pregnant friend drinking is making me see red

[lilesMom]

i need to rant to calm down, i know a person she is more a work person than a friend, we hang out in the same group. we had a work bday party the other nt and she was knocking back beer, she had as much or more than everyone there. it made me so mad, would u give a new born alcohol, its same bloody thing. it wasnt a one off she does it all the time,
she knows i had mmc and pretty soon after i went back to work she told me she was expecting ,that was fine, was lovely of her, she pulled me aside and told me cos she didnt want me to hear else where and be hurt, she is a nice person so i just dont get it.
a few days after she told me she was on about a party she was goin to and how she was gonna stick to 'only wine so it would be fine' arrggghhhh!

i know it is none of my business really but its horrible to see.
i would love to say it but i know it would do no good at all and would only cause an agrument but her poor baby is suffering, it can have long reaching effects on him/her. its not like 40 weeks is even that long
ok sorry rant slowing down. i just needed to get it out there

 

[Bubsta]

That's really sad isn't it. Does she have a drinking problem? I'm trying to figure out why anyone would risk getting blind drunk unless they had an addiction to alcohol. Is she young? Maybe doesnt see it as serious? I had the same scenario when I was pregnant with my DD... Went out for a group dinner and there was a partner of a friend who was doing the same. Drinking lots of wine and smoking... Just so sad. Just about bit my tongue off so I didn't say anything! (Mind you I think another diner did and she didn't care)

 

[lilesMom]

it is horrible , her poor baby. she is young ish but not so much she shouldnt have more sense, she is in her 20s. i think she is 24 ish its yucky to see. i was itching to say it but i know it would have done absolutely no good . x
thansk hon, i was so mad i had to let it out some where ha ha

 

[lilesMom]

just noticed we r exact same amount preg

 

[Bubsta]

Come and join the June gals! A great bunch over there and you'll fit right in! X

 

[lilesMom]

il look for it now thanks, hon. im afraid of joining too many before my scan next week, im hoping that will give me reassurance that this is for real this time thanks hon xxxxxxxx

 

[Tournesol]

Ooh, that would make me angry too.

I kind of have the same situation with a friend actually. She told me she was 12w when I miscarried at 5 1/2w. She said it nicely via email as she didn't want to upset me.
She's now about 24w I think and apparently she's drinking (not a lot, but still!) and smoking, which makes me really mad! She smoked all through her 1st pregnancy then quit when her daughter was about 1, then started up again before she got pregnant with this one. What's that all about? She gave up before, she should do it again!
I was a smoker, I gave up when I found out I was pregnant, then when I MC'd I smoked my way through a fair few packets. But I gave up again and I haven't touched one since then. I even make my OH smoke outside (until I convince him to give up too)
Grrr

 

[lilesMom]

i know hon, my OH voluntarily smokes outside, but if he didnt id make him haha
its awful to see when we would do anything to have our babies xxxxxxxxxx
i work in a hosp adn i see loads of moms out there with huge bumps smoking outside the front door, it just looks awfull. poor babies. its proven to be bad so i dont get how these people justify it to themselves.

 

[Bubsta]

Smoking is so hard to give up. I should know, I felt guilty every time I lit up knowing my DD needs her mum around and I shouldn't be smoking. I tried so many times and just couldn't quit. Having said that, I gave up smoking the very next day after getting my BFP. Something in my brain just said, nup, I can't do this. I know it's hard, but if you can't do it by yourself, then go see your doctor and see what they can recommend to help you. Try hypnosis... Do whatever it takes to stop. I wish anyone trying to quit, the best of luck and lots of positive 'you can do it!' Xx

 

[Tournesol]

lilesmom, I totally agree, there's nothing uglier than a pregnant woman smoking. I just find it disgusting and selfish.

Bubsta, I was exactly the same, tried to give up so many times before, almost succeeded a few times but I always went back to it. Then I got my BFP and I thought "nope! I do not need this"
The first week was hell, but I got there and I'm now 10 weeks smoke free!

Don't get me wrong, I'm not a reformed smoker, preaching to the world about how bad it is, people can do what they want as far as I'm concerned. I just think it's totally wrong to force smoking on your unborn child.

 

[lilesMom]

bubsta i smoked for 8 yrs i know its really hard but it is doable and they have the best reason in the world to do so well done on quitting , it is tough xxxxxxx
i dont miss htem at all now , i gave up 10 yrs ago ( i started smoking at 14 ) and i dont know why i ever smoked now
what age is ur daughter honey ?

tournesol ,well done on giving up too sweetie, thats great
it gets easier and easier as time goes on xxxx
soon u wont have any moments that u ever miss um x

 

[Bubsta]

Thanks girls, yep, it was hard after I had my MC to not take them back up again, but I knew how hard it was to give up in the past and I wasn't prepared to go through that again. (I smoked for probably 12+ years and gave up back in 2004) So this time around, it's been maybe 4months now, and there are times when I think one would be nice, and then I think how disgusting it would taste after this long off them. Wouldn't go back. I only started again when my DD was about 2 (she is 4 and a half now) because DH started again. He has also quit. I'm too old to do such damage to my body now (37).

Good on us all for quitting and staying that way. Xx

 

[lilesMom]

its never a good age to damage ourselves, we were just silly and ur not old sweetie, if still in ur 30s is old then what we be like at 60 and 70, ha ha only messing but ur not old xxxxxxx im 32 by the way. when i was 17 i would have considered 32 old but not anymore, loads o life left in me yet ( i hope ) ha ha

 

[Bubsta]

Lol, very true LilesMom, we shouldn't damage our bodies at any age. I guess your right, maybe 37 isn't that old... I just feel old sometimes, as I guess we all do from time to time. Xx

 

[lilesMom]

espeacially when i went out and forgot it was student nt a while back, they all looked about 12 ha ha xxxxx

 

[Tournesol]

Well done girls for staying off the fags!

I also started age 14, smoked for 10 years, at age 24 I gave up, lasted 2 years but put on LOADS of weight. Then I started up again, lost the weight, felt better about myself but so unhealthy with the smoking.
Now I'm 30 and have the best reason in the world for staying smoke free!

Our bodies are temples, especially now that we have little lives growing inside them.

Oh and 30 is the new 20! We are definitely not old! xx

 

[Bubsta]

Well done Tournesol for giving them up! Evil things aren't they. I like your way of thinking.... 30 is the new 20.... That means I'm only 27... That sounds pretty good to me! Lol. Xxx

 

[baileybubs]

Weel done ladies for all quitting smoking! I am the same, smoked for ten years then got pg and quit immediately, I did then smoke about after my mc in an "I'm pissed off at the world" kinda way but then quit again coz I was ttc. I know its hard to quit smoking (and believe me I try so hard to get my df to quit but he says its too hard!!) but I found having a little baby in your tummy is THE best motivation to quit, I thought to myself that if that isnt reason enough not to smoke then what the hell is??
And as for drinking, I know friends and family of mine are always saying to me that one wont do any harm but I just cant (I never feel like it anyway coz I'm always so thirsty Id rather have a soft drink or water!). I dont understand how people can get wasted when pregnant? As if you dont feel tired/unwell enough already without adding alcohol to the equation, I even panic about my caffeine consumption!
Its strange how differently people think about these things isnt it?
I have a workmate who had a mc, then got pg again and smoked through her pregnancy.....now I am paranoid about everything so I just dont know how she did that, maybe she just stopped worrying after 1st tri or something!

Anyway just wanted to say hi to all you like-minded ladies! Always good to know there are other people who share your views!

 

[lilesMom]

bubsta, i overlooked where u answered me about ur DD. soz. 4.5 is a lovely age, bet she is a cute little thing they can be so funny at that age. i have 37 nieces and nephews and 3 gran nephews so we have a broad age range of kiddies in the family, they r so amusing
hi baileybubs, i remember ur name u r so right, its exhausting enough as it is.
my work person was even complaining to people at work the next day that the hangover was kicking in, just as well im out of work at the mo, i would have def had to say something if she said that to me. i normally hate people who judge people but this is one area i cant help judging their choice. cos its not just their choice, they r choosing for bub too.
tournesol, i put on loads of weight when i gave up too, i lost it 3 times and gained it 3 times. doh!!!! for now im being as healthy as my sickiness will allow (sometimes i can only eat specific things) and walking everyday, but i wont really try to lose it till after cos im not allowed take up anything now anyway. after 12 weeks il hopefully take up preg yoga and swiming and maybe start light dancing again. i love dancing, its the best exercise

 

[Tournesol]

37 nieces and nephews?! Wow! Christmas must be tough

I'm the same, trying to healthy, but I'm so sick at the moment I'm struggling to keep anything down. Not fun.