please help living at home with mum and brother with mental health issues

[Angel17]

Living at home with my mum and brother due to breakdown of relationship. I am sleeping in a box room with no room so I am grateful to my mum for this. The house is not big really a small council house very run down and I just want to clean and rip the carpets out I am struggling to cope really because I want to take it apart and make it look nice but cant it is my mum and I have no money. Baby is due in Feb.


I put my name down for housing but never mentioned that m brother is a paranoid schizophrenia I have spent everyday since being pregnant upset with my brother, he smokes all aorund the house and ashtrays everywhere even when I did smoke it smelt nicer than it does in that house. My mum defends him all the time. He never helps around the house taking bin out etc etc.

he stinks the landing out and smokes in his room been awaken at 2 because of his smoking when baby comes he will be ok for a few days. Baby and I have hardly any room in my box room but mum will let us have her room. I hate all this I do. I love my brother but we had him sectioned 7 eyars ago when wanted to kill myself and my mum slit our throats.

I do not really want to stay here when baby comes.

The carpets are horrible, the wallpaper is stained dirty yellow my mum and brother both work but never put any money towards the house. I love them bot so much but my hormones are making me really agitated. I feel guilty and horrible for feeling this way but I DO NOT feel I am on the same wavelength as mum and brother.

She treats him with kid glovesm takes him coffee in bed, when baby comes I am scared he will turn funny if mum turns her attention. He can spend hours in his room smoking and never goes out so do not know what to do with my brother.

he is 28 and alot of medication.

Please do not think I am being spoilt. I made mistakes in relationships with people and wanted this baby do want this baby very much wanted and loved by everyone but really want to know if housing will help me? I cannot afford to private rent at all.

 

[mummyof3babas]

aw couldnt u go stay in a hostel get ur mum to say shes kicking u out? a few weeks in a hostel and u will get ur own house i know how hard its is when a family member is schizophrenic my mum is and biopoler so i know how difficult it is:/ and u really dont want the smoke in the house with baby, im sure things will get better hun stay positive

 

[Dream.dream]

Can you not get hosing faster if you tell them your situation? It doesn't seem to be a good place for a baby ? I would see if I can get Some kind of housing faster because of you'd situation

 

[Danie1stbaby]

Omg I am sorry you are going through this.I had to move back in with my mother when I found out I was pregnant.She is now 7 months and there are some rough days.Your situation,there is no way that you should risk staying there.Protect your baby by all means and try seeking shelter in a women/children's shelter.Here in the states,I heard that staying there it will help boost you in housing assistance.You need to be in a place to relax your mind and body for baby.There has to be other options~ It is not safe for you at this moment and second hand smoke isn't great for pregnant women either.It will work out and I can't wait for you to post a update about your move.So sorry you are going through this

 

[gracexxx]

This sounds a lot like the situation I was in,although not quite so severe. I was up until 4 weeks ago living with my mum and 2 brothers ( I'd had to move back in when FOB left me 7 months pregnant) my younger brother also has possible mental health issues, I say possible because he refuses to see a doctor as he thinks he's normal. But me and my mum suspect he has schizophrenia or aspergillosis. He doesn't go out, is EXTREMELY rude to everyone In the house ( especially my mum calling her all the names under the sun if he doesn't get his own way) he's selfish, he like you're brother smokes all day, he smashes things up, is up all night cause he sleeps all day.doesnt see anyone as he never goes out, he acts very strangely. And my mum would let him get away with it all, and treat him like a child.The house was a nice home though, everything was fine apart from him, to be honest most of the time I hate him, we were constantly arguing and eventually I had to move out because I'd had enough, it was also because I felt I needed my independence back, but he mainly drove me out.
So I know how you feel, you fear for the baby's sake and your brother is going to make things 10 times harder for you.
I'm sorry I don't really know what to suggest apart from what others have already suggested, but I hope that you find a way around this, as it can be very very stressful and not good for you or your LO. X

 

[Jennifurball]

You should ring the council and explain your situation because if the health visitors saw that situation you were living in, they could involve SS if they think your baby is in danger. You will go up the list if you or baby are at risk at all.

You could also enquire about housing benefit, you can get up to £300 I think towards rent and help towards council tax, check about tax credits too. Depending on your earnings, if you have any, the full rent is sometimes covered, my friend has a 3 bed house as a single mum and only has 1 child, all paid for, except bills of course.

 

[daneuse27]

The other ladies had some good suggestions, and I just want to say that I hope you find a way to get out of there; second hand smoke is bad for unborn babies, and it also causes an increased risk of SIDS after baby is born I'd hate to see that happen to you. I live with my mum and brother as well, and it has its ups and down... but I wouldn't be able to live there if the circumstance was like the one you've described. Try to live somewhere closeby, because you'll want your mum's help - but under her roof is not a good idea because of your brother. I hope you're able to figure this all out. xxx

 

[Angel17]

Thank you all I just woke up and can't sleep 2.30 am here went to get some milk and he been smoking in the living room and it stinks plus his room. I wish he was able to have friends dress nice and spray aftershave i hate this because I appreciate everything they do for me and it's so hard because they buy food and my mum keeps me but my brother smokes all around the house and it's small house and has no respect at all. The house is clean except got yellow Walls dirty wallpaper and stale smoke all one the house it is disgusting and am fed up. He is a loner and I love my brother but dont know how to approach him and my mum about this.

 

[Angel17]

I am a smoker and if i say anything they have a go at me. But even when I smoked I never did upstairs as rooms are tiny and yes I did in lounge but not with baby coming.