Question for Those TTC. Regarding Pregnancy Announcements.

[laura11111]

I've read a few threads about how people (who are TTC) are feeling jealous of others' pregnancies. I GET IT! Been there too!

Just wondering what you would prefer they do?

I have a friend who has been TTC for a very long time and went through tons of testing, this past summer. She is considering IVF.

I'm 11 weeks into an unplanned pregnancy. Although it's early, I've pretty much told everyone, but her and that group of friends. I didn't tell them on purpose so as not to hurt her feelings. Not sure if I'm doing the right thing. I'm eventually going to start showing.

How shall I tell her and when?

Thanks

 

[tcinks]

I'm not TTC, recently found out I'm pregnant. But this is my 4th pregnancy in 2 years, with no living children. When I first got pregnant, most of my friends hadn't started trying yet. Now, I'm almost the only one left without a baby. So my friends were obviously sad for me and not wanting to upset me with pregnancy announcements. Typically they would take me aside and tell me individually before they announced publicly so I had time to deal with my emotions.

I would say let your friend know that you understand it's hard for her, but you care about her and want her to know your happy news. She might be sad for herself, but I'm sure she'll be happy for you too. Personally, I wouldn't wait too much longer to tell her, as she might begin to feel upset that she's the last to know and like she's the last to know. Again, I can only tell you my opinion, every woman will react differently. I will say that when my sister got pregnant unplanned, I didn't find out until 10 weeks and was pretty hurt. I understand why they didn't tell me right away, they were trying not to upset me....but my sister and I are really close and I would have liked to have been there for her. Everyone in the family knew except me. :/

Basically, it won't be easy for her to hear either way...but it's so nice that you are thinking of her feelings and trying to tell her in a gentle way.

 

[Talia12]

Dammit, lost my reply, sorry.
I basically just said that unfortunately this will hurt her and you can't stop that, but I would recommend telling her by text/email so that you can't see or hear her and she doesn't feel that she has to put on a brave face and act happy for you when really she is struggling not to break down in tears or say something biting to you she might regret. I'd tell her that you don't need a response, that you're thinking of her and you'll speak to her soon.
Then just give her time, she might seem to hate you but she will come round but she will probably feel very jealous and resentful for a while. It'll be okay, you can't help these things. We all sometimes feel hurt.

Congratulations on your baby

 

[sarah2211]

I would definitely message her/text her. Saying it to her face is probably the most courageous, but it allows her time and space to get angry and cry. I'd tell her that you've been thinking about the best way to tell her and know there isn't going to be an easy way but that you didn't want her to hear from someone else. Also if it was me I'd tell her that you're giving her the time and space and don't expect her to be excited for you or to reply straight away. Let her know you're thinking of her and her partner, don't say things like 'it'll happen for you soon' or 'it'll be your turn next'. The world of fertility treatment is hard and there are no certainties. Please don't use the word 'unplanned' when you tell her. Don't mention whether you were trying or not. For those of us who can't get pregnant on our own, hearing about others who can fall pregnant accidentally is hard.

You're being a great friend being considerate of her feelings.

 

[laura11111]

Thanks for your replies. Great advice. So sorry for your losses, Tcinks

 

[MrsMcCurdy]

What tcinks said exactly.

 

[Dream.dream]

Id prefer to be told not in person and before hand if you know theyve been trying unsuccessfully. It was personally really hard for me to have close friends of mine post announcements on facebook that caught me off guard at bad times.