Pregnant after stillbirth

[Droplette]

My beautiful baby girl was born sleeping almost 1 year ago (June 26 we found out and I gave birth to her June 29 2012). I just found out my fiance and I are expecting again. To say that I am afraid would be understatement of the year. I am more than afraid. And I feel like my fear and sadness is taking away from me being happy. I should be so happy to be able to have another chance to be a mom but I'm just...not. How horrible does that sound? Anyone feel the same way? Will it get better?

 

[SloppyJoe]

I understand this..I am going through it. Just remember every pregnancy is different, and don't give up being happy for the doubts that seep in.

 

[mnicole]

I don't think it's terrible, and I don't think it's "normal" by normal standards....but for those of us who have experienced what a loss ofa child is like, it is our normal.
I am currently 6 weeks pregnant, after a 22 week stillbirth delivery due to preterm labour (unexplained) April of last year, and an early natural miscarriage, November of last year. In my case, neither loss is related, so it's pretty tricky deciding and knowing what to do with this one.
I know it's early days, but I found out at 3.5 weeks and have had nearly 3 weeks to comprehend this pregnancy. However, I am fully and 100% detatched from this one, thus far. I don't think we are bad people for being nervous or skeptical, I think it is a natural defense mechanism that any woman who is experiencing pregnancy after loss would use.
I do wish you all the best for this pregnancy xo

 

[SwabianMrs]

So sorry to hear about your daughter. I have some idea of your heartbreak - I lost my first baby, my son, at 32 weeks. Words can not describe how broken hearted we were. It was the day we realised that there is no door to hell, hell is potentially round every corner. The day we realised he was gone was the day we realised that.

Eleven months after we lost our son - our rainbow, our first daughter was born. I had a textbook perfect pregnancy with her.

That pregnancy was terrifying. At all the doctors visits I was waiting to be told that she was dead too. All the things that I got excited about in my first pregnancy, were horrific in my second. I spent my pregnancy functioning but not living.

Early in my pregnancy, I feared I could never love this baby - after all, I just wanted my son. But goodness I fell in love with her. I was in love before I hit 12 weeks but I tried to fight it.

Strangely, the further along in the pregnancy I got - the more scared I got. You see, I didn't believe I could EVER have a live baby so the closer to due date I was - the closer I was to losing her. But I didn't lose her. She made it to me. She did everything perfectly.

This will be a hard time for you. Very little will reassure you - a lot will annoy the heck out of you.

My advice is to try and be gentle with yourself. Don't be mean to the scared mum to be. Don't tell her to get a grip. If she needs extra checks so she can sleep at night - let her.

I will always miss my son. I will always be sad that he is not here. But I can love both my children and my daughter brought hope and a future back into our lives.

I pray you get the joy of holding on to your rainbow's hand and for your rainbow to hold back.

PM me if you have any questions you think I can answer.

 

[jackie158]

I am 17 weeks and it has not gotten better for me. But I have been attacked for my feelings on several different support groups with facebook. I was actually going to get ready to post here and see if I could get support when I came across your post. I am 17 weks and not feeling any movement. 8 months ago, I lost a baby to truner syndrome and the baby died at 19 weeks gestational age. It was a long, hard pregnancy. Doctors and my family wanted me to terminate. I refused. Because I didnt do what the doctors wanted (terminate) they wouldnt help us. I found a childrens hospital in Philly, PA and they have a fetal disnotic unit where they do fetal surgeries. My daughter had severe hydrops. They were going to help us put tubes on her to drain the water She died 3 days before our appointment....WIth this pregnancy, I did not plan it. I got ovarian cysts for the first time in my life after I delivered Gracie and went on birth control and had to get surgery to remove one that was 6cm. I got pregnant on birth control. This been hard for me now. I want to detach myself afrid the same thing is going to happen again. Many people have cussed me out for feeling this way and I was called a troll on one borad for feeling like I want to detach myself. Which to me, putting walls up would be a normal reaction for anyone. I have one living daughter and feel blessed with her. I keep telling myself if this baby does not make it I have her. WHich people have called me selfish for feeling that way. I have been through the ringer....Hope things get better for you....for me, I have PTSS from the last pregnancy and its been very hard for us

 

[Droplette]

Thank you for your kind words ladies, I really appreciate it. So far, I am taking things day by day. I find if I keep myself busy, then I have no time to dwell on the 'what ifs' but there are times when I do and it really kills me. I have a very good support system. My fiance is extremely happy at the chance of becoming a daddy so I hope his happiness eventually rubs off on me.

 

[MandaAnda]

I think we will always be worried, as there's no way to be naive anymore. We know what the harsh reality can be. But try to trust your body and your baby, that they both know the best thing to do. But it is so bittersweet.

Jackie, I lost my baby to Turner syndrome as well. She was so unwell that they couldn't believe she was alive with a good heartbeat on my scan at 12+2. I had a repeat scan 9 days later, wanting to adopt the wait and see approach. She had gone. I knew she had. I'd felt a disconnect about four days before. I chose to be induced two days later and delivered her, rather than have an ERPC. I also had a post mortem for her. The results of Turner syndrome are more reassuring than other chromosomal abnormalities, in that we are no more at risk in subsequent pregnancies than anyone else. It was just a fluke that we had the misfortune to face.

My NT measurement this time was 1.2mm, and baby looked fine. I'll stress for a good few weeks more though. It's just natural. xx