Popping in to ask for advice about friends who are LTTC (WARNING, may be triggering)

[BabyKiwi]

Hi ladies,

I didn't know the best way to do this, so please understand, I'm NOT trying to piss anyone off. I'm just trying to get an insight into a delicate situation so I can handle it as sensitively as possible.

My husband has a very good friend (20 years of friendship) who felt so strongly about having children that he and his former partner broke up after 10 years of being together over her unwillingness to have kids (she was a lovely person, it was just one of those things where you really can't compromise, they were both gutted when they broke up apparently). He then met and married his lovely wife and they have been ttc for five years as far as I know. They have been through two rounds of IVF without success.

My husband two years ago also really wanted kids, but his first wife left him years ago and he was convinced he wouldn't have the chance. My husband and his friend I think bonded over the grief of not having kids.

Then my husband met and married me, and we are expecting our first to appear in about a month or so. My husband wants his close friend and his wife to be godparents, but I'm...hesitant, because I don't want to seem as if we are rubbing our happiness in their faces. They are one of the reasons I have kept everything baby related off my facebook (I have a secret group for people who actually want updates). They have always acted happy for us, but I have no idea how they feel behind closed doors.

Do any of you have suggestions about how to apporach this with them? Or even if you think we should? Lttc is not something I have ever had to deal with (yet...who knows what the future holds) and so while I have great sympathy, I have no ability to have empathy, and don't want to inandvertantly cause them more pain by saying the wrong thing.

help?

 

[Redfraggle]

Oh wow are you an amazing friend!

They probably are happy for you. Not saying that they don't have moments of jealousy and whatever behind closed doors but that is natural I think. I've always been happy for my friends and family who were pregnant because I'm glad they don't go through the hell that I do.

I think you should ask them. I'd be totally honored it if was me. Good luck and let us know how it goes.

 

[Athena]

I agree with Fraggle, I would be honoured to be asked. I think it's really nice that you're being so sensitive about the whole situation xxx

 

[chicky160]

I agree with the other ladies too. I'm sure they will feel a little sad at points and that's to be expected. I know how hard it is to have every single person I know either be pregnant or already have a family (except for a few of us left on here) but I'm sure they would be absolutely delighted! I know I would, to be given the opportunity to be godparents and trusted enough to be a huge part of a babies life is an absolute honour. My bf never asked me because of our situation and it really upset me more. I'm sure they will be thrilled and well done you for being so considerate. If they really feel uncomfortable with it then they have the option to refuse x

 

[Natashaa1]

I totally think you should ask them and think its great you are being such good and sensitive friends. I'm sure they will be honoured.

 

[Missus_L]

I have 1st hand experience of this hun. My DH cousin and his wife (not been together as long as us and got married a few months later than us) got pregnant and they like everyone else we know didn't like telling us that they were expecting. They had their little angel and they asked us if we would be godparents as they didn't see anyone else who would fit the bill as much as us as we are a close unit and knew that their DD would be looked after by us if ever need be. We were very honoured and we love her so much.

If they are good friends they will be so happy and will understand too. You are an amazing friend and having people like you who are considerate about this sensitive issue around is good x

 

[xxshellsxx]

I have 6 godsons!! (no god daughters maybe they think i'll be a bad influence on them lol) I was honoured to be asked for each and everyone of them, i may never have my own and to know someone trusts me enough to love and care for their children and want me to be part of their life is a wonderful feeling.

Don't mention anything about LTTTC - just tell them exactly why you want them to play such a role in your child's life, and do it before the baby is born, it will make baby's appearance more bearable, well it did for me, I'm sure your friend will be really happy to be asked. x

 

[AlyCon]

I also think that it would be a good idea. But like the previous poster said, dont mention their TTC troubles. You dont want to come off like "Well since your chances of conceiving are slim, how about i make you god parent?" cuz that would be offensive. otherwise its a great idea

 

[laustiredttc]

i wish some of my friends and family were as considerate as you. I have experienced some horrendous comments since ttc. I think you are a great friend and its a lovely idea to go ahead with. I second and third what the girls said about saying anything about their troubles.

Hope you have a healthy pregnancy and congrats