Pregnancy and grief

[yourstruly10]

Hi ladies.
Im not sure if I'm supposed to be over here yet but I felt at the end of first tri. I'll be 13 weeks tomorrow.

Anyways my question is about grief and how it may affect my baby.

I lost my mom Thursday after a 2 year battle with cancer. I haven't really been able to stop crying since. Im only 26 and she was only 53 sp very young to go. She was my best friend and the one I turned to for everything so in struggling with turning to others for support. My husband has been great and has been off work since and I got to spend her last two days with her even though she wasn't responsive in any way. I'm feeling a lot of regret in regards to time spent together and feeling like it wasn't enough. She's been in and out of hospital for the last year and it was hard to get up there a lot with 3 kids and work ect. I thought I had more time. It isn't helping that her boyfriend of 5 years has taken over all planning for her now that she's gone and hasn't really let me be involved. I'm to nice to argue with him though as I know he's hurting too and no would hate any drama being caused.

I just really hope I'm not hurting this baby in any way by being so upset or stressed out. If anyone knows if I could be or what I can do to protect baby I'd love some advice.

I added the last picture I have of my mom and I from my wedding in august. She was so full of life and joy. I miss her.

 

[WantsALittle1]

First of all I am so sorry for the loss of your mother and best friend. There are no words for how monumental and life-changing such an event is, and I can only imagine how hard this time is for you. Sending a million hugs

There's nothing you can do about the fact that this event happened right now, in the midst of your pregnancy. I don't think you should burden yourself with feeling guilty over your very natural, absolutely deserved grief process. I personally tend to reach out to therapists in times like these. Perhaps the best thing you could do for yourself in this time is to connect with a therapist who specializes in loss. It will help you, and it will ultimately help baby and that may assuage some of the apprehension you're feeling. I say this because therapy is exactly that--it's therapy. It's forward movement rather than staying in one very painful spot. You can't do anything about the fact that your heart is breaking. I don't think you can hide that from the world, or from your baby, and I don't think you should try to. It's okay to be honest, to let your heart feel the weight of the this loss. I think, though, that if you have a therapist in your life who is supportive and an expert in grief counseling, that they can help you find the most peaceful path through this difficult time rather than trying to go it alone. You can try deep breathing when you feel that wave of grief coming on (I know that wave very well), and I always find that a walk helps, but ultimately, pregnancy is hard on your body and grief is hard on your heart, and it is okay to reach out for help.

There is only so much that we here can do across an internet connection, but a true human connection, in person, where you can cry, and share, and hear comforting words, I think this is the first thing I would reach for if I were suffering such a monumental loss. Nobody can ever take the place of your mom, and nobody's advice will ever be as good as hers was, but know that there is so much love in this world.

It sounds like your mother had a huge impact on your life, was a very huge person in your life, and you will be able to share her legacy with your darling child one day, and also you'll be able to let that child know that you got through this together.

Hoping this helps in some small way x

 

[LilMiss_91]

I wish I had some words of advice or comfort but I don't. But I didn't want to read and run. If I lost my mum it would be like losing half of myself.
I'm so so sorry for your dreadful loss, so many hugs and prayers to you. I hope you find peace xx

 

[Spiffynoodles]

I'm so sorry for your loss. I lost my mom to cancer when I was only 11 years old, so just be thankful that you got as many wonderful years with her as you did. I wish I could have had an adult relationship with my own mom.

As for your baby, I wouldn't let that worry add to your burdens. Grief is normal and babies are strong. I don't think you need to be concerned unless your grief turns to genuine depression, or if it causes you to stop eating, etc. Just breathe, and remember that your mom will always be there to watch over your precious little one in a way she never could have before.

 

[biscuits104]

I'm so very sorry for your loss. I agree with finding a therapist who specializes in loss. And let go of any guilt you feel about grieving. Also, don't underestimate the importance of hydration during this time of so many tears. Pregnant women need more hydration anyway. I'd also call your dr, tell them your situation and see what they recommend. Again, I'm so sorry.

 

[sophxx]

So sorry for your loss. X

 

[LDC]

Hey lovely,

I am so sorry for the loss of your mum, it's one of the hardest things to go through. I lost my mum at 21 and she was 43, also through cancer (much shorter, she was diagnosed and died within three months).

Please be kind to yourself, it happened so recently and all of your emotions will be so mixed and raw. Go with whatever emotions you feel and manage them the best you can.

Try to make sure you're getting rest and eating little and often, even if you don't feel like it and staying hydrated for baby. Low stress is good but you need to get your emotions out too as bottling them up won't help in the long term.

Do you have any support systems in place? I had bereavement counselling after my mum passed and it really helped me, alongside a network of a few close friends. I also got involved with the cancer charity related to my mums death and marie Curie to keep me busy and give something back; fund raising and blogging mainly. It helped get my thoughts out when I felt like I was going insane.

Please feel free to message me if you need to talk

Xx

 

[wildflower79]

I'm so so sorry for your loss x

 

[jenmcn1]

I'm soooooo sorry to hear of your loss....cancer is truly devastating. So difficult. I don't have any words of wisdom, but please know that I'm praying for you. For peace and strength. What an incredible relationship you must've had with your mama. Hugs and love from Jen xoxo

 

[eva1978]

I'm very sorry That's very hard, especially I think while expecting a baby.
If it helps I don't think your grief will have a strong negative impact on the baby though. Grief is a natural thing that you must go through in order to get through your life. Don't avoid going through it because you are worried - in the end it's probably worst to try and hold back the pain.

I lost my mom almost 1.5 years ago, fairly suddenly. I try to focus on the great memories - that she was alive when I had my first two kids, for my wedding, and countless other wonderful things. I'm sad she won't be on this Earth to see our next child, which she obviously would have enjoyed immensely. xox hugs

 

[lovemybubba]

I'm so so sorry for your loss, it's heartbreaking. I haven't read any of the replies yet, but I just wanted to let you know that baby will be fine.
I lost my dad this year in October, it was a complete shock. I was around 9 weeks pregnant. My baby hasn't suffered at all. I cried and cried for a very long time, I still do sometimes. I do wonder if my hormones made it harder for me to deal with my grieving, but I've never lost anyone so important to me before, so I don't know.

It will get easier though, it'll be hard for a while, you'll feel angry and like screaming. That's ok, these things wouldn't harm baby I'm sure.
Sending huge hugs your way xx

 

[MrsAmk]

just want to say I am with you. My dad unexpectedly took his life almost two weeks ago and I am 16 weeks pregnant now. I have not stopped crying either. PM me if you want to talk.