Pregnancy causing relationship problems?

[MyFavSurprise]

My fiance and I have been fighting all the time and are wondering if we can even make it through this. Sometimes I get so irritated I just want to walk away but there's so many more reasons to stay, and before I was pregnant there weren't all these problems.

I don't want to split the family we've made and he's always there for my son and I..when I was at the hospital getting my appendix out a few weeks ago he was amazing, he worked full shifts, checked on my mom's cat twice a day, went home from work to see our son, then came to the hospital to see me then spent the night and left early to get our son to preschool and do it all again..with no complaints at all..

I appreciate it all so much and maybe I'm being horrible but I feel like he's not supporting me emotionally. I told him last night that I was having a lot of pressure and I was worried about the baby because I'd never felt that before and it was scaring me, and I got kind of a hmm reaction and him laying down to go to sleep...I was so upset..I keep feeling like I'm trying to tell him my fears and concerns and sometimes it even feels like he's taking the other side and I don't know what to say or do..it keeps irritating me so much..am I being crazy and hormonal?

 

[Dibbles]

Awww hun I'm sorry you feel that way but it sounds like hormones.

Maybe keep a diary/journal to vent, or vent to us on here! Then you can talk to your OH about more pleasant things. I find that men don't react well to problems they can't solve. It makes them feel useless and inadequate. And when he does suggest a 'solution' it can sound like you're being brushed off, you're not he's honestly trying to help.

This doesn't mean you shouldn't share your fears and troubles with him, but I suggest you look at your conversations and see how much of it is just you venting or 'complaining'. When we get pregnant and hormonal it can be a much bigger percentage than OH can bear. You may enjoy reading 'how to solve your problems without talking about them' which is much more interesting and insightful than you would imagine from the title.

Good luck & wishing you a happy and healthy pregnany

 

[jlw617]

Sounds like he is a great guy and I would definitely try to use other outlets if you can, I know it's tough because you want him to be the one to support you in that way but sometimes men just honestly have no clue lol! They are great in other areas but just don't know how to support us the way we want...I'll give you an example of how mine used to be and still is sometimes hehe, before our first was born, we suffered from a miscarriage and it was on Valentine's Day of all days-well DH had never boughten me flowers yet, and what does he do? Brings me flowers for Valentine's Day while I'm in the ER, after I've just been told I'd lost our first child...not exactly the best time for that, he has grown a lot though but we've been married for 9years now, so it took some time

 

[MyFavSurprise]

Thank you both so much, I needed perspective from other ladies that have been through it. I was single when pregnant with my son (who my fiance loves and considers his son just as much as any of our biological kids will be) and I never dealt with this...and to be honest I've never been in such a great relationship, I don't know what to expect, my ex who I was with for 7 years treated me like dirt and much much worse.

Yeah he kept saying just tell me what you want me to do, I'm doing everything I know how..I don't know what to do anymore, just tell me so I can do it.. ugh I feel soo bad. I've been giving him such a hard time, we're like best friends too so I guess I've been expecting so much from him and it's just way too much.

The hormones are killing me too because I get mad so fast! I know he wonders if I even still want to be with him..I keep telling him it's the pregnancy but it's getting harder and harder on us.

I'm interested in that book, I'll definitely have to check it out.

 

[Stephytiggs]

Its just the hormones!! Please don't make any rash decision on your relation which was otherwise fine at this stage in your pregnancy! My friend was exactly the same as you, after a few weeks the hormones settled and its as if it never happened, they're a very Happy family once again xx

 

[CountryBride]

I agree with the other ladies. Please don't do anything rash while under the effects of pregnancy hormones. It is true that not all guys know how to be as emotionally there as we want them to be, but it does sound like he is doing is best to support you in other ways that he does know how to do. At the beginning of my pregnancy I felt similarly with my husband, that he just didn't understand, didn't care, didn't know how to comfort me or perhaps didn't want to. It was miserable. But after a few weeks it clicked. I explained to him that I know he can't change what's going on in my body, or even in my head, but that it's hard for me to deal with, and I need to vent, and I need him to just sympathize. Men tend to want to fix, and so when they can't fix they get upset or shut down. But when they realize we don't expect a fix, just a hug, a snuggle, or an "It will be ok", maybe an "You are strong, you will make it", it relieves some of the pressure on them.

 

[MyFavSurprise]

Ohh that all sounds so possible and gives me a lot of hope. I've been really struggling and I know he has too.. He's definitely a fixer and that's exactly what he said when I got upset is he doesn't know how to fix it...now if I told him take me to the hospital he would have jumped up, and I know that.

 

[o0oCharlieo0o]

I think its a guy thing and our hormones just dont take it so well, my fiance been peeing me off a lot i feel he thinks im just overreacting and dont care, i had a headache for 4 days that wouldn't go even with pain killers at the same time i was having dizzy spells almost fainting, i text the midwife and she asked me to go maternity assessment and get my bp checked, when i said this to OH (he drives i dont) he just said "you had headaches and dizziness with Ava aswell its just a waste of time" so i didnt go, but he then kept on saying well lets go up there and i said no because he thinks its a waste of time and he was saying "i never said we shouldn't go though" but it was too late he had made me feel like i was wasting time so i didnt go, the headache has got a lot better since, still there though, then last night i was having painless tightenings, im guessing Braxton hicks but this is my 4th baby and id never had them before so it was starting to worry me a bit, then i was getting achy period pains at the same time which worried me more, so i was sitting up just didnt want to go to sleep incase, he asked if i wanted paracetomol i said i didnt know because i didnt want to mask anything that i would need to know was happening and he just said "why do you always think the worst, nothing is wrong" then went to sleep, how does he know nothing was wrong? Id never felt Braxton hicks before, had horrible period pains and i wasnt moaning about it just sitting up watching tv, it annoyed me because i just thought at least i care about the bloody baby,but hes just a man who cant be bothered to think before he speaks and doesn't realise that its upsetting to be made to feel like your just over reacting when you just care and worry for your baby, men really dont think before they speak do they?

 

[lewood88]

Aww hun he sounds like a good guy, me and my OH havnt been getting on lately he gets in my nerves the way he goes on at me, he said some horrible things yesterday and u dont know what came over ne but i punched him in the face im not an aggresive person and i felt so guilty after x

 

[fashionlover]

You are not alone, my husband and I can't get along for the life of us. I blame it on my hormones and his stupidity as a male to not be able to recognize.

 

[PocoHR]

I feel for you. Sometimes I feel angry or like I want to cry and I can tell my mind is trying to attribute it to one cause or another (usually something my DH has said/done), but I try really hard to think about it and rationalize the situation and separate my desire to be angry/cry from what is happening. Most of the time, he hasn't done anything wrong, I'm just in the mood to be grumpy or weepy and there is nothing to be done except to feel it out and wait until it passes. When I feel that way and he is around, I'll usually just let myself cry and go to him and and tell him I feel weepy. Usually he hugs me and tries to figure out if anything is really wrong, but I tell him its just hormones and I feel like crying and I need him to cuddle me and be a little extra nice. That solves whatever I thought I was angry about 90% of the time. What I really need when I feel like that is a cuddle and a little softness, so I try to ask for that from him without accusing him of causing my mood, and this works for me. Even if sometimes I would rather shout at him

 

[MyFavSurprise]

Wow, for a while I was really afraid that we were falling apart..but after reading what everyone else is going through I feel so much better.. I think I've been pushing him away in fear that my feelings have been real and it's been making things harder.. Last night I let go of that a little and we had a good time again.. I hope I can continue to get over these awful hormones, they are so strong! We wanted a baby so much and now he thinks I want to leave him, it got pretty bad. Thank you all for sharing what you're going through too, it gives be so much hope!

 

[EleanoirRigby]

My husband and I have hit some rough patches too, and I attribute most of it to my attitude/hormonal outbursts. I'm feeling everything more strongly than I did with my DD and he even *jokingly...I think* made a comment how he can absolutely not wait for me to be back to just PMSing. I'm here for you if you need to vent!

 

[jenny873]

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