Possible autism :(

[Bluetomato]

Hi,
I am new to this section, and its all a bit of a blur to me at the moment as im upset at what ive been told about Harrison.
I knew he was speech delayed, and through my health visitor and his nursery we got him refered for speech therapy. When he was seen by the speech therapist she agreed that he was speech and language delayed and that she would review him again in a couple of months. She also noticed the he hand rubs when he is excited and pulls a grimace like face. Harrison has done this for as long as I remember, when he gets excited he rubs his hands together furiously and makes a face. We discussed this and his s/t said she was going to note it down as it wasn't usual behaviour.
She reviewed him again in the middle of October, and I rang her about a week later. What she told me has really upset me, and I have today received a copy of his report. It basically says that although his language has improved, his play skills are delayed for his age, he plays on his own most of the time and seems unaware of others around him. He also does repetitive play. He plays alongside peers and remains fairly isolated - he moves away when others want to play with him and he will watch others play, but won't join in. His eye contact isn't great and he talks to people without gaining their attention and he is still hand rubbing and pulling faces. Harrison is also sensitive to sound - fireworks have been awful this year, he had to go to bed with ear defenders on as otherwise he would scream with fright when the fireworks went off - not just scared but absolutley terrified. He gets like this with loud sounds, fire alarms, loud moterbikes etc.
This is pointing towards him being on the autistic spectrum (both the s/t and the other nursery he goes to have mentioned it), and I am so upset. He has been reffered to a specialist and I know a diagnosis will help in the long run, and I want him to have all the help he can get. I just can't stop reading the bits in the report where he seems to play on his own all the time or is observed watching other children play without joining in. I have visions of him constantly being on his own and being so lonely

 

[kelzyboo]

If it helps my little girl has just been diagnosed with ASD and this time last year when it was suggested to me i felt what you felt! It's normal to have a wide range of emotions, to feel fine one moment and heartbroken the next.
My little angel has trouble forming friendships, its part and parcel of ASD i'm afraid but she does have a few friends at school she is happy to play with, and for the most part when she is playing alone it's because she wants to be. A lot of people with ASD prefer their own company and as long as they are happy this is not a problem.

Everyone at the school gates wants to talk to Abbie, say hello and play with her, i have to tell her to say hi back to them as she is very much self involved (not in a bad way), just trying to point out that it doesnt stop anyone wanting to play with her at the moment, all the kids in her class have known her for 3 years since nursery and are very accepting of her. I think as they get older they learn to socialize better but only if they want to, if they like to be alone then thats fine too.

I've found with a lot of things you just have to go with the flow and relax a little, your son sounds like a lovely little boy and he will learn these skills as he gets older. I still break my heart sometimes at the thought of her being lonely but i will not let that happen, if they have brother's and sister's thats even better, someone who understands them and will always be there can't be a bad thing.

As for how you feel it's normal hun, think you have to go through all emotions to get to diagnosis but you will get there and your right, the help and understanding is what's best for them in the end.

Hope all goes well and take care xx

 

[velvetina]

Hey lovely, I am sorry you are feeling like this, but I promise it does get better.

My eldest is now 14 yrs and you describe exactly how I used to feel, its a normal feeling to such a situation.

I can only describe the whole process from the concern something is not right to the diagnosis and the start of placements to support you all, that somewhere in this journey you will start to find some acceptance and with that a calmness does come. There is no set time limit for this, it is individual. For me it was when I could say the word "autism" to friends and family and not feel so terrified everytime we had a review at the development centre or speech and language nursery.

You have to grieve for the role you thought you were taking on and the child you thought was coming that hit all his milestones and didn't cause any concerns.

I totally understand your concern about your son being alone, my son was exactly the same. As time has rolled on, with encouragement from nursery and schools, he made friends in his own way with classmates and one boy who we saw outside school and his mum and I are friends. He currently has 2 good friends who are in his class at his special school and the same boy outside of school. I have accepted that he does not want to be particularly sociable with anyone other than those he has chosen, and while I would fret over it, I see now that it is his choice. It is however very hard when they are young as it stands out and your natural instinct is to protect them and want them to be happy.

If your son is diagnosed lovely, please get yourself a good book and have a read about what if feels like for them, it will help you understand why they do certain things, don't like certain noises. The brain is "wired" in a different way, which is why their responses and feelings different to a neurotypical person. Things you would not even think about like the lighting in a shop, it could be giving off a noise that hurts their ears, a sound you just cannot hear.

The spectrum is a very large one, and intervention and the right schooling are crucial and can make big differences and also good old time for them to grow and develop and mature, just like any other child.

If there is anything else please ask, I know it hurts now but you are not alone and there is much scope and hope ahead. x

 

[Bluetomato]

Thankyou so much for both replying, it helps to know that im not alone! I cried last night about it all - im not sleeping well, and with pregnancy hormones and worrying about Harrison it all came to a head.
Im very lucky that Harrisons senco at his main pre school (he does 2 days at one preschool, and one at another), is brilliant and has set up an Individual education plan for him already. On his report his speech therapist suggested things to do with Harrison to help him, but they are mostly covered in the iep anyway so im pleased that he is getting the support there.
I watched him play for a little bit and saw that he does like to play on his own, although he is happy for another child to play alongside him. I also witnessed his repetitive play - he had a train and instead of pushing it along the track he pushed it forwards and backwards really quickly, something ive seen him doing with cars and other toy vehicles at home.
I think the main thing I need to see is that hes happy, which he seems to be at both preschools. He will go off and do his own thing as soon as we get there and even though he was mainly playing alone during the time I was watching him he seemed content and happy playing with the toys there.
His speech therapist is reviewing him in February, and hopefully we won't have to wait too long for the referal to the specialist to see whats going on x

 

[Midnight_Fairy]

Hugs, my son has autism. With help and support someone with autism can lead a full life just like anyone else xx

 

[Newdreemz]

It does get better! I actually knew my son was autistic when he was just 8 mo., before we went to the psychologist, the doctors...I knew! I educated myself early on. So when i received his diagnosis I wasn't really devastated because i prepared myself.

Yes, I cried, and his father was in denial so it created problems between us but I always told myself, GOD predetermines everything. This was just already planned for me. I think it takes SPECIAL Strong mommies to do what we do. Everyone cannot handle this. but I felt like I was just chosen. I raise my babies the best way I know how, and my 3 year old autistic son is no different than my 7 year old "normal" one. LOL They are just wired different. Hes taught me patience, acceptance, and Ive learned to appreciate the littlest things that MOST parents take for granted. I'm so proud of him. It does get easier.

There is so much help available. I hope this gives you a little hope. Hugz

 

[Katiekennedy]

Hi I just wanted to say that I went through the same thing, my son was diagnosed at 3 and a half. He is now 8 years of age and has really blossomed. He had delayed speech for quite some time and you still cannot have a normal full conversation with him but he's getting there. I was lucky enough to get him into a special school and as a result he is really achieving. As long as your little boy gets the right support and intervention there is nothing stopping him from leading a happy and fulfilling life. I do recommend Portage, they were great when my son was at nursery and you can refer him yourself.

 

[Midnight_Fairy]

It does get better! I actually knew my son was autistic when he was just 8 mo., before we went to the psychologist, the doctors...I knew! I educated myself early on. So when i received his diagnosis I wasn't really devastated because i prepared myself.

Yes, I cried, and his father was in denial so it created problems between us but I always told myself, GOD predetermines everything. This was just already planned for me. I think it takes SPECIAL Strong mommies to do what we do. Everyone cannot handle this. but I felt like I was just chosen. I raise my babies the best way I know how, and my 3 year old autistic son is no different than my 7 year old "normal" one. LOL They are just wired different. Hes taught me patience, acceptance, and Ive learned to appreciate the littlest things that MOST parents take for granted. I'm so proud of him. It does get easier.

There is so much help available. I hope this gives you a little hope. Hugz

what a brilliant post. I do agree with the last bit lots, SMALL steps to anyone else are like mountains for us. Seeing him make small progress is so exciting and I wonder if I would miss this if he didnt have ASD. It is very hard to parent a special child. It puts new strains on yoru family and social dynamics but in time things will start to fall into place and it will become that little bit easier.

xxx

 

[Sparkleyone]

My heart absolutely goes out to you. I promise you, this stage is the hardest part - going from thinking your child is normal (albiet delayed) and then having your world thrown upside down. Its a horrible process, let alone when you're pregnant and more emotional that usual.

What I will say, and I promise you, that it will get easier with time. Yes, you may have some dark days. But please dont suffer alone. Surround yourself in people who understand. Educate yourself. But dont overwhelm yourself with too much information either. I felt like I needed to know everything, about the present and the future. It was the wrong thing to do.

Its difficult to read through reports which are focusing on concerns. Even to date I try and focus on the things my son can do, his achievements are so precious and I love him even more. My son has improved from the day we first were told that we were facing Autism. He's done things I never thought possible and never fails to surprise me. Yes, I am still grieving inside, I think I always will.

You'll go through many different emotions quite possibly. Everyone copes differently, I took it extremely badly.

Please PM me should you ever want someone to talk to someone. Take care xx

 

[jojo2605]

Hey hun - just a ray of light at the long tunnel for you - my 3 younger siblings were all diagnosed as being on differing parts of the autistic spectrum as toddlers. They are now 16, 17 & 19 and all attended mainstream school, one is at uni, the other at college and the youngest in his last year - they are doing brilliantly - they all have friends and lead a normal life. The youngest, my brother, not so much as the older 2 (both girls), but he has come on in massive leaps, it's unbelievable.

My mom & stepdad had a long, long road with the 3 of them, but they fought to get the right help and it's paid off massively.

Hugs to you hun xxxxxxxx

 

[Eoz]

Hey babes xx

I am just starting out on this journey and i am also finding it bloody hard.a lot of ladies who have posted on here have been amazing and so supportive.

Its good that it has been picked up early though and you both can get the help you both need xxxx

 

[Bluetomato]

Thankyou for all of your responses, im still waiting for an appointment for Harrison to see a specialist although im sure it won't be until the new year anyway. H is doing well at nursery, being encouraged to join in group activities and learning peoples names. His senco is brilliant there and I have great faith that they are doing all they can for him.
We are still having issues with noises, the other night the boiler started making odd noises and Harrison completly lost it, screaming and was terrified. Now when he goes to bed hes really frightened of it, even though its just making a very quiet humming noise. He wore his ear defenders to bed last night so he couldn't hear it.
Also, something else ive noticed is that he can get a bit obsessive about things. For example, on the radio there is an advert about fire alarms and they have a short clip on there of one going off. This frightens Harrison and he will spend ages talking about fire, smoke, fire alarms, Fireman Sam etc. Could this possibly be to do with autism?
Thanks again for posting x

 

[Midnight_Fairy]

Thankyou for all of your responses, im still waiting for an appointment for Harrison to see a specialist although im sure it won't be until the new year anyway. H is doing well at nursery, being encouraged to join in group activities and learning peoples names. His senco is brilliant there and I have great faith that they are doing all they can for him.
We are still having issues with noises, the other night the boiler started making odd noises and Harrison completly lost it, screaming and was terrified. Now when he goes to bed hes really frightened of it, even though its just making a very quiet humming noise. He wore his ear defenders to bed last night so he couldn't hear it.
Also, something else ive noticed is that he can get a bit obsessive about things. For example, on the radio there is an advert about fire alarms and they have a short clip on there of one going off. This frightens Harrison and he will spend ages talking about fire, smoke, fire alarms, Fireman Sam etc. Could this possibly be to do with autism?
Thanks again for posting x

Hi obsessions and sensitivity to noise are traits but I hope you get answers soon. My boy is really funny with certain noises x