Preparing for the worst, need to ask

[AlwaysPraying]

For the ladies that are aware, I may need to go a mid - late 2nd trimester "end".

I'm wondering about the process. It seems to me a lot of women have "birthed" their babies in the second trimester. Mind you I'm in Canada, so I'm not sure if that has anything to do with the differences in processes. They are saying if I have to do it that it will be either a D&C or a D&E before 20 weeks. After 20 weeks I would have to be induced to labour "naturally". However, I'm finding that a lot of women have a lot of blood loss, what I'm learning, is due to the early labour that is unnatural and the body hangs on to the placenta. With the D&C OR E they go in and take everything out, so less bleeding and less chance of complications that way. It is much more invasive though. They do say natural labour is just that, more natural on the body as the body knows what to do.

I'm just confused as to what the best process is. And for those who laboured in 2nd tri, how did that come to be? Did you have a choice of procedure? Were you already miscarrying and they let it continue? I'm in a sort of different place as my baby is still alive but with a lethal abnormality, so the "ending" process wouldn't be started yet.

I know this is terribly sensitive and I'm asking a lot of personal questions, I'm sorry for that. Thank you for whatever advice you can come back with.

 

[Las78]

Hey hun,

I am so sorry, I can't imagine how very difficult this must be for you and I have everything crossed that a miracle may happen.

From my own experience - I lost my son at 17+5, I'd been bleeding from 10weeks and they couldn't really find anything wrong other than blood collected under the womb. Anyway to answer your questions - I gave birth to baby naturally, there was a lot of blood loss and then baby. I had to have a D&C to remove the placenta as that wouldn't budge naturally although they tried. D&C would have been my first choice by the Dr's wanted it to be as natural as possible so left me for a few hours and after nothing happened they gave me an injection and still nothing so I went in for the D&C. I think if it were to happen again which I so hope doesn't then I would go natural but take the D&C option for Placenta straight away if it didn't happen naturally, I wouldn't wait for hours like I did again, at the point I just needed the closure.

Sending you big hugs and thinking of you. Feel free to PM if you need to chat x

 

[borntobeamum]

Firstly sorry that you are having to go through this.

I delivered my angel at around 18 weeks, (severe problems, meant she would not live longer and had to make a tough decision), I didnt really get a choice, as it was seen the safest decision and also it meant that she could get a post mortem after birth to determine all the defects.

Personally although it was the hardest thing ever, I am glad I gave birth and was able to hold and cuddle her, although she was tiny she was still my baby.

If you need to chat over anything PM me, I did bleed alot and retained the placenta, (dont like to put TMI info on here as dont want to scare anyone).

Here anything if you need to talk

sending thoughts to you and baba.....

xxx

 

[babytots]

hi hun i worried too about blood loss when i was told i would have to give birth to jessica but i needn't have worried as when it came to pushing the placenta out i didnt have any problems. 3 weeks on bleeding has stopped which isnt a long time when you've had a baby some women can bleed longer.

with my d+c i didnt bleed for as long maybe just over a week i think.

like someone said though giving birth naturally and being to hold my baby was the most precious time in my life and if it were to happen again to me (god forbid it doesnt) i would chose to give birth over the d+c purely for that reason so i can see my baby and have her recognised by other people rather then just a name. my first 2 angels have been forgotten about by most family and friends but jessica wont if that makes sense?

more coming your way hun keep posting with any questions i cant imagine how difficult this must be for you! x

 

[rachjim98]

It is a very tough time for you and I am sorry that you are going through this.

I personally was not given a option the Dr. told me I would have to be induced. TBH I do not think I would of chose the D&C anyway.
We were 19+5 wks when we found out our daughter Rebecca had no heartbeat. I was induced the next day November 19, 2008. I labored for about 7 hours before she decided to show her tiny sleeping self. She was 9 inches long and almost 6 oz's (Tiny but perfect). That was the hardest thing I ever had to do was let her go. My body did not deliver the placenta naturally so I did have to have a D&C 2 hours later. Sorry if TMI..
I bleed after all was said and done for almost 3 weeks after the delivery.
We later found out it was genetic defects, she was a very sick little girl.

I am just so sorry that you are faced with such a heartbreaking decision and I am hoping and praying that everything works itself out and your sweet baby will be ok.

If you would like to chat or want to ask me something feel free to PM me I will help anyway I can.

 

[NickyT75]

im so sorry you are having to go through this hunni

its more likely that you will be induced but it is possible that you may need a D&C if your placenta doesnt deliver naturally

I gave birth to Sophie & am also glad I got to see her & hold her but then had to go to theater for the placenta to be removed (I suffered complications but dont want to scare you by posting here - if you want more details you can PM me)

im really sorry if this sounds insensitive but id advise you to take lots of pictures of your baby asap after the birth as this is my biggest regret

I didnt get to spend much time with her due to being in theater & was so much in shock that I didnt think to get photos of me holding her & it breaks my heart that I dont have any

again im so sorry you are having to go through this heart breaking time xxx

 

[AlwaysPraying]

I'm overwhelmed by the response, thank you all. It's so tragic what we have to go through isn't it?

I feel terrible saying this, but I need to get it off my chest. I don't know if I could bear seeing my baby. Right now as it is I ask not to see the ultrasounds. I love my baby so much as you could imagine, but I don't know if seeing it would help. I feel like a bad mom saying that. Partly though, I think it's because my baby is physically different. It has an extremely large bladder. Upon "birth" it could look severely distended and I don't know if I could handle seeing such a sick little one. Right now, it makes me cry thinking if it's in pain right now.

So, with that, part of me doesn't want to go through the birth. I've also never had a baby before and I worry that I could gravely affect my view on labour. It's supposed to be a special and wonderful time, but it would be so terrible this way. I don't want to have that on me for the next time, if that makes sense.

I do understand I may not have a choice and will go through anything that is needed. If I can also ask. Is going through labour and then having the D&C a terrible experience? I didn't realize they could or would do that, I thought it was one or the other. It all just seems so violent and upsetting, I don't know what to think.

 

[roadrunner]

I am so very, very sorry you are facing all of this. From my own experiences, I have had d&c's and while the "experience" is over more quickly there is nothing/nobody to hold. My loss at 19 weeks was horrible, of course, but I am so thankful for the opportunity to have been able to see and hold my little girl. Coming from the medical side of it...with a d&c or a d&e procedure, you will not be able to see your baby even if you wanted to. I can't seem to find a gentle way to describe the procedures, so I won't here. If you should deliver after induction, you would then have the opprtunity to decide if you want/need to see your baby. If you should need a d&c afterwards for bleeding or retained placenta it can easily be done. That is way we prefer to go with our patients.

 

[borntobeamum]

If you do decide (if you are given a choice - which you may not be), to deliver your baby, if it comes to that. Then take the midwifes advice on seeing your baby, they go through this more than we like to think and will be able to guide you if seeing your baby would be more distressing.

When Gillian was in me, she had a large cyst on her neck, which did make me worry about seeing her, but I could see past that, and am so glad that I seen her and held her.

The midwifes that I had were great, and took pictures of Gillian for me, to keep, if I had not wanted to see her in person, I could have just seen the pics of they could have placed them in my file, which would be kept there for if I ever wanted to see them.

It is entirely your decision. With regards to the Medical side of things. Please remember that the docs can give you LOTS of medication to help the pain and also "knock" you out a bit, as sadly they do not have to worry the same as they would with a general delivery, therefore you are "out of it" a bit, which really helps.

Sending hugs, I know that there are alot of thoughts, worries, concerns and fear that is going through your mind right now, and you probably feel confused, so any questions or concerns - just ask, we wont be offended as many of us have also felt the same....

xxxxxxxxx

 

[babytots]

I'm overwhelmed by the response, thank you all. It's so tragic what we have to go through isn't it?

I feel terrible saying this, but I need to get it off my chest. I don't know if I could bear seeing my baby. Right now as it is I ask not to see the ultrasounds. I love my baby so much as you could imagine, but I don't know if seeing it would help. I feel like a bad mom saying that. Partly though, I think it's because my baby is physically different. It has an extremely large bladder. Upon "birth" it could look severely distended and I don't know if I could handle seeing such a sick little one. Right now, it makes me cry thinking if it's in pain right now.

So, with that, part of me doesn't want to go through the birth. I've also never had a baby before and I worry that I could gravely affect my view on labour. It's supposed to be a special and wonderful time, but it would be so terrible this way. I don't want to have that on me for the next time, if that makes sense.

I do understand I may not have a choice and will go through anything that is needed. If I can also ask. Is going through labour and then having the D&C a terrible experience? I didn't realize they could or would do that, I thought it was one or the other. It all just seems so violent and upsetting, I don't know what to think.

oh hunni its only normal to feel like this. i was so scared of meeting jessica and a kind lady who had lost her daughter around the same gestation as me emailed me offering to show me pics of her beautiful daughter. it really prepared me to know how jessica might of looked and what size she would be.i dont know if this would help you or not but if you think it might i dont mind sharing pics of jessica as shes now on my gone too soon page for everyone to see.

even so when i had jessica i was still too scared to meet her. when i gave birth and she was out i cuddled into df while they took her in another room to wrap her up and get footprints.

they told me she had fluid on her brain and i really was unsure whether i wanted to see her or not. so they took a couple of photos first and gave me plenty of time to decide to if i wanted to see them or not. in the end i knew i would regret not seeing her so they gave me the photos. i admit when i first saw them i gasped in shock but that shock quickly turned into so much love for her. yes she was very poorly you could clearly see but she was perfect so so beautiful! when i look at her photos all i see is beauty i dont see her poorly swollen face and neck (the fluid in her brain had slowly spread to her face) all i see is just her gorgeous blue eyes and perfectly formed features. i love her so so much she is my special little girl.

i can understand you not wanting to go through labour as its your first its a very scary prospect in ways i found it so hard as i knew what was coming i knew what pain i would be going through. when it came to it it was nowhere near as painful as when i had my daughters it was the emotional pain that ripped through me.

i really wish you werent having to go through this hunni and having to make such a hard descion i hope in time you know in your heart what you want to do and whatever that is hun its the right desicion for not only you but for your baby too .

anyways such a long post and i have tears in my eyes writing this but if ever need to talk just pm me hunni. x

 

[Tilly]

No advice, but im so sorry to hear about this..