Pregnant and 'Inconvenient' bridesmaid

[Pregmerelda]

My BF (for the last 15 years) is getting married when I will have a very young baby (10 weeks). I am bridesmaid but since i've told her i'm pregnant I feel like I'm an inconvenience and that i've done it on purpose to ruin the day. I can't make the hen party for a start but that seems to be the least of my worries at the moment.

I've already been told that the 'no children rule still applys even to me' and that 'if the dress doesn't look right, i won't wearing it' - (for my own good of course cos i wouldn't want to feel 'fat and unsexy'!)

So as it stands I feel like i've had an ultimatium and that is in a nutshell 'You can be my bridesmaid if you don't bring your baby and you fit into the dress'.

I'm so upset and don't know what to do. The pre-pregnant me would say 'stick it!' but the mard hormonal me just wants to keep everyone happy.

 

[new_to_ttc]

I hear you completely hun, but i am so grateful, my BF sounds like she has been a lot more supportive! Bless her wedding has been planned for ages, and I dreaded telling her I was due a baby 12 weeks before her big day! She was shocked, but she said we'd work round it. Now Im having my dress fitting 10 days before the wedding, and my parents are invited to be baby handlers while i do my dutiful bits. My advice would be to talk to her again, are you having a dress fitting? could it be arranged for after the birth? How far into your pregnancy are you? Try and avoid all the pregnancy cravings, eat really healthily and sensibley and you should only gain the necessary pregnancy weight, which will be easier to lose. Once baby is here, wear tummy support underwear to get your pre-pregnancy shape back quicker. And (rightly or wrongly) I am selfishly going to breastfeed this one (FF last baby) but you can burn up to 500 calories a day BF and get back to pre-pregnancy shape quicker. Im going to do everything I can to make sure Im in shape, but mother mature will in the end be in charge. If you have your dress already, could you not exchange it now for the next size up (easier to take in than take out!). Sit down with her and and try coming up with positive solutions. We've found because I will be on maternity leave its really helpful to her now as I can be there for any last minute things she needs, i'll be over seeing things while she is at work etc so its started to fall into place (she's had 5 months to get used to my news... and now there is way more positives than negitives).

And hun, I know its her big day, but she is your best friend and should be elated for you, you're about to have a baby!!! I really hope you can come to some solutions that means everyone stays happy.

 

[Pregmerelda]

Thanks for the reply - i'm not so worried about getting back into shape. I'd already lost about a stone after the dress purchase and before I found out I was pregnant so feel I have room to play with, plus i eat healthly and do lots of exercise anyway; its more that I can't take my baby with me on the day and night.

I'm a first time mum so have no idea how it feels and if i'll be able to leave 'it' (i say it cos not had my 20 wk scan yet!) and also the princicple of 'banning' my baba!

 

[new_to_ttc]

I dont know why people have 'no children' weddings Ok maybe at the church/service I can try and understand that, but not the evening as well!!! Would you have someone who could walk round the grounds with the baby during the service, or keep him/her at home... then work on your bf to allow the baby to the reception. If not maybe skip the evening do, and just attend the service and photos, at least you'd have shared the important part of the day with your friend, and then you have all evening with your baby?

 

[Pregmerelda]

I think its more that if they bend the rules for me then everone else maybe disgruntled and be put out that they couldn't bring their's. (or as my hubby pointed out, a new baby is an attention grabber!)

I think I will do that; go to the day and the meal then go home to our baba x

 

[Mummy~L]

I dont get the whole no children a weddings rule either! But each to their own!

Can I be rude and ask are you planning on breastfeeding or formula feeding you baby? As at 10 weeks your LO will still probably want feeding every 3-4 hours. Obviously if formula then not a problem.
Is your baby allowed in the evening?? That could be a compromise.

I know if it was my bf I would be so excited for her and would never expect her to leave the baby at home.

I really hope you get something sorted as its not a nice situation to be in! xxxx

 

[Tasha]

Is the wedding at a hotel or something sweetie, if so could you get someone you trust to stay upstairs with baby, and you pop up there when ever you need to check on them? Not that I think how she is treating you is okay (especially piling on the pressure for you to lose weight when you have not even had your baby yet).

 

[Mummy~L]

Also we went to a wedding where there was a 'no children rule' but one of our friends had a 6 week old baby and she was allowed to bring her even though we couldn't bring our 11 month old. To be honest though we didn't feel put out or annoyed as I can understand that a baby that young needs to be with its mama!

xxxx

 

[Pregmerelda]

I'd love to breastfeed but know its not just wanting to, its being able to so i suppose i won't know til nearer the time.

The rule is no kids. Full stop.

I hope it gets better too. I'll be on maternity leave so will be able to help her more, not less!

 

[MiissDior]

My friends wedding in 8weeks and am brides maid am gunna be 19-21weeks..
and if all goes well il be Huge ..

she had orginally Baught my BM dress in 10-12 but that wudnt look at me now
so i had to purchase a 16-18 myself off the company just so i could be gauranteed comfort..

regarding hen night, we've just had big huge row ova me not wanting to stay over the night of the hen (there plans are.. Go-karting half day - Water based activities half day (windsurfing/Kiaking) and then a 3 course meal and shots and drinks and 25 hens back to a house that sleeps max 10 pppl.. i said id happily go for meal and hangout for a while but not doing activites and not stayin over as i didnt wanna bunk up in bed with sumone i dont know whilst pregnant

I was orginally supposed to be organising the hen
but got booted out of that job, as they didnt want what i had planned
(Hummer limo, 4star hotel, spa treatment, hair salon, 4 course meal, night on town, transport too and from town in minibus, club entry, slippers, bathrobe, champagne and chocolates on arrival to the room- something classy)

But My ''friend'' totally hit off at me for not staying ova night of the hen
even went on to say ''youre just pregnant, not as if your dying, i dont get what the big deal is''
that reallii hurt.... so yeah now i feel like a spare wheel and a hindernance in this whole wedding thing,
I was even blown off for 1st dress fitting cus i slept it.. wasup until 5am with my baby who was at doc on call for chest, thraot and ear infection and he screamed in pain until i finally soothed him at 5am... woke up 11:05am RUNNING LATE she was due at 11:30am.. so i text her and was like.. am soo sorry iv only woke, what time do u expect to be here at house at am jus gunna throw my jeans and top on and il be with you, can i do makeup in car..

welll...... she f**ked me off saying.. forget it am past yours now
(ehhhh iv still 25min until she was supposed be here) i dont have time to
wait iv an app time to make..
i text bk and said but you said 11:30
then she tried say i was lyin so i copied and pasted text she sent me
and her reply was ''my bad musta misjudged time -go back to bed and catch up on some sleep, talk to you l8r''
i was like tpo myself OMG.. bitach....im pregnant and scared and nursing a very ill baby, i jump outa bed panicking over what time she'll be here wil i be dressed in time and tis is how am spoken too

and now all this drama over the hen..
I jus feel soo stupid and not wanted...
is this what friends are supposed to treat me like??
is it just the pressure making her into sum kind of diva??
even questioning if she reallii is a friend to say and do all this?
im going along with whatevaa she wants, cus i actuallii dont wana
ruin her wedding.. jus wish she'd av bit more respect for me

having read back thru this before posting and actualli remebered just how i was treated, iam actualli beginning to think

 

[Jellybean0k]

The pre-pregnant me would say 'stick it!' but the mard hormonal me just wants to keep everyone happy.

personally, I'd stay with the pre-pregnant you