Please help!

[Ethereal]

Single mum of a 3yo and 3 week old.

Baby wont sleep unless im holding her. Shes ebf and we cosleep. She sleeps good at night cuddled into me but if i put her in her crib or chair or swing or pram she wakes up straight away and cries til theres boob in her mouth, falls asleep then we repeat the cycle. My flat is a mess. I haven't showered in about a week and I'm at my wits end really.

Has anyone got any suggestions? I sometimes have to let her cry for a few minutes while i get dressed or sort my 3yo out but i can't let her cry for too long so I've mastered doing most things one handed.

I am dying for a shower. Is there anything i can do or am i just gonna have to let her cry in the bouncer in the bathroom while i wash?!

 

[Willow01]

Big hugs hun!! I never breastfed so no advice there unfortunately but I would let her cry whilst you showered, you can't be there for her every single minute and at least if baby is crying you know they are ok. What about wearing a sling when you are sorting your toddler out or trying to get house things done?x

 

[Button#]

When my DS was tiny I found he'd be alright in the bouncer if he was in the bathroom with me as the noise of the water was like white noise. I think unless you have someone who can come over and hold her then you'll have to just try her in the bouncer.

For housework you could try putting her in a sling while you do it.

 

[MindUtopia]

I would suggest a wrap for daytime, obviously apart from showering. It was the only way I had any sanity and could manage to make myself lunch or use the toilet with my hands free. As for showering, do you have anyone who could come over and sit with her for a bit? I don't know if there is any contact with the baby's dad, but would he have an interest in spending some time with her, she could sleep on him, if you feel comfortable with that? Alternatively, you might find a postnatal doula who could provide some help? I know that's something you'd have to pay for, which might not be possible, but for a few quid if it was something that helped for a few weeks, then it might be worth it (they also do light cleaning). Or do you know if you have a Home Start in your area? It's basically a charity that provides volunteers when parents need some extra support or an extra pair of hands. I had a friend who had Home Start come and help when she had twins and they used to come with her to our baby massage class so she had someone to hold one of the babies when she couldn't tend to both. Also, if nothing else, as I'm sure you know from your older one, it does get easier soon. I remember feeling the same at that age and I had a partner around in the evenings, but by 6-8 weeks (seems ages away but it isn't) she would happily sit in the bouncer while I pumped milk or had a shower.

 

[Willow82]

As previous people have mentioned, a sling might make a big difference. My DD will only sleep on me during the day and wearing her means I can see to my 3 year old and do chores around the house. It really has been a lifesaver.

 

[jessmke]

What about having a bath with baby instead of having a shower? You couldn't wash your hair obviously because you'd need to hold your LO, but at least you could give the rest of your body a wash. Then when you really need to wash your hair you could let her cry for a few minutes in the bouncer.

Do you swaddle her? It might make it easier to put her down because it helps make her feel like she is still being held.

 

[Rainbow82]

A stretchy wrap will help in the day so you have your hands free to clean, see to your three year old, eat etc. As for the shower I would probably bath with her to wash yourself but if you need to don't feel guilty about letting her cry for 5 mins in her bouncer while you are in the shower, just take her into the bathroom and sing to her so she knows you are close. If you don't want to let her cry then you can get a ring sling that's made of similar material to a swimsuit or a mesh material so you could take her into the shower with you. TBH though I am imagining it's the break you want in the shower as well as the wash.

 

[loeylo]

Oh dear, that must be stressful. My wee one also cries when not being held, although she will sleep alone if she gets into a deep enough sleep. I'm afraid that means that sometimes I have no choice but to let her scream! As long as she is fed, changed and not unwell, then I'm afraid she just has to cry until I'm done. I try to avoid it where possible, but sometime it is unavoidable.

 

[embeth]

Poor u must be v tiring on your own xx
My little girl who is nearly 6 weeks is exactly the same.. Sleeps with me at night loves being cuddled in next to me. In the day she will sleep on me or breastfeeding.. The only thing that helps is the carrier! Have an ergo carrier which she sleeps in and I get bits done and can help my 2&1/2 year old. Would really recommend it xx

 

[Zephram]

Get a front pack to help yourself out so you can wear baby and get on with things. I have a 3 year old and a baby too and for the first few months baby went in the front pack and slept whilst I did jobs around the house and had quality time with my eldest.

Also, I hate to hear my baby cry to, but I just want to say that it is okay for your baby to cry for two minutes while you jump in the shower. Your baby will not be damaged for life if you do this. It is important that you look after yourself as well. I put my eldest in front of the TV and the baby in the bouncer in the bathroom with me and had a quick shower. Like a PP said, my baby enjoyed the white noise sound of the bathroom fan and the shower, and although there were times he did cry whilst I washed it was never for more than a few minutes and I talked to him the whole time. Make sure baby's needs are all met - fed, clean, dry and warm - and then take him in the bathroom with you while you shower for a couple of minutes. It will be okay.

 

[Ethereal]

Hi thanks for all the advice. I hada shower and she only cried at the end for a minute or two. I know with time it will get better and she will settle easier as she grows, its tricky on my own but I'm managing and staying positive!

As for the wrap, we have one but she seems to get really hot and uncomfortable in it. Itsthe stretchy kind and she only ever stays in it for an hour. When I take her out of it she falls back asleep on me.
Is there any other carriers or slings I can use that she may be more comfortable in?

 

[Rainbow82]

There's a few different carriers/slings you could try, if there's a sling library near you it would be a good place to start. You could try s ring sling which would only be one layer of material over her? Or a mei tai that pulls right in at the bottom like a hop tye or a more structured carrier with a newborn insert like an ergo. If you cantvgetvto a sling library maybe look at some YouTube videos of the different types to see if you like the look of any of them. There are a couple of places that do a postal rental service so you don't have to buy straight away in case you don't like it.

 

[Ethereal]

Im going to purchase a ring sling i love the look of them

 

[Rainbow82]

That's great, little frog and Lenny lamb are some good cheap makes that could be used for your newborn or three year old. you can get a grade B fir under £30. A pre loved one should be a little cheaper and nice and broken in 😀. My nine month old is poorly and clingy today and has been in and out of our ring sling all day.