PLEASE PLEASE HELP ME, would be so grateful for advice

[CVH28]

To cut a long story short, the father of my baby got put into prison 2 days before my due date for burglary, he got released when my daughter was 1, hasn't contributed since coming out, demanding to see her more etc and threatning courts...could anyone who has been through this or know about it please give me some advice as I'm at my whitts end with stress. I don't believe he's to be trusted on his own with her, he's threatened me once already since coming out but i chose not to phone the police or report it to his probation. What would happen if it went to court as i can't bare to be without my baby if he got any kind of access without my supervision, he's a compulsive liar and can't be trusted. please please please help me i would be so grateful. xxxx

 

[Dezireey]

Well for a start, whether he is on probation or not, any kind of disturbing behaviour from him that you feel is threatening should be reported. The more info you have against him, the less chance he stands of gaining access. Personally, if I were in your shoes, I would do the following;

1. Have an open and frank discussion with him about his rights. State that because of his behaviour and being in prison etc he may NEVER, if at all, get to be with his child alone and that is where you stand, period. He chose the path of being a burgular and he is behaving agressively, tell him this is not an environment you wish your child to be exposed to. Give him hope for the future though and say that, maybe, just maybe you may consider after professional evaluation and if he has changed completely to give him more access, until then he has not earned the right to it at all.

2. Write down and record ALL dealings with him. If this lands him back in prison, tough. he cant be bullying and aggressive towards a child, you have a baby to think of, that is your no1 priority.

Lastly hun, he doesnt stand a cats chance in hell of being alone with your child, period. If he threatens you, threaten him back and say if he carries on like this, you will and can call the police /probation officer on him.

I cant see that any court in the land would grant unsupervised access to a man that has been in prison, threatens the mother of his child and also doesnt pay a penny. Stop worrying about this and perhaps speak to a Health Advisor /professional about procedures /steps to take.

I know its unfair on men sometimes who want to see their children but unfortunately just because you father a child does not make you a proper 'father'. You earn that right by supporting the baby, loving it, nurturing it and doing what is best for baby. If he had any sense, he would approach this with kid gloves or hes back in jail again. He's a bit of an idiot really.

Hope that helps, be strong and record everything and don't be afraid to report him hun, just dont be afraid of protecting your LO.

 

[resursval]

Would call the police. Also ask to get protected identity and then keep as far away from this man.
He sounds dangerous and nothing that you want to have close to either yourself or your baby.

PS. I would not threaten him back. That gives him a chance to know your reaction. I would try to record his violent behavior and call the police as well (or only police if you don't manage to record his violent behavior).
Men like this need to know they can't scare you and you need to get away from this man all together.
There is no miracle potions, he just won't wake up one day being a better man....

 

[Dezireey]

Would call the police. Also ask to get protected identity and then keep as far away from this man.
He sounds dangerous and nothing that you want to have close to either yourself or your baby.

PS. I would not threaten him back. That gives him a chance to know your reaction. I would try to record his violent behavior and call the police as well (or only police if you don't manage to record his violent behavior).
Men like this need to know they can't scare you and you need to get away from this man all together.
There is no miracle potions, he just won't wake up one day being a better man....

Sorry I disagree. Sometimes with people who are aggressive or display unreasonable behaviour do it usually because they think they can with no repercussions. In the first instance, it is usually best to give people 'warnings' e.g I have had enough of your bullying, I'm warning you that on this occasion now if this happens one more time, I'm going straight to the police. if she does not wish to communicate face to face ( though in this instance I think she is communicating with him in some form judging by her post) then a letter, text or quick e-mail would suffice. A lot of stress and worry can be avoided in situations like this by giving a quick threat yourself of taking things further. If you jump the gun and immediately report him without giving him the chance to back off first, then there are stressful situations to encounter such as court appearances, being interviewed by police, endless documentation etc.

 

[Zothan Mom]

I kinda know the feeling and i have to agree with Dezireey... giving him a warning before reporting him is the wisest option.

My ex-husband also threatened to go to court to take my kids away from me, simply because he didn't like the new man in my life. I went to seek legal advice and let me tell you at this point and time you don't have to worry. you can tell him if he threatens to go to court that he doesn't scare you because you know your rights. He doesn't stand a chance of taking your baby from you and given his violent behavior no judge will allow him visitation rights without your supervision.

My ex-husband got scared when he learned that I knew my rights as a mother and because he could not keep a job to save his life... he knew he would never be able to take the kids from me legally so he threatened to kidnap them. I took my stand and told him that i went to my lawyer and that i am going to get a restraining order against him. Two days later he backed off completely and asked me not to go through with it.

I'm the one that takes care of our children and he knows now that i don't fall for his threats and blackmailing anymore. Life seems so much more peaceful now