Please no judgement, hospitalisation for bipolar/PPD?

[katherinegrey]

I've been judged on this forum before for having bipolar disorder and a baby, so please no judgement, I need support now, nothing else.

I have a CPN and a psychiatrist, they've recently increased the dose of anti-depressants they've put me on, and it's made me quite unstable with my moods, and my moods are changing rapidly which is highly unusual for me, one hour I'll be sitting there sobbing and thinking I should end my life because my son would be better off without me, and then an hour later I'm fine again, I want to sleep all the time yet my thoughts are racing and I keep pacing round the house as I can't sit still. I spoke to my CPN today and she said she thinks maybe a stay in hospital in the mother and baby unit would be best for me, so they can change my medication and monitor me closely as they do this, and my psychiatrist agrees, but I'm so frightened. I don't think I'm bad enough to require hospital treatment, I mean, I don't look after myself very well, but my LO is ALWAYS fed, changed, clean, looked after, loved and happy, I like to think in spite of my illness I'm a very good mother, I adore my son and he gives me a reason to live.

I just got married, I have a beautiful son and home, I should be very happy, yet I'm not, getting through each day is a struggle. Should I accept the hospital care as a means to an end to get well or should I avoid at all costs??

 

[baby287]

You need to do whats best for you and your family and if it means getting help now so that you can be there and be happy later then so be it. Dont be afraid, they are there to help you. I would never judge someone with such a difficult illness, i have panic disorder and although not so severe now i know just how debilitating things like that can be and i think for the sake of you marriage, your son, your family and your happiness you should most definitely take the help. You are so strong and can do this.

 

[Sprite2011]

Go into hospital sweetie let them sort out your meds and get yourself back on track. I am disgusted that anyone on this forum would judge you, if it happens on this thread I will be straight on to admin! I work with people with mental health problems and ignorance about conditions is something that never fails to shock me! Pm me if you want a chat
Look after yourself

 

[maisie78]

Whilst my partner is not bipolar he does suffer regular bouts of extreme depression which are rough on all of us. I don't know what the mother and baby unit is like but personally I think of both your CPN and psychiatrist are recommending it, it is probably best for you to take them up on the offer. What does your husband think you should do?

As for you being a good mother the fact that you are considering this stay on hospital so that you can be better for your son is all that needs to be said. You are a great Mum!

Good luck with your decision
Xx

 

[Tor]

I would go into hospital and get things sorted hun, you might not feel that bad but do you really want to wait until your in a terrible state to get some help.

I'm also shocked that people would be so horrible, having bipolar doesn't make you any less of a brilliant Mummy than anyone else.

 

[aliss]

Big hugs honey. I have a friend who was in for a month as well recently after her 2nd child - remember that this is a result of mostly chemical imbalances and not a reflection on you as a person. If you are struggling with thoughts of ending your life (even if it comes and goes) then I would really take their advice and take some time in the unit.

Unfortunately things can happen in an instant, during one of the dark episodes, and even if you are feeling fine an hour later, it's best to be under more direct care if you are having very bad episodes. We have had a very publicized case here in Canada last week with a woman who struggled in a very similar manner and it ended quite badly, she was not hospitalized when she was having episodes of extreme swinging mood.

This is voluntary treatment right now, correct? If so, then you can remove yourself from care if you feel that it is unnecessary. But I would take the recommendation - again not a reflection of you, it is a medical condition.

Good luck with whatever decision you make!

 

[superfrizbee]

You can always go into hospital and check yourself out if you don't feel it's helping, but at least then you know you've tried that angle, and it might help? Follow your heart though and do what you feel is best. I hope you get to point where you ca enjoy life and your beautiful baby. good luck x

 

[No1showgirl]

xx

 

[fairydust87]

Hugs to you. I know how awful depression can be.

I would go into hospital.and get better hun. Do it for you and LO. You WILL get through this.
Good luck hun xxx

 

[hopeful4bfp]

I work on the floor in a psychiatric hospital and think that if both your dr agree you should go, then you should probably go. If your not taking care of yourself will wind up effecting LO in the long run. Happy mummy happy baby Ive always heard. I think I would rather take a few day/weeks to get myself well and live happy with LO then just get through the days..

Good luck and just remember your strong and your lo is lucky to have a mommy like you

 

[Tess.ie]

Hugs x
You are a brave and wonderful mum, so rest assured no judgement here! Your lo is well cared for and loved and cute too!
I do think that a stay in the mum and baby unit could be good though, because its important to get the meds sorted so that you can feel the best you can erratic moods aren't great, so the doctors might be able to make adjustments to meds quicker/more accurately if you stay there. I hope you get things sorted soon. You are a wonderful mum (and wife too I'm sure)

 

[Louise88]

I haven't got anything helpful to say I just wanted to pop in and give you a

 

[hopeful4bfp]

You can always go into hospital and check yourself out if you don't feel it's helping, but at least then you know you've tried that angle, and it might help? Follow your heart though and do what you feel is best. I hope you get to point where you ca enjoy life and your beautiful baby. good luck x

I just want to give some info here. In my hospital in Austin, TX you have to have a dr order or recommendation to leave, even if you are voluntary. If the Drs feel you are a danger to yourself or someone else they can file an order of detention and keep you there. There is a a big miss-communication with it and a source of many arguments and even physical fights. Its different than with drug rehab where you can just leave when you want if you sign yourself in.

I would just make sure to find out the rules where you are before you sign anything and make sure its going to be the best environment for you

much love!!

 

[jellybean83]

Oh sweetheart,Ive been there and got the tee shirt,I just wanted to tell you how brave you are and that my inbox is always open x

 

[C_baby]

I think you should go with the advice of the professionals as they will be recommending treatment based on wht they believe is in your best interests. If they are recommending an inpatient stay I would go with that. You sounds like you're being an excellent mummy and your baby is very lucky, but how you feel about yourself is important too. You need to try and get to a strong healthy place for yourself as well as your baby . Hopefully getting your medication right will help you with that.

I can imagine it's a terrifying situation to be in. Try and think of it as a small stepping stone to the future you want and deserve, once you're past it you can move onwards and upwards.

Good luck with everything

 

[Damita]

I would go into hospital and get things sorted hun, you might not feel that bad but do you really want to wait until your in a terrible state to get some help.

I'm also shocked that people would be so horrible, having bipolar doesn't make you any less of a brilliant Mummy than anyone else.

Agree - my best friend has bipolar with two kids and she is a fab mummy!

 

[Peggy O]

Go and get better. My friend John has this disorder too (Stay At Home Dad with two teens, one autistic) and once in a while he checks himself in for a break/med adjustment and comes back feeling way better than he had been. There is nothing wrong with a hospitalization, and how wonderful that they have a mom and baby unit!!! Go as soon as you can, you deserve to feel OK

 

[LilyValley]

Oh I really feel for you, it sounds like a tough decision but honestly, go and stay at the mum and baby unit and let the drs help. It's not forever, and just think how much better you'll feel later on.

You sound like a fantastic mum, I'm sorry you've suffered judgements over having a disorder. You have nothing but support from here . I remember you from the pregnancy boards I think we were on the same 'Am I in slow labour thread'! Fun times . I really hope you are feeling better soon, don't be afraid, the drs are there to help and you might feel less pressure whilst you're there.

 

[mj2004]

Hugs too you hun!!!! I have an anxiety/depression disorder so I completly understand where you are coming from, and as op have said shame on anyone that would ridicule you for having a mental disorder that you of all people I'm sure HATE having!! I agree with the op go get yourself checked in, they can get your medication doses/needs in order! Just remember you are a fantastic mommy and no one should ever tell you otherwise! Gl hun I'll be thinking about you

 

[katherinegrey]

Thank you all for your wonderful replies, I was so nervous about posting! I think I'll ring my CPN tomorrow and discuss it in some more detail xx