Pressure from family to stop BFing?

[mrsswaffer]

Has anyone else experienced this? My son is 4 months old, and I've been praised for breastfeeding by all the health professionals, who all suggest I carry on exclusively until at least 6 months old, which is fine (though I plan on introducing food at 5 months, because I'm due back at work in September - I would go for longer if I was able to, and I intend on feeding my son in the evenings/early mornings up until he's a year old).

However, numerous members of my family have dropped hints about me getting him off the breast and onto the bottle. My (81 year old) nan has said, "The sooner he's off the breast, the better." because she was unable to feed my dad.

My FIL keeps asking me when he's going onto the bottle - I think he means expressing so that he and my MIL can look after Harrison while me as DH go out for the evening. But my MIL keeps saying I've done well up until now if I wanted to stop, and that she only fed my BIL for 5 weeks.

Even my DH has suggested we get Harry off the breast and onto formula, because I have suffered with recurrent mastitis.

My point is, no matter the actual truth of it, I am feeling pressure from my family to give up with the breast and put Harry on formula. I feel like they all have their selfish reasons for this (MIL and FIL to babysit, and DH for possession of my boobs!), and that they in turn consider me selfish because I continue to breast feed. It is getting me down. I know I can do as I please, but it's hard when everyone around me keep dropping hints about stopping.

Has anyone else experienced this? I feel an atmosphere whenever the subject arises.

 

[CelticStar]

I had a very similar experience to this from one of my sisters when my daughter was only 3 months old, she told me that I should stop bf'ing so that I "could go out and have a life" Needless to say, I ignored her and we're now at 13 months with no end in sight

It's far from being selfish to carry on bf'ing, you're giving your baby the best start in life and if you were being truly selfish then you'd have quit when mastitis started affecting you!

You do what YOU feel is best for you and your lo, you're doing amazing!

 

[LegoHouse]

You keep breastfeeding until you are ready to stop. It's only you and your son who have to deal with the emotional trauma of weaning. You have to be ready for it.

 

[Jary]

It's your decision! You want to bf him and it works for both of you so keep going. If you are going back to work you could alway express. It doesn't mean you have to quit

 

[bunnyg82]

Oh my God, it's them that's selfish, not you! It really pees me off that there's so much encouragement (and some would suggest pressure) to breast feed, it seems that as soon as you've started, people want you to stop!

Is it worth having a word with your OH? Explain how much pressure you're feeling and that you don't want to stop and would appreciate his support, especially when it comes to your families. Support is so important and at the very least you should expect it from your OH.

Perhaps if it comes up again you can just be strong and say you don't want to discuss it again, you will breast feed for as long as you decide and would appreciate their support. Would be even better if your OH could say the above to them!

Be strong and proud of yourself! X

 

[buzzy]

I had the opposite problem. When my DD was born I didn't have enough milk to BF exclusively so had to alternate with formula. I did 5 months and then gave up.
My mom and sister gave me such a hard time saying not to give the formula as my milk would increase but it didn't and Indiana was dropping weight plus she was hungry.
My sister has 4 kids and breast fed them all til about 15 months but she's a homemaker.
She followed in my mum's footsteps exactly - # of kids, # of months breast feeding, age gap between all 4 kids and homemaker. Somewhat freaky!

Anyway why do family feel that they have the right to an opinion in such matters? If you want to BF for longer then do so - it's your decision and only yours xxx

 

[Care76]

I am sorry you are going through this. I have had pressure from some of my family as well. They don't say much anymore as I pretty much set them straight. I know in my case it was because they were concerned for me as we had a lot of pain and supply issues for the first 4-5 months, but it still bothered me.

I would explain to your family that you want to continue to BF until a year and you have no plans to stop. Maybe that will shut them up. As for your DH,I would have a nice long chat with him. He would want the best for your baby and as long as BF is what you want, he should be supportive.

 

[mrsswaffer]

Thank you girls. Even as I sit here now in my parents-in-law's lounge, since posting this thread, they started a conversation about weaning and starting to replace Harry's evening feed with formula to help him sleep through the night. I told them I'm happy to feed him through the night anyway, but they say they're concerned because I'm so tired. Sigh. I am tired, but I don't expect him to sttn at all - he may never get there until he's properly weaned, but it doesn't affect anyone else but me.

I just don't think they get it at all. It's not a chore for me - I love feeding my boy.

 

[LegoHouse]

To be honest, he probably won't even get there when he is weaned. Not many children sleep well that I know x

 

[Celesse]

I got the same from inlaws. Hints from MIL ect.

At around 9 months she suggest I wean DD ready for when I went back to work. I told her (this is word for word) "No, that's not going to happen. I will carry on feeding until she self weans". She never questioned my parenting again once I told her outright.

Next time they say something tell them outright that no, your plans are different. I think a lot of the time we to to be polite to family rather than telling them outright to stfu!

 

[charlie15]

Sorry you are getting this pressure. I have never experience this as all on both side of the family are very pro breast feeding.

I agree with Celese, be very straight but polite with them. It's your decision and yes try to explain what you want to do to your DH too, to get his support.

I really don't get why people think a mothers choice to breast feed or not is their business!

 

[pippi_89]

I really cannot believe anyone would say such things!!! I'm so sorry for you. You're being the opposite of selfish! Breastfeeding is the best possible start for a baby! And such a bonding experience. I agree you do need to politely put everyone straight. Your child, your decision.

 

[hello_kitty]

The closest thing I experienced was my god mom saying that I should get ready to supplement formula since I wont be producing enough milk in the long run. Other than that most of my friends, including my sister told me that breastfood is only good for the first 2 weeks pp, after that its better to formula feed...I honestly dont know where they got their facts. I am happy to breastfeed though. My baby hasnt been sick at all and I believe that has to do with me breastfeeding. Keep up the good work! I intend to bf mine until he is a year old.

 

[lunawaffles]

Wow, I literally have had the opposite situation with my family. Everyone kept saying that formula was terrible, and even though my milk didn't even come in til 5 days after my baby boy was born which lead me to give him a few bottles between BFing, my grandmother said things like "well, babies aren't even hungry at first anyway". But she said it in a snide way. And I'm certain babies need some nourishment before 5 DAYS has passed -.- Just shut everyone out. You're not selfish, it's YOUR child, and YOU get to make the decisions about these things. Everyone else, ESPECIALLY in-laws, will just have to live with your decisions. Don't feel bad!

 

[mrsswaffer]

Thank you.

Rant alert!!

It's the in-laws that keep going on about it. I'm going to talk to DH about it when we're home later. They're his parents, and I have already had a word with him about his mum interfering - a similar matter to this, though more general. All of my parental decisions (including when to start solids) were compared with what she did with her sons nearly 30 years ago. I can hear her still - "How times have changed! My boys started solids at 11 weeks!"

She asked me AGAIN yesterday why the guidelines now advise no solids until 6 months. I kept telling her it's because research has been done (I think it's to do with Baby's digestive system?) concluding that it's what's best. Again, she came back with the old 'in my day' comment. I just said that a lot of research has been done in the last 30 years.

The thing is - if I wasn't going back to work in September, I'd happily carry on exclusively breastfeeding until at least 6 months and would never give formula, because I'd always be there. However, with Harry going into nursery two days a week from 9th September, and me being back to work 30 hours a week, I don't want the hassle of expressing (especially at work), since time as a family will be limited anyway.

Everyone (it's mainly the in-laws) seems to think breastfeeding is a massive draining chore, especially at night (why? I don't have to do much during the day... yet!), and they don't get that it's what's best for Harrison.

I know they're desperate to babysit one evening, and that going out with DH just the two of us will be good for us, but there will be plenty of time for all of that when he is on solids. What is the rush now? I know they are desperate to be the first babysitters to have him alone.

I'm not ready anyway (and with the constant pestering from them, I may never be ready!) - plus, when I went out for the evening with friends and left Harry with DH, my boobs knew about it! My fun evening out turned uncomfortable and embarrassing when I became engorged.

Sigh. I know I'm going on and on about it, but it upsets me. I'm a first time mum as it is - I don't know the rules, and MIL seems to think she does because she had two boys 28 years ago. And my DH doesn't see that his parents keep sticking their two pennies' worth in. I bet later, when I bring it up, he will be oblivious.

 

[TheNewMrs]

It sounds like you are not ready to stop!
I found saying things like "Well, I'm sure you want baby to be the happiest, healthiest baby he can be and that's why I have no intention of stopping anytime soon."

When that didn't work I just got real sarcastic and said things like "Well I'll stop when her husband asks me to and not until then, so you can stop asking me "when" until you get her wedding invitation!"- With a BIG smile and that usally shut them up!

Seriously..... You'd think they were getting commission from formula companies.

 

[smileyfaces]

xxx

 

[mrsswaffer]

TheNewMrs, I'm not going to stop altogether until he's a year old anyway, but it's like they think exclusively breastfeeding until 6 months is too long! What's all that about?!

 

[OmiOmen]

I have had some pressure to stop. With my first son it was from family and friends to stop after around the 6 month mark and people became a lot more vocal as each month past after that. I was aiming for 2 years but got to 21 months. This time I have had midwives the first few days saying I should switch to formula because I was tiered and my body had gone through so much during the delivery. The answer is to be confident in your decision. When I needed a scan a week or so ago that would mean stopping BF'ing due to the dye they use but I demanded another option (which thankfully I knew about due to a urologist consultant explaining it to me before that point) and although they were not happy about it they sorted it. With 'extended feeding' with DS1 I choices to ignore the smaller comments and get a little more assertive with the ones trying to bully me into stopping. I have found explaining research to people leaves them with little to say.

Be confident in your decision and don't let anyone bully you or make you feel bad. Don't feel bad for getting assertive in your reply either! They are trying to guilt you into stopping so don't feel bad about defending your choice.

 

[charlie15]

sounds to me like you need a bit of space from them so that you can enjoy your son.

Hope your hubby listens to you and maybe has a quiet word with them.