PND Support Thread

[Raggydoll]

Glad things are being sorted for you Jenny. Hope you're having a better day today.

BTW Emily has such beautiful eyes.

 

[Raggydoll]

Hi, iv not been in here before but i have been suffereng wih pnd for a while now, im on citalopram have been for about 3 weeks. but the health visitor comes to see me evey week-2 weeks. she came today and i have been having a bad week and told her how i was feeling. that when im having a bad day i really cant deal with LO, that i care for her (nappy/feeds ect.) but dont feel like i interact as much as i should with her and that sometimes i just feel like she deserves a better mummy. she then said that that conserns her and she is thinking of contacing social services!!! does anyone know what she means by this? im not harming my baby!! does she think this? im really scared that they are gunna take her off me or put her on a register or something. i do love m daugher im just srtuggeling with my feelings and adjusting to motherhood. she really scared me and next time i see her i will just say im fine and feeling much better if this is whats gunna happen when i tell the truth about my feelings!!
sorry for the long 1st post but i just needed to tell someone and noone in rl knows how im feeling really.

You're HV sounds terrible. She should be helping you get support not frightening you.

Can you see your GP?

Nobody will take your baby off you because you have PND. I understand the feelings you are having. A few months ago I just felt like I was going through the motions of looking after my daughter but I didn't feel like I was any good, I felt like she deserved better. It's taken time, medication and lots of support but I know she's not better off without me.

It does get better. You are doing a fantastic job by taking care and loving your daughter and also asking for help because you want to feel better.

 

[08marchbean]

Hi, iv not been in here before but i have been suffereng wih pnd for a while now, im on citalopram have been for about 3 weeks. but the health visitor comes to see me evey week-2 weeks. she came today and i have been having a bad week and told her how i was feeling. that when im having a bad day i really cant deal with LO, that i care for her (nappy/feeds ect.) but dont feel like i interact as much as i should with her and that sometimes i just feel like she deserves a better mummy. she then said that that conserns her and she is thinking of contacing social services!!! does anyone know what she means by this? im not harming my baby!! does she think this? im really scared that they are gunna take her off me or put her on a register or something. i do love m daugher im just srtuggeling with my feelings and adjusting to motherhood. she really scared me and next time i see her i will just say im fine and feeling much better if this is whats gunna happen when i tell the truth about my feelings!!
sorry for the long 1st post but i just needed to tell someone and noone in rl knows how im feeling really.

You're HV sounds terrible. She should be helping you get support not frightening you.

Can you see your GP?

Nobody will take your baby off you because you have PND. I understand the feelings you are having. A few months ago I just felt like I was going through the motions of looking after my daughter but I didn't feel like I was any good, I felt like she deserved better. It's taken time, medication and lots of support but I know she's not better off without me.

It does get better. You are doing a fantastic job by taking care and loving your daughter and also asking for help because you want to feel better.

Thanks for your support. i have been to my go a few times and am due to go back this week, shes ok but i dont talk much to her she just askes a few questions then gives me a new prescription for my meds. i have got to the point now where i do want help to create a bond with my daughter and drag myself out of these feelings. but im really scared to ask now, or be honest if this is whats gunna happen. i have had feelings os cutting again which i havnt done in years but if i admit to it will it make the situation worse? im so scared now

 

[Raggydoll]

Hi, iv not been in here before but i have been suffereng wih pnd for a while now, im on citalopram have been for about 3 weeks. but the health visitor comes to see me evey week-2 weeks. she came today and i have been having a bad week and told her how i was feeling. that when im having a bad day i really cant deal with LO, that i care for her (nappy/feeds ect.) but dont feel like i interact as much as i should with her and that sometimes i just feel like she deserves a better mummy. she then said that that conserns her and she is thinking of contacing social services!!! does anyone know what she means by this? im not harming my baby!! does she think this? im really scared that they are gunna take her off me or put her on a register or something. i do love m daugher im just srtuggeling with my feelings and adjusting to motherhood. she really scared me and next time i see her i will just say im fine and feeling much better if this is whats gunna happen when i tell the truth about my feelings!!
sorry for the long 1st post but i just needed to tell someone and noone in rl knows how im feeling really.

You're HV sounds terrible. She should be helping you get support not frightening you.

Can you see your GP?

Nobody will take your baby off you because you have PND. I understand the feelings you are having. A few months ago I just felt like I was going through the motions of looking after my daughter but I didn't feel like I was any good, I felt like she deserved better. It's taken time, medication and lots of support but I know she's not better off without me.

It does get better. You are doing a fantastic job by taking care and loving your daughter and also asking for help because you want to feel better.

Thanks for your support. i have been to my go a few times and am due to go back this week, shes ok but i dont talk much to her she just askes a few questions then gives me a new prescription for my meds. i have got to the point now where i do want help to create a bond with my daughter and drag myself out of these feelings. but im really scared to ask now, or be honest if this is whats gunna happen. i have had feelings os cutting again which i havnt done in years but if i admit to it will it make the situation worse? im so scared now

Oh hun. I was self harming and at my lowest point I took an overdose. I voluntarily went into Physiatric care and then moved to a Mother and Baby unit. All the time the Physiatric team wanted help improve the way I was feeling about motherhood and improve my bond with Kate.

It's good you want to create a bond with your daughter. Could your GP refer you to a CPN?

 

[xpinkness87x]

Right quick update on me... I am now on 40mg of fluoxtine and I am "normal" again so to speak but we will wait and see because my body becomes used to tablets and then they dont work.

I have had some bad stuff happening in the last month or so but i think i have dealt with it very well we are moving on the 24th of this month which will be great because it will be a whole new start for us, away from people that are causing problems.

I have stopped all contact with my supposed "best friend" I want to see if it helps, as she always makes me feel bad, my mum has said all along she is a "bad" person to go out with because she will drag me down with her which i think she has. Her and all her group of friends have started to act like 12 years olds and bitch about and to everyone so why do i want to get caught up in that?

Oh and i went to get my tablets the other day and the doctor re did that test thingy with me and i scored 2!! I was 19 last time which was "servely" depressed. now im classed as not having depression at all!! they want to start weaning me off the tablets maybe next month but we will see in a way they are acting like a comfort blanket to me at the moment and i dont want to risk going down hill again

to everyone x

 

[Hattie80]

Hi everyone. I stopped my med of sertraline afta 4 weeks as read up on coming off them and people were having SEVERE reactions. So cut them in half and gradually stopped ova a few days. Felt awful at first and have had a few odd outbursts & felt v agitated - well, more than usual.

I now have a dilemma. I still feel pretty shit most days and was wondering if i shld start up fluoxetine. I've taken it yrs back and it worked well and i have the tablets ready to go. Just not sure if i want to start down whole pill route again. Tho if it helps... oh i'm so indecisive.

Can any1 on fluoxetine advise me?? i mainly have anxiety - pounding heart, trouble sleeping, horrid thoughts about being left on my own, fear in socialising etc etc. is it good for that ?? Thanx for any advice x

 

[xpinkness87x]

Hey hattie sounds what i was like.

Im now on 40mg of fluotine and now i seem happier and a bit more normal. I dont get scared of going out half as much now!!

 

[08marchbean]

Hi, iv not been in here before but i have been suffereng wih pnd for a while now, im on citalopram have been for about 3 weeks. but the health visitor comes to see me evey week-2 weeks. she came today and i have been having a bad week and told her how i was feeling. that when im having a bad day i really cant deal with LO, that i care for her (nappy/feeds ect.) but dont feel like i interact as much as i should with her and that sometimes i just feel like she deserves a better mummy. she then said that that conserns her and she is thinking of contacing social services!!! does anyone know what she means by this? im not harming my baby!! does she think this? im really scared that they are gunna take her off me or put her on a register or something. i do love m daugher im just srtuggeling with my feelings and adjusting to motherhood. she really scared me and next time i see her i will just say im fine and feeling much better if this is whats gunna happen when i tell the truth about my feelings!!
sorry for the long 1st post but i just needed to tell someone and noone in rl knows how im feeling really.

You're HV sounds terrible. She should be helping you get support not frightening you.

Can you see your GP?

Nobody will take your baby off you because you have PND. I understand the feelings you are having. A few months ago I just felt like I was going through the motions of looking after my daughter but I didn't feel like I was any good, I felt like she deserved better. It's taken time, medication and lots of support but I know she's not better off without me.

It does get better. You are doing a fantastic job by taking care and loving your daughter and also asking for help because you want to feel better.

Thanks for your support. i have been to my go a few times and am due to go back this week, shes ok but i dont talk much to her she just askes a few questions then gives me a new prescription for my meds. i have got to the point now where i do want help to create a bond with my daughter and drag myself out of these feelings. but im really scared to ask now, or be honest if this is whats gunna happen. i have had feelings os cutting again which i havnt done in years but if i admit to it will it make the situation worse? im so scared now

Oh hun. I was self harming and at my lowest point I took an overdose. I voluntarily went into Physiatric care and then moved to a Mother and Baby unit. All the time the Physiatric team wanted help improve the way I was feeling about motherhood and improve my bond with Kate.

It's good you want to create a bond with your daughter. Could your GP refer you to a CPN?

my HV got me an emergency appointment today with a different gp, i dont know why really she just rang me and said they wanted to see me makes me worry tho because there must be a reason but she never explains herself. anyway he was really nice and said he totaly disagrees with HV as she was saying i was just going round in circles and should be getting better etc, but he said no it takes much longer for the meds to work. so i felt better about that. and im going to see my regular gp on wed so will talk to her more in depth to see what other help i can get.
whats a CPN?

 

[Caroline]

Not sure if this right place to post or not, but here goes.

Since having my lil guy I've had my ups & downs, who doesn't & have been teary on & off, but I just put it down to the hormones. Past week or so I've been more teary but put that down to going back to work. If anyone asks how I am I say I'm fine, but am often on the verge of tears.

Last week worked Thurs- Sat & felt ok.

Mon was day off but was a bit teary, & yesterday had my moments @ work when I could have cried but managed to hold it together.

Today I started crying on way to work, couldn't stop, so pulled over phoned OH & came home. Went to see GP who has diagnosed me with PND.

I'm not 100% convinced I have it but maybe I'm in denial. I think its just my hormones especially as my spd has flared up.

I don't really have many of the symtoms.

I'm teary but I don't feel sad.
My concentration isn't as good as normal, but by no means poor.
No problems sleeping, although I do wake up around 4/5 ish every morning, but lo always woke around this time & has just started to sleep thru.
Still enjoy most things although I guess I find it difficult to settle to do anything certainly don't feel like sitting & reading a book.
Don't have any feelings of not bonding with lo, the opposite if anything, hate going anywhere without him/being separated from him.

But thats it really. Going for blood tests on Fri to check thyroid levels (there is FH of u/a thyroid with my mum & gran) so this could be causing it.

I have to go back & see GP in 2 weeks to see how I'm doing.


HV said if I struggled when going back to work to contact her & she would support me but tbh shes as much use as mudflaps on tortoise normally.

Six months after I had my DD I was signed off with depression but I was having a rough time @ work, but GP mentioned @ 6 week check I had PND last time but managed it without to much problem even tho it was never discussed/said that was what it was. So I do think maybe HV & GP were aware that I may have problems this time.

Just to add I do find it difficult to discuss how I feel, so its taken me all day to decide to post this.

Sorry for such a long post but I feel a fraud I don't honestly think I have PND, or am I in denial? I guess I feel a failure for not being able to cope with everything, working & looking after my family. (OH is SAHD so when I get home I don't have much to do just lunches for next day for me & older kids, wash & sterilise stuff for expressing for next day, OH washes any bottles used I just chuck in micro to sterilise & get out bags of frozen EBM & put in fridge to defrost).

Thanks for reading if u got this far.

 

[MiniKat]

Can someone please help me make sense of it all! sorry if gramer and punc not good im typing one handed whilst bf!
ok so with my baby i am fine, e have a close bond and spend lots of time together and i love her so no seperation issues there!
however i am having servere paranoia issues that my husband is having an affair! i know he isnt, well u can never be 100% but im quite sure!
the past 3 nights i have had really vivid dreams that i found out, he left me and i was all alone, the dreams were so real and everytime i woke and went back to sleep the dream starts again in the next chpter! its so real that i spend all day really thinking im alone.

i have told my husband this nd of course he is lovely and reassures me he loves me! but then when he is nice to me and tells me he loves me i think he is saying it to cover up the affair!

we tried to make love yesterday and i just felt like an empty shell!

i dont know why i feel like this as i am/was really happy and have no reason to worry.

i am so paranoid and have lost all self esteem!

is this pnd, am i just phsyco! what does it all mean?

 

[mommy-in-june]

Can someone please help me make sense of it all! sorry if gramer and punc not good im typing one handed whilst bf!
ok so with my baby i am fine, e have a close bond and spend lots of time together and i love her so no seperation issues there!
however i am having servere paranoia issues that my husband is having an affair! i know he isnt, well u can never be 100% but im quite sure!
the past 3 nights i have had really vivid dreams that i found out, he left me and i was all alone, the dreams were so real and everytime i woke and went back to sleep the dream starts again in the next chpter! its so real that i spend all day really thinking im alone.

i have told my husband this nd of course he is lovely and reassures me he loves me! but then when he is nice to me and tells me he loves me i think he is saying it to cover up the affair!

we tried to make love yesterday and i just felt like an empty shell!

i dont know why i feel like this as i am/was really happy and have no reason to worry.

i am so paranoid and have lost all self esteem!

is this pnd, am i just phsyco! what does it all mean?

Honey, I feel your pain. I don't think my hubby is having an affair, but I do worry that he will leave me. My PND involves my self-esteem (CRAP right now) and feeling really lonely. Even laying in bed with his arms around me isn't enough to make me sure he won't leave me, or isn't ashamed or disappointed in me. And I don't want to always say that stuff to him because I feel that would get old REAL quick - having to reassure someone needlessly over and over. I am trying so hard to ride out this hormone stuff... I imagine (hope) it must be tapering off now that I am 23 days out.

 

[rach2010]

I didnt want to admit it but i think i have PND. I dont want to kill myself or harm anyone and i love my baby to bits but, i'm so tired i cant be bothered to get out of bed and i dont like going out anymore. I cant sleep, and have breathing problems at night which is linked to anxiety. I get extemley stressed, with even the simplest thing like getting dressed. Ive never been a clean freak but lately my house has to be tidy, and if its messy i get stressed and start to cry.
I have a hyperactive attention seeking 4 year old constantly on my back, who wants constant attention that i cant give her with a new baby, shes naughty and rude and i find myself always shouting and generally just telling her off.
I want to cry a lot and lock myself away in a dark room. A few times i have shouted at my baby, and i immediatly felt very gulity but i dont think i will ever harm him.
i dont know weather i'm just tired or it is PND? seeing my GP next week.

 

[MiniKat]

Can someone please help me make sense of it all! sorry if gramer and punc not good im typing one handed whilst bf!
ok so with my baby i am fine, e have a close bond and spend lots of time together and i love her so no seperation issues there!
however i am having servere paranoia issues that my husband is having an affair! i know he isnt, well u can never be 100% but im quite sure!
the past 3 nights i have had really vivid dreams that i found out, he left me and i was all alone, the dreams were so real and everytime i woke and went back to sleep the dream starts again in the next chpter! its so real that i spend all day really thinking im alone.

i have told my husband this nd of course he is lovely and reassures me he loves me! but then when he is nice to me and tells me he loves me i think he is saying it to cover up the affair!

we tried to make love yesterday and i just felt like an empty shell!

i dont know why i feel like this as i am/was really happy and have no reason to worry.

i am so paranoid and have lost all self esteem!

is this pnd, am i just phsyco! what does it all mean?

Honey, I feel your pain. I don't think my hubby is having an affair, but I do worry that he will leave me. My PND involves my self-esteem (CRAP right now) and feeling really lonely. Even laying in bed with his arms around me isn't enough to make me sure he won't leave me, or isn't ashamed or disappointed in me. And I don't want to always say that stuff to him because I feel that would get old REAL quick - having to reassure someone needlessly over and over. I am trying so hard to ride out this hormone stuff... I imagine (hope) it must be tapering off now that I am 23 days out.

Thats exactly how i feel, he cuddles me and he tells me he loves me and i dont believe him! I mean i do believe him and i know he isnt having an affair but part of me just keeps screaming inside, your lying your lying! why!??

 

[Luke's_mummy]

hi everyone! Hope everyone has been going ok.

Went to see the psyc again yesterday, and they have changed my meds, I'm now on venlaflaxine, which i have to take with the sertraline i was on orrigialy for the first week and then just swith to just the venlaflaxine... Does anyone have any expreinences with venlaflaxine that they could share? x

 

[mommy-in-june]

Can someone please help me make sense of it all! sorry if gramer and punc not good im typing one handed whilst bf!
ok so with my baby i am fine, e have a close bond and spend lots of time together and i love her so no seperation issues there!
however i am having servere paranoia issues that my husband is having an affair! i know he isnt, well u can never be 100% but im quite sure!
the past 3 nights i have had really vivid dreams that i found out, he left me and i was all alone, the dreams were so real and everytime i woke and went back to sleep the dream starts again in the next chpter! its so real that i spend all day really thinking im alone.

i have told my husband this nd of course he is lovely and reassures me he loves me! but then when he is nice to me and tells me he loves me i think he is saying it to cover up the affair!

we tried to make love yesterday and i just felt like an empty shell!

i dont know why i feel like this as i am/was really happy and have no reason to worry.

i am so paranoid and have lost all self esteem!

is this pnd, am i just phsyco! what does it all mean?

Honey, I feel your pain. I don't think my hubby is having an affair, but I do worry that he will leave me. My PND involves my self-esteem (CRAP right now) and feeling really lonely. Even laying in bed with his arms around me isn't enough to make me sure he won't leave me, or isn't ashamed or disappointed in me. And I don't want to always say that stuff to him because I feel that would get old REAL quick - having to reassure someone needlessly over and over. I am trying so hard to ride out this hormone stuff... I imagine (hope) it must be tapering off now that I am 23 days out.

Thats exactly how i feel, he cuddles me and he tells me he loves me and i dont believe him! I mean i do believe him and i know he isnt having an affair but part of me just keeps screaming inside, your lying your lying! why!??

The "why" is definitely hormonal. We have wonderful, loving hubbies, with no reason to ever think they would cheat on us. It's not something they have or haven't done, it's something inside of us we can't control. Just try to tell yourself that over and over again - it's the hormones. It's like wearing sunglasses to see the world. I hope this will subside for both of us soon!

 

[Raggydoll]

hi everyone! Hope everyone has been going ok.

Went to see the psyc again yesterday, and they have changed my meds, I'm now on venlaflaxine, which i have to take with the sertraline i was on orrigialy for the first week and then just swith to just the venlaflaxine... Does anyone have any expreinences with venlaflaxine that they could share? x

I'm on Venlafaxine. I switched from Citalopram 60mg to Venlafaxine 150mg in May. I've really seen an improvement since taking this (I also take 50mg qutiapine for my anxiety) I took a couple of weeks to kick in but unlike the Citalopram I didn't get a big mood dip during this time.

Hope you're doing ok.

 

[Raggydoll]

I didnt want to admit it but i think i have PND. I dont want to kill myself or harm anyone and i love my baby to bits but, i'm so tired i cant be bothered to get out of bed and i dont like going out anymore. I cant sleep, and have breathing problems at night which is linked to anxiety. I get extemley stressed, with even the simplest thing like getting dressed. Ive never been a clean freak but lately my house has to be tidy, and if its messy i get stressed and start to cry.
I have a hyperactive attention seeking 4 year old constantly on my back, who wants constant attention that i cant give her with a new baby, shes naughty and rude and i find myself always shouting and generally just telling her off.
I want to cry a lot and lock myself away in a dark room. A few times i have shouted at my baby, and i immediatly felt very gulity but i dont think i will ever harm him.
i dont know weather i'm just tired or it is PND? seeing my GP next week.

It's really good you're going to see your GP. How old is Oscar? Could it still be baby blues? It must be so hard adjusting to a new baby with another child. I hope your GP can provide the support you need. Is your HV helpful.

Take care, we're always here if you need to talk.

 

[rach2010]

I didnt want to admit it but i think i have PND. I dont want to kill myself or harm anyone and i love my baby to bits but, i'm so tired i cant be bothered to get out of bed and i dont like going out anymore. I cant sleep, and have breathing problems at night which is linked to anxiety. I get extemley stressed, with even the simplest thing like getting dressed. Ive never been a clean freak but lately my house has to be tidy, and if its messy i get stressed and start to cry.
I have a hyperactive attention seeking 4 year old constantly on my back, who wants constant attention that i cant give her with a new baby, shes naughty and rude and i find myself always shouting and generally just telling her off.
I want to cry a lot and lock myself away in a dark room. A few times i have shouted at my baby, and i immediatly felt very gulity but i dont think i will ever harm him.
i dont know weather i'm just tired or it is PND? seeing my GP next week.

It's really good you're going to see your GP. How old is Oscar? Could it still be baby blues? It must be so hard adjusting to a new baby with another child. I hope your GP can provide the support you need. Is your HV helpful.

Take care, we're always here if you need to talk.

Oscar is 8 weeks this week, and i dont see the HV anymore. My OH had a whole month off work with us but hes back to work now and i think maybe i'm just still trying to adjust. But i'm always very tired, which i'm gunna mention to GP, and i'm still bleeding so thats kinda getting me worried

 

[Luke's_mummy]

Thanks Raggydoll, at the moment I'm having to take the venlaflaxine and the sertraline so that in a weeks time i can cross over to just the venlaflaxine, so far it seems to be realatively free of side effects so fx'd it will stay that way!

 

[billy2mm]

im quite new to this site and i thought i was getting better and i wouldnt need to pop in here but it seems i am not doing as well as i led myself to believe i am.

brief history: 4 years ago had my eldest, quite a traumatic birth ending up in a crash c-section under general and my son staying in nicu for 4 days which i still occasionally have flash backs too. diagnosed with PND by the doc but i was depressed before i even fell pregnant coz i had given up my job, family and friends to move to a foreign country to be with my hubby (who i am not separated from) when i didnt speak the language and i wasnt allowed to go out and make friends but i think the doctor counld really be bothered listening to my history so just labelled it as PND.

anyway i got over it, we moved back to the uk i got off the meds and things were looking up for me (but not my marriage) i had alot of problems with my periods and contraception so ended up back and forth to the doc and was told my ovaries had shut down and it would take at least a year of being off akll contraception before i was "back in working order" so to speak. i refused to use condoms coz i kept getting thrush and i was thinking about getting a diaphram or something but my ex wanted sex now so i just gave in. turns out i fell pregnant 3 days after seeing the doc and i didnt have sex for well over a week after i saw him so i must have fallen from the time we dtd on the morning of the docs appointment. big shock, wasnt ready, que a night of crying and thinking and worrying but by the morning i was fine had got my head round it and was exicted (except for the severe sickness that landed me in hospital again!!!)

pregnancy went well but the marriage wasnt. he walked out on us then when we got offered another 3 bed house, about twice the size of the one we were in he suddenly changed his mind and said he would move back in when we moved into the new house. 6 days after we moved in december 2008 we came back up to scotland for xmas leave and i was staying up here till i had baby in feb coz my ex refused to be there at the birth unless i had another c-section so my hands were tied coz i felt i needed him there. in actual fact, he didnt want anything to chnge "down there" and he couldnt explain to his girlfriend in the next city his sudden appearance if i was to go into spontaneous labour. he spent 3 days with us (well my mum looked after our 2 year old and he came to see me for an hour max for the first 3 days i was in hospital before he had to "go back to work" and would get his paternity leave when i came back down to england 6 weeks after the birth. turns out he was taking his paternity leave after bubs birth but spent it with his girlfiend instead of his family. after loads of fights over th phone i decided i was leaving him and when he came back up to collect me and take me home i told him it was over and my mum took him to the bus stop to get the bus to his mums (the car was in my name and had so far been paid for by my parents) turns out he had come up at least 1 day before and had spent a couple days with the gf before coming to see me and my kids.

separation, homelessness, ex wiping the bank account leaving me penniless que PND again. its now been 17 months and this past couple of weeks i have been feeling so so low again. i feel so guilty that my parents are paying for a car for me so i have a bit of freedom and can tke my kids to their hospital appointments. i feel so scared tht my ex, who has never really bothered with the kids and hasnt seen them since before we split, has suddenly decided he wants to see them and is goinbg to be up in area in the next few days will try to find me and the kids. im totally terrified.

everything i seem to say or do at the moment goes wrong. kids are getting on my nerves fighting with each other all the frickin time!!! my house is a mess (untidy not unclean!) but i have no motivtion to even try to tidy it. i dont know where to start. i didnt want to get out of bed this morning but if i dont then who is going to look after the kids? i feel like im existing not living and i cant see any way out. i want a job but any jobs going need you to work evenings and weekends. as a single parent i cant do that coz the boys nursery isnt open after half 6 or at weekends. i feel discriminated against coz i cant work then not simply that i dont want to but then again its not fair to have one rule for single parents and another for everyone else. i lost out on a job i was move than qualified for that i would have loved simply because i COULDNT work 4 in every 6 saturdays. i want a life. i want freedom. i want a future for me and my kids and i cannot see anyway that i can give that to them.

sorry to go on for so long. i dont know whether this has helped or not. only time will tell i guess. i dont really need anyone to reply i just wanted to write it all down so i can come back to it later and see if i can make sense of my muddled head for once in my life!!