prefer to date a guy who already has kids or not?

[babycrazy1706]

as a single mummy would you prefer to date a guy who already has kids (who he sees and supports obviously) so that he 'knows the ropes'??

i imagine that to date a guy who already has children and realises the enormity of the job of raising children and juggling and balancing life, would be easier. i.e would a single guy be more likely to be jelous about dividing the time and attention? (obviously he would get the boot if he did)


obviously some childless guys would be fantastic too, whats everyones experiences of dating dads with kids versus dads with no kids? Xx

 

[Jade--x]

My personal preference is I could not date a guy who already had kids. There's many different reasons why to be honest, and one of them is a huge double standard but mainly its because my family unit is complicated enough without adding step siblings to the mix.

My OH doesn't have kids of his own, but my LOs adore him, and he's fantastic with them. All my 4 year old talks about is my OH, asking if he's coming round or if I'm on the phone to someone instantly he's asking if its my OH to speak to him. Its sweet

 

[babycrazy1706]

aww bless! thats lovely! i dream of that!

i understand your preference. i kind of feel that way too. Xx

 

[Dezireey]

I think I would prefer a man who didn't have kids but would not rule out a man I meet if he has kids and we are compatible. There are pros and cons to both, a man with no kids could bail on me if he realises after a while that he doesn't want the responsibility of helping to bring up another mans child and he has had no prior experience of children. on a positive note, there are no step children to consider and unlike a man with his own kids, my LO would likely be No1 in his eyes, whereas a man with his own children is more likely
( obviously) to put those kids needs before my LO's. But of course, a man with kids can also share many experiences with you and understand about bringing up children. It is a tricky minefield but lots of people have made things work in either scenario, so I have an open mind.

 

[babycrazy1706]

Good plan to keep an open mind Xx

 

[Dream.dream]

I've dated both in the past. It's hard dating guys with kids because then you have to coordinate more schedules and the guys I've dated baby's moms wernt exactly nice to me . One of the guys I'm still friends with because of kids are the same age . But it's nice they know what's being a parent is like and they are good with kids

There's pros and cons to both. A guy with no kids has a less complicated life and can work around your child more easily, they have more disposable income, but they may not be good with kids at first and you also have issues with their extended family sometimes because they are dating someone with a child

I didn't have a problem with my second babies dad because he thought ironically he was sterile . So he was happy to except my son .

 

[Jade--x]

When it comes to a partners parents/family I'm very conscious/paranoid I guess about them judging me on having children and instantly deciding they don't like me, or I'm not good enough for their son. Honestly this has never once been the case for me.

My ex's family were absolutely lovely and so welcoming. The first time I met any of his family I met his entire family as it was his brothers 21st. I was terrified lol. In all honesty, I miss his family more than I've ever missed my ex

 

[babycrazy1706]

In all honesty, I miss his family more than I've ever missed my ex

 

[babycrazy1706]

When it comes to a partners parents/family I'm very conscious/paranoid I guess about them judging me on having children and instantly deciding they don't like me, or I'm not good enough for their son. Honestly this has never once been the case for me

thats really nice to hear!

i feel a bit like you, like i'd be judged for being a single mum with 'baggage'

although if people cant accept my son then balls to them

 

[staycutee]

I've dated a couple of men who already have kids but it makes it so much harder trying to find the time to see them as they obviously have other responsibilities. If I was single it wouldn't bother me though.

 

[PinkLady17]

I don't mind toddlers and kids, I would even accept teens...........but definitely it would be an issue for me if his kids already graduated from high school and were living FULL TIME with him.... ive dated a guy in this situation and it was basically impossible; not saying he shouldn't pay attention to his daughter, but honestly speaking, what 22 year old goes out with daddy on a saturday night?? I can understand that if he shared custody and had his daughter for the weekend, but as I said, he had her full time at his house -which is still weird considering she was a grown up adult hehehe....... (and its not like she needed a babysitter or something either lol..go figure),,,

of course, i don't close the possibility that there might be an exception where the man is actually interested in redoing his life again and his supposedly mature daughter or son doesn't stand in the way.

but in general older sons and daughters are definitely a problem for me when it comes to single dads and I try to keep away from it..

 

[babycrazy1706]

seems like dating full stop is bloody complicated
i dont know if im cut out for this!!

 

[Dream.dream]

seems like dating full stop is bloody complicated
i dont know if im cut out for this!!

The right person is the right person kids or not , and if they are the right one you guys will make it work .

 

[Seren0613]

I have dated both in the past before I got pregnant. Now, I'm not sure. Depends on how they would treat lo. Right now, I have no urge to date anytime soon for the next few years, so I guess it doesn't matter lol.

 

[babycrazy1706]

seems like dating full stop is bloody complicated
i dont know if im cut out for this!!

The right person is the right person kids or not , and if they are the right one you guys will make it work .

true!!

 

[daneuse27]

I was going to say exactly what Dezireey wrote. My main concern about getting involved with a man with kids is that the new man who could potentially become the main father figure in my daughter's life would always (understandably) put his own children before her, and I don't think that would be fair to her. She's still very young, and if she's going to grow up in a 2 parent household, I want both of those parents to love her as she deserves. Otherwise there's really no point in me getting married.

A man without kids (who is able to accept the fact that I have one and she comes first) has more potential to love LO as his own and she would also eventually come first in his eyes. So for those reasons, selfishly, I prefer a man with no kids. But I wouldn't rule out a guy with kids if he were amazing and we were highly compatible.

 

[blamesydney]

My OH doesn't have any kids, but he was much older when his mum had a daughter and he pretty much helped raise her so he's fairly good with kids, and has experience with little girls. And his family loves me because his mother was around my age when she had him.

I think it would irrationally hurt my feelings a little, dating a guy with a kid whom put his kid before mine, but I mean, only if we were really serious and he continued to do so. Its completely understandable at first but after you've been together so long, I think you should accept the other persons kid as your own! Therefore, I probably would stay away from men with children.

 

[Louise88]

I dated a guy years ago who had a 2 year old daughter from a previous relationship they split 18 month prior, when his ex found out about me she got my number from his phone while he was at hers seeing his daughter and starting threatening me in texts and phone calls to say the least I got fed up after a week and ended things so I reckon if in the future things don't work out between me and oh then I'd be cautious dating a guy with kids I won't mind dating them if their ex aren't psycho and threaten me or stop the dad from seeing their kids.

 

[PinkLady17]

I was going to say exactly what Dezireey wrote. My main concern about getting involved with a man with kids is that the new man who could potentially become the main father figure in my daughter's life would always (understandably) put his own children before her, and I don't think that would be fair to her. She's still very young, and if she's going to grow up in a 2 parent household, I want both of those parents to love her as she deserves. Otherwise there's really no point in me getting married.

A man without kids (who is able to accept the fact that I have one and she comes first) has more potential to love LO as his own and she would also eventually come first in his eyes. So for those reasons, selfishly, I prefer a man with no kids. But I wouldn't rule out a guy with kids if he were amazing and we were highly compatible.

I agree, basically I also wan a guy who will treat the kids equally

 

[daneuse27]

Do you ladies think you would ever be able to love a stepchild the same way you love your own?

As a first time mom to an infant daughter, I don't believe I ever could. It would be selfish of me to expect him to love my child as his own, knowing that I don't think I could do that in return. There are many blended families though, so maybe it is possible. I just cant imagine it in this moment.