Post natal depression with #1.. prenatal depression?

[jade1991]

Hi everyone, this is a bit of a sensitive post and well I'm not really sure who to speak to so I thought here would maybe be the best first step.

I had postnatal depression with my first, it never really left for about 2 years, but I've always suffered with anxiety and low self esteem. When I was pregnant with my daughter I was absolutely fine, happy, I don't remember feeling down or sad really. My midwife this time has said that around 35 weeks I'll speak with a specialist in PND as to try and avoid it this time.

However, I'm experiencing the signs of it now. I think this is classed as prenatal depression? I mean I've never found it easy admitting I'm feeling low. So it's not really something I'm confident in really telling people even the closest to me.

I want to firstly say that this baby is more than wanted. I'm happy, I'm excited, I'm thrilled for my daughter to have a sibling, thrilled for my OH as it's his first baby and he thought he couldn't have children. So it's a blessing. I don't for one minute feel that I don't want this baby so I don't want people to think that. I just feel, exhausted, drained, I'm having problems switching off at night and staying asleep. I feel sad all the time and I literally could not pin point why. I have absolutely no energy for anything and everything just feels like an effort. I cried for hours last night because OH said that he feels like I'm down and he doesn't like seeing me like this. But I just can't explain it. A lot of it is my own insecurity. When I was pregnant with my daughter my ex was horrible, not interest, told me I looked disgusting and he didn't find me sexy anymore. So I have major issues with the way my bodies changing but I don't know if that stems from him or if that's just because I'm an insecure person.

My OH is fantastic. Literally amazing. He loves me, he does everything for me and he constantly tells me how hot I am. But I just think nothing he can say will ever make me feel secure about my pregnant body.

I'm not sure whether I need to maybe admit this to maybe a doctor or midwife. But I'm scared of being told im depressed and feeling like a failure, again.

Sorry girls I know it's a long post but if you got to the end. Thank you for reading x

 

[xdxxtx]

It's gonna be just fine. I have prenatal depression every time and had postpartum depression after my first two pregnancies. At the time, I felt crazy and horrible. Now, looking back, I can see how strong I was trying to be. I can see how uncontrollable my feelings were. I can see what I was going through. DEFINITELY not a failure. It's going to be okay. Don't be afraid to talk about it or to get help. You deserve the best!

 

[jade1991]

Thank you so much for your lovely post. It's just hard making the first step isn't it because sometimes you just feel silly.. I'm glad there's others out there like me! X

 

[nicem815]

Hi everyone, this is a bit of a sensitive post and well I'm not really sure who to speak to so I thought here would maybe be the best first step.

I had postnatal depression with my first, it never really left for about 2 years, but I've always suffered with anxiety and low self esteem. When I was pregnant with my daughter I was absolutely fine, happy, I don't remember feeling down or sad really. My midwife this time has said that around 35 weeks I'll speak with a specialist in PND as to try and avoid it this time.

However, I'm experiencing the signs of it now. I think this is classed as prenatal depression? I mean I've never found it easy admitting I'm feeling low. So it's not really something I'm confident in really telling people even the closest to me.

I want to firstly say that this baby is more than wanted. I'm happy, I'm excited, I'm thrilled for my daughter to have a sibling, thrilled for my OH as it's his first baby and he thought he couldn't have children. So it's a blessing. I don't for one minute feel that I don't want this baby so I don't want people to think that. I just feel, exhausted, drained, I'm having problems switching off at night and staying asleep. I feel sad all the time and I literally could not pin point why. I have absolutely no energy for anything and everything just feels like an effort. I cried for hours last night because OH said that he feels like I'm down and he doesn't like seeing me like this. But I just can't explain it. A lot of it is my own insecurity. When I was pregnant with my daughter my ex was horrible, not interest, told me I looked disgusting and he didn't find me sexy anymore. So I have major issues with the way my bodies changing but I don't know if that stems from him or if that's just because I'm an insecure person.

My OH is fantastic. Literally amazing. He loves me, he does everything for me and he constantly tells me how hot I am. But I just think nothing he can say will ever make me feel secure about my pregnant body.

I'm not sure whether I need to maybe admit this to maybe a doctor or midwife. But I'm scared of being told im depressed and feeling like a failure, again.

Sorry girls I know it's a long post but if you got to the end. Thank you for reading x

Hey love,
My daughter is almost 2 and I'm due in September with #2. I also started feeling depressed toward the end of the pregnancy with #1, and then had really bad PPD after she was born. I went on meds for a while and it helped tremendously. I stopped the meds when I felt like I could cope again (informing my doctors, of course) and also because I didn't want to be on them when and if I fell pregnant again. So, here I am in the thick of the depression again pregnant with #2! I think that if you realize what's happening, it almost makes it a little better and more tolerable because you know things you can try to feel better. Don't beat yourself up. Let yourself have moments to cry when your little one is asleep. Take warm showers and let it all out and then rest! It is worth talking to your doctor about, though.

 

[girljoe]

Oh sweetie, I'm sorry you're feeling this way.

Don't doubt your OH when he tells you that you look hot. He's not just being sweet, he's being honest. Husbands usually love their pregnant wives' changing bodies. As a woman I'm not sure I understand it, but my husband loved pregnant-naked-me.

Since you are feeling so sad, you should talk to that specialist now. There is no reason to suffer until you reach 35 weeks. Start with the PND specialist and that person may refer you for counseling. I've had some experience with counseling and I gotta tell you, the right counselor can be so helpful. Identifying why you feel insecure or why you feel anxious or why you feel whatever is the first step in neutralizing its power over you.

Don't feel like you must share how you feel with others, even those people closest to you. Its natural and healthy to set boundaries. When you need help, reach out to whoever you are comfortable with, but don't think you need to share anything you don't want to. Sometimes it feels great just to say to a friend, "I could use a hug today." Sometimes it feels great just to have a cry and that's ok, too.

I wish you and your family many blessings as you wait for the new baby.

 

[litieulong48]

It's just hard making the first step isn't it because sometimes you just feel silly..

 

[lilmisscaviar]

Hun I completely feel you. I didn't have postpartum depression with my first or immediately after my second, but I suffered three miscarriages in between my second and third and was depressed for a while. I still think I was suffering from depression with my third - my rainbow - and I felt guilty because I thought I *should* be happy. However the previous losses weighed on me and I became paranoid while I carried her. Since I was pregnant I couldn't take the anti-depressants I was on so I felt very low during my entire pregnancy. I wish I could say that it went away after she was born, but it didn't. I had a hard time bonding with her. Now that I'm pregnant with baby #4 I feel ok most of the time but I still feel depressed some days. You seem to have the support on the family end so that makes it a little easier to get help but I would definitely look into counseling if I were you, especially if you feel you're showing signs of it again. They take it very seriously when you're pregnant because 1) it is a life changing event and 2) they can't really give you medication for it while you're pregnant so counseling is the best option. You want to be the best mom you can when the baby is here. I give you lots of