pregnant and alone

[xlhaybx]

hi ya! just reli wanted some advice on what to do. im 19years old and pregnant. i was going to have an abortion after telling the father of the baby about it but i cant go through with it. im not with him but we are still very close friends. ive told him and he said that he doesnt want to know me and just to let him know when the baby is born. i dont know if i am able to bring up a baby as i am unstable atm but so is he. i dont know what to do for the best? just reli need some advice, if anyone can help?

 

[thelilbump]

hi ya! just reli wanted some advice on what to do. im 19years old and pregnant. i was going to have an abortion after telling the father of the baby about it but i cant go through with it. im not with him but we are still very close friends. ive told him and he said that he doesnt want to know me and just to let him know when the baby is born. i dont know if i am able to bring up a baby as i am unstable atm but so is he. i dont know what to do for the best? just reli need some advice, if anyone can help?

Hi

No one can give u the answer, you gotta do what's best for you. There are plenty of girls that go through pregnancy and bring up babies on their own and they're doin fab jobs. Everyone has their doubts about whether they can bring up a child or not, partner or no partner its a natural response. Depending on how u mean by being unstable, u can most probably sort it out, theres people/ organisations out there that will help u. It's your life though and you will have to live with whatever decision you make, good luck!

 

[missjacey44]

your unstable in what way?

 

[Irishmum]

Hiya hun! Well first off no one can tell you what is right for you. There will be people who will have opinions based around a pro life status and you need a view which is both sides of the coin.

I will tell you this I found myself in a very similar position to you in January of this year. The father wanted me to abort and was quiet the nasty about it. I gave myself a deadline to make my decision and really gave an awful lot of thought to all the pros and the cons of each possible scenario from adoption, abortian, keeping the baby. Everything. Before I even reached my deadline I had made my decision.

The decision I made was to keep this baby and honestly I have never really looked back. I haven't spoken to the father since being two months pregnant. I am now due in 13 days and the anticipation is killing me. I feel that I probably would have come to that decision anyway but i think the way about it gave me confidence in it. And thats really important. I know its not much help but you just have to give it alot of thought and make sure you do what is right for you.

 

[xlhaybx]

thanks so much for your replies.

i mean unstable as in i still live with my mum and havnt got any responsiblities. im just scared about what happens if i try but cant cope.

 

[xlhaybx]

Hiya hun! Well first off no one can tell you what is right for you. There will be people who will have opinions based around a pro life status and you need a view which is both sides of the coin.

I will tell you this I found myself in a very similar position to you in January of this year. The father wanted me to abort and was quiet the nasty about it. I gave myself a deadline to make my decision and really gave an awful lot of thought to all the pros and the cons of each possible scenario from adoption, abortian, keeping the baby. Everything. Before I even reached my deadline I had made my decision.

The decision I made was to keep this baby and honestly I have never really looked back. I haven't spoken to the father since being two months pregnant. I am now due in 13 days and the anticipation is killing me. I feel that I probably would have come to that decision anyway but i think the way about it gave me confidence in it. And thats really important. I know its not much help but you just have to give it alot of thought and make sure you do what is right for you.

have you found it hard without the father around?

 

[thelilbump]

thanks so much for your replies.

i mean unstable as in i still live with my mum and havnt got any responsiblities. im just scared about what happens if i try but cant cope.

thats not necessarily a bad thing - i'm sure your mum will help you. You'd probably also have more money with not having to pay bills etc

 

[Irishmum]

Not really tbh. I mean there are definately days where I feel very alone. But seeing the type of person that he is, that he could care so little about a baby that will be his own flesh and blood, it makes me glad sometimes that he wont be a part of this babies life. I mean sure I'd love my baby to have a father, but only if that father cares for this child. Only if this baby really means something to him. And in ways there are other pressures I haven't had to deal with because of his absence. Like I dont have to worry about organising custody or all the troubles of trying to make sure he will be there when he should be. I guess because I knew he wasnt going to be around it wasnt so hard when he wasn't there. Where as many other women (even not single women) have a very hard time making their partners show they care or be present for important appointments etc.

Also Im still living at home with my mother my younger sister and my grandmother. They have been fantastic. ranted it was a shock to them. But once it sank in they have been so excited and at this point they are looking forward to this baby as much as I am. My mother has asked me to stay in this house with the baby as long as I feel comfortable and has done so much work around the place to make sure everything is ready for LOs arrival.

In fact my family have prob been better support than he could have ever been. Im not going to say it's been peachy all the way through but Im happy with the decision that I made and if i had to go back and do it again the only thing I'd do differently is probably tell my family before I told sperm doner. Lol.

Sorry about going on for so long. But if ya ever want to talk at all Im on here at least once a day so feel free to contact me.

 

[LaDY]

Hey hun, when i was expecting my LO my OH wasn't the happiest man in this world...he tried his best trying to make me change my mind about having the baby however did tell me if i went through with the pregnancy he wouls support the baby when he is born and be a good father however he wasnt sure if there would me a me and him anymore...i genuinly from the bottom of my heart love my partner but i also loved my chilld...after serious consideration and evaluating the situation i decided to go through with it...the thought of being alone scared the hell out of me but i decided that for the sake of my child i will get through it...it was such a daunting thought...i have never been so scared in my life...plus i would have had no family support as my family were against the pregnancy also but i was willing to do it...i just some how knew it would work out even if i did end up alone...luckily during the end of my pregnancy my OH came around and apologised for his actions...and now when i see him with the LO it was amazing that the same man was so scared at one point and didnt want to be a father...if you decide to have the baby the father of the baby may just change his mind but you must think of both sides...only you know what is right hunny...follow your heart babe...whatever you decide goodluck...lots of love xx

 

[Moulder86]

The father of my child wanted me to get rid, when I made the decision to keep him he said he would be there and be a father although there was no us anymore. We were very close friends still but then he got a new girlfriend and eventually made the decision to not be at the birth.

I had to move back to my mum n dads as I couldn't afford my flat anymore so wasn't in a stable place either. And despite him not being there and my situation I wouldn't change my decision for the world.

I love my lil boy with all my heart and the only thing that hurts me is knowing his dad is a twat and will probably break my lil boys heart if I don't do something about it. He's seen him 3 times in nearly 6 weeks!! At the end of the day you've got to make the right choice for you! But I'm sure you'll have your mum there for you and I tell you what the girls here are fantastic and I don't think I could have found a better place to talk to people who REALLY helped me through it all.

xxx