Question for those with teenagers over 16!!

[Pink_Witch]

i was wondering among other things -do you make up a packed lunch for your 16+ or do they make their own/take money etc

Our 16 year old (17 in may) seems to prefer being treated like her younger brothers and sisters instead of being treated like a young adult and its driving hubby and i nuts!! and nothing we say to her seems to make a bit of difference!!.

This morning for example she was leaning against the wall in the front room coat and shoes on,bag over her shoulder ready for college at 8.20-so hubby said to her-'why dont you go?' "i havent got to be there til 9.10" was her reply,so he said 'well how long does it take you?'......."half hour" she said........so hubby said to her about going instead of leaning against the wall waiting for us to tell her to go- go in the rec and have drink or something if you get there and its a bit early......"ok, thank you" she said......thank you WTF???!!!

She rarely eats breakfast off her own back...but if she sees her younger brothers and sisters (10,9,6) have cereal shell ask for it, but otherwise she doesnt bother.

We have been saying to her for a year about getting herself a little part time job, but unless you actually take her over town and point out job ads in the shop window,and tell her to go and ask she just doesnt bother!! I know its hard to get a job-but its even harder to find one if you just arent bothering to look for one-they wont come knocking on the front door for you with a job offer!!

By the time i was her age i had a part time job all day saturday and sunday and was earning my own money as well as doing a full time catering course!! (not 9 til 3 ,3 days a week and 2 days placement like she does!!) mine was 9-5, 4 days a week and the other day was either a 7am start or a 10pm finish!!

Instead of looking for a job during the summer holidays she was happier to go off to the playscheme with the other kids........sorry but for me if i had been the only 16 year old there on the 1st day i wouldnt have gone again but it didnt seem to bother her one bit, that all the other kids her age were either working or out with their mates!!

At night we say to the little ones about 7.30-8pm come on its bed time.......the 15 year old makes it look to the little ones like he is getting ready to go up, but doesnt and he plays on the xbox with his dad til about 9-10 but she trots off quite happily to bed with the little ones!!

She has eczema for which she has cream etc for it-but unless you tell her to put it on she doesnt bother, she only showers if she is told,brushes her teeth if she is told etc. I dont even have to tell the little ones what to do all the time!!

We saw her best friend in the shopping centre the other day,she is 3 months younger than dd is and we didnt recognise her-she has a job as a full time travel agent apprentice and she looked so smart and grown up its only because she spoke to us first that we knew it was her!!

I really dont know why she is like this-i know i certanly wasnt as immature as she is at that age, and it is really driving us nuts-she will only do something if you tell her to do it and even then you have to give her step by step precise instructions otherwise it doesnt get done right...........her 15 year old brother is the total opposite of her you can tell him something once and it will get done right 1st time-which is a major acheivement as he is dyspraxic, so he has had to work harder than she ever has to get where he is today!!!

Out of all the kids she is the one you have to baby the most and its getting to be a right pain in the a$$ !!!!!

we have tried asking her if there is anything wrong, is she unhappy etc etc, even my best friend has tried talking to her-but she insists everything is ok

are anyone elses 16+'s like this???

goodness me this turned into quite an essay...give yourself a shiney if you got this far xxx

 

[Mummy&bump]

sorry hun i jus didnt wanna read in run! im only havin baby no1 jus now n 21 myself!

maybe its just an age thing and shel grow out of it, may also be with another baby on the way because shes the oldest maybe she feels if she doesnt do all the grown up things shel get more attention i really dont kno! us females are stuborn at times, but maybe by helping her get a job i.e taken her like u have been itl help her realise shel hav her own money etc

hope u get things sorted

xxx

 

[tasha41]

Is this behaviour new or has she always been this way?

If it's new.. maybe it's a phase of some sort?
If she's always been this way.. maybe she is just immature for her age.

Perhaps more responsibility at home would help her? Honestly my mom does a lot for me and it's made me a bit "lazy".. if you do things for them, they'll never just wake up one day and decide they'd like to do it on their own. As for the personal hygeine.. I think a lot 11-13 year olds go through that sort of phase, but I haven't heard of it at 16. At 16 most girls are so consumed by what others think of them and looking good for the boys that I'm surprised she's not obsessive about it rather than kind of not caring at all.

Maybe call up your family doctor and have a chat?

 

[yenerich]

I guess she is trying to get attention. Noit because she does not receive it, but because she is in some age that its difficult.
Having small brothers makes the oldest to act like younger, its something common.
Keep pushing her, but don't get stressed, she is trying to find her own way and for now she feels more secure continuing acting as her small brothers and sisters.

 

[heather91]

Is this behaviour new or has she always been this way?

If it's new.. maybe it's a phase of some sort?
If she's always been this way.. maybe she is just immature for her age.

Perhaps more responsibility at home would help her? Honestly my mom does a lot for me and it's made me a bit "lazy".. if you do things for them, they'll never just wake up one day and decide they'd like to do it on their own. As for the personal hygeine.. I think a lot 11-13 year olds go through that sort of phase, but I haven't heard of it at 16. At 16 most girls are so consumed by what others think of them and looking good for the boys that I'm surprised she's not obsessive about it rather than kind of not caring at all.

Maybe call up your family doctor and have a chat?

Yeah my mom did everything for me and I was sooo lazy with housework and everything. I'm totally different now I have Tiffany though obviously. I don't have a 16 year old but I'm not far off that age myself (feels strange to say that! Tiffany has aged me lol) and I was independent in most ways, except my mom doing all my washing, food, etc. Maybe the best thing would be to bring it up with her? Ask if she'd like more responsibility and explain to her that she's a young adult and should start to be more independent? Just a thought xx

 

[lozzy21]

Has she allways been this way?? If she has it sound like she could be on the very mild end of the autism spectrum scale. I work with adults with autism and some of the things you say i see in some of my clients with asbergers syndrome. If you dont tell her to do someting will she eventualy do it or not at all? If not at all id go have a word with your gp.

 

[lozzy21]

I guess she is trying to get attention. Noit because she does not receive it, but because she is in some age that its difficult.
Having small brothers makes the oldest to act like younger, its something common.
Keep pushing her, but don't get stressed, she is trying to find her own way and for now she feels more secure continuing acting as her small brothers and sisters.

Disagree with you there im the eldest of 5, im 21, bro#1 is 18, bro#2 is 14, sis is 13 and bro#3 is 2 and it had made me more mature than most of my friends. Most other people i know who are the eldest of a few are also more mature because they will have at some point had to look after (as in babysit) or help sort the younger ones out while the parents are at work.

 

[dreamer56]

i dont know if youll value my words here as its coming from a 17 year old - not the mum of one.... but me nor my friends are this way... yes my mum makes my lunch for college but this is auto because she does it for my younger brothers.
butttttt... i go to college mon to fri, half 8 to half 4 and i work two evenings and all day saturday at tesco. it is incredibly tiring and i love days off but love the fact i earn my own money and know ill have my a levels at the end of college.
the most extreme here from my age point of view is the bed time and summer holidays!!
i couldnt give you an explanation for her actions to be honest, but i reckon it will only be a phase. she will probably get bored soon and want more to do xo

 

[maloner]

Probably just a phase. She's at the point where many teenage girls undergo a sort of identity crisis, which could have something to do with what you're experiencing now. Just be patient and keep the lines of communication open and all should be fine in time.

 

[hopeandpray]

Hi i'm 18 and went through a stage like this, i know it sounds strange but teenagers don't like being told to grow up! we want to push the boundaries, doing it when we know our parents want us to gives less satisfaction. it also could be depressions though.. i have friends that had it very badly, they too told their parents that they were ok. it's a difficult thing to talk about. sorry that probably didn't help but it's a teenagers perspective