part time and earn hardly anything and if we split up I wouldn't be able to work anyway because i'd have no childcare for the hours I work and I cant afford to pay for any even if it was an option.

I feel like everythings such a mess everything is in my name (bill wise) as he has really bad credit and i'm scared i'm gonna get left with thousands to pay out and bailiffs knocking at my door

I feel so so sad for my daughter I never wanted her to not have us both here, I dont know if I can cope with her on my own

I just dont know what to do or where to gwt some advice, I'll have to start again with nothing and I just don't know where to start,

Sorry for going on but I just dont know where to turn, please help me ladies

 

[BigZai]

First of all do you have a contract with his father for the apartment? Is it in your name? He cannot make you leave if its in YOUR name AND you have a contract. It may be uncomfortable but it would give you time to work things out.
Are you guys on good terms other then this? Does he take care of your daughter or is he not interested at all? If he is willing maybe you guys could work out work schedules that you work when he doesnt and you work when he does that way one of you have your LO and your dont have to see eachother often.

Could you move into your parents hous 300 miles away? Could they help you with money for a bit?

In the USA there are groups that help women with children get on their feet is that an option wherever you are?

You could call the credit card companies (if you have them) and deactivate his cards so he cant keep spending in your name.

Hope this helped a little good luck I will try to think if theres anything else that could help

 

[Terukki]

I agree with the first post call your parents and live with them until you get on your feet. I really hope things work out for you. It's not fair to you that your partner is doing this to you.

 

[Dezireey]

Start off with a reasonable discussion with him and even though you may not feel like it, agree with the split amicably and as friendly as you can. This way he may see that he doesnt have to behave in an extreme manner if he wants out e.g. chucking you out with nowhere to go or cutting complete contact. You may want to scream and shout at him but in your circumstances, I would leave that for later and try to get you and your LO sorted as first priority. Also you need to have a good talk with someone who can give practical advice on housing, job, entitlements etc. Not sure how it works in the US but here in the UK we have government organisations to talk too and get help from. I hope he will be understanding and help out and not just abandon his child with no home etc like some callous fathers do. Plenty hugs for you and im sorry you are going through this xx

 

[claralouize]

Thankyou for the responses,

We have had a chat today and he does want to split up, saying he wants a break at first but i'm just taking it as it's over.

I have to head out to work soon so we haven't worked much out but he has said that I can stay in the house not sure I can afford it to be honest though but i'm glad it doesnt mean I have to leave if I can help it.
Moving to be with my parents isn't really an option he is a good dad and Maddison worships the ground he walks on and I dont want to take her that far away from him.

At the minute neither of us has anywhere to go he doesn't really have family around here and he's worried if he goes to stay with a friend Maddison wont be welcomed for visits etc, he cant afford a deposit for a new rental so at the minute we're stuck as to what to do


I do think i'm going to have to quit my job though as I work unsociable hours and if we're not living together I cant see how it could work.

I'm so worried I wont be able to cope looking after Maddison 24-7 I know I will have and it will be ok and that so many other people do it but it just scares the life out of me!

We are going to try and sort all our bills/other joint stuff out tomorrow night when Maddison is in bed

I am in the UK if anyone could point me in the direction of some help incase I need it

 

[try4girl]

I am not sure how it works over there but could you look into watching a few other children that way you can be home and still make some money? Or is your house big enough that you each can have your own room and split the rent? If you do this I would make sure to set some ground rules when it comes to having "friends" over.

 

[Terukki]

Thankyou for the responses,

We have had a chat today and he does want to split up, saying he wants a break at first but i'm just taking it as it's over.

I have to head out to work soon so we haven't worked much out but he has said that I can stay in the house not sure I can afford it to be honest though but i'm glad it doesnt mean I have to leave if I can help it.
Moving to be with my parents isn't really an option he is a good dad and Maddison worships the ground he walks on and I dont want to take her that far away from him.

At the minute neither of us has anywhere to go he doesn't really have family around here and he's worried if he goes to stay with a friend Maddison wont be welcomed for visits etc, he cant afford a deposit for a new rental so at the minute we're stuck as to what to do


I do think i'm going to have to quit my job though as I work unsociable hours and if we're not living together I cant see how it could work.

I'm so worried I wont be able to cope looking after Maddison 24-7 I know I will have and it will be ok and that so many other people do it but it just scares the life out of me!

We are going to try and sort all our bills/other joint stuff out tomorrow night when Maddison is in bed

I am in the UK if anyone could point me in the direction of some help incase I need it

Sounds like he already has another person on the side. At first my ex was acting strange and he told he wanted to take a break but I told him we need to try work things out before the baby is born and told me he would try to work things out with me. Come to find out he was cheating on me with another girl.

 

[claralouize]

So as it stands at the minute, he has moved into the spare room and we are going to see how it goes living seperately as much as we can. We are going on holiday in just over two weeks time and when we get back we are going to decide if we stay together or split up properly.

Generally i'm feeling a lot better about all of this he has managed to actually talking to me rather than avoiding me and the issue and we've managed to get a lot out in the open, i'm not sure I really think we're going to stay together (much as i'd like to) but at least this way I have a bit of breathing space to get things in order and I know we can be amicable about things.

 

[angelpkj]

the best thing i think you can do is to act as cool as possible,the more you nag or question him etc the more you shall push him away and a split with 100% be on the cards

he wants space so give it him and hopefully he will realise if he wants to give it another go or not x

 

[tooyoung]

sometimes space is all they need and then they realize what they have is pretty good. I hope things work out the way you want. If you end up splitting, you could always see about moving back with your parents.

when i was pregnant, my bf left me and went to 'visit' some girl in another country. once I realized what was going on, I changed the locks right away! after he was gone for a day, he rushed to get back home but couldn't get in

good luck

 

[claralouize]

the best thing i think you can do is to act as cool as possible,the more you nag or question him etc the more you shall push him away and a split with 100% be on the cards

he wants space so give it him and hopefully he will realise if he wants to give it another go or not x

sometimes space is all they need and then they realize what they have is pretty good. I hope things work out the way you want. If you end up splitting, you could always see about moving back with your parents.

when i was pregnant, my bf left me and went to 'visit' some girl in another country. once I realized what was going on, I changed the locks right away! after he was gone for a day, he rushed to get back home but couldn't get in

good luck

I definately agree with the above, I have decided to just get on with things for the moment - I cant mope around for weeks feeling depressed while he decides what he wants. I have Maddison to be positive for for a start.

I want things to work out so badly but I also want him to be happy so i'm giving him the space/time he needs to figure things out.

Thanks for all the advice