Question/ long-rant for you parents

[chasemanzmum]

For an adult how old is too old to act like a kid. And not set any limits/boundaries/rules? I myself am 26 and my DH is 35. We are both responsible parents. You know set limits on safe play, bedtimes/naptimes, tv watching,quiet play, loud rough and tumble play outside, and friends say how well behaved they are. And both our 4 year old and 2 year old were taught from the beginning to respect rules and other adults. If not there would be consequences (time out etc). Problem is we have a 41 year old friend, who thinks it is his job in life to have fun all the time with kids (his kids and my own). That is fine, but he sets no limits what so ever and the kids walk all over him. But mine only do when his kids are around cause it turns out to be a case of "monkey see, monkey do" (when they aren't they respect dad and mom's rules). And he and our other friend are always complimenting our kids behavior as well as our parenting style. But his kids are older and set in their ways. He is like I know I have to be a parent and set rules. He knows but he don't act on it. The last time he tried to get away with leaving his son with his mom he got it into his head to put his fist through a window (keep in mind this older kid is 6) and magically he got his way. And his father, which is our friend says "oh my son just has problems". Well the way I see it he doesn't have problems, he just has inconsistant parenting. One parent that acts like a parent and punishes accordingly. And another parent that says they will "back the other parent up" and lets the kids do whatever they want. Due to if I throw a hissy enough I will get my way. I have tried nicely letting him know he needs to be the parent they need not their best friend. Or to give in easily. But it is getting to a point where we live with this friend. And his kids have a tendancy to whine and become violent when they don't get their own way. I mean it has come close several times to one of the kids smacking me during their hissy. And when he does start to go through them he just looks at me helplessly and throws up his hands. And expects me to take over the parenting of his kids. Like feeding/bathing/disciplining them. After awhile I got tired of it and said no, "you made them you deal with them. if you weren't prepared to act like a dad you shouldn't have spread your legs" (crude I know but goodness help me that was the only way I could make him understand). But he still lets them walk all over him, I am just afraid when those kids visit (cause they normally live with their mom and our friend has weekend visitation) one of these days. That they will hurt me or my kids. Or even worse end up in jail before age 18. But how can I help my friend?

 

[JASMAK]

I would just recognize that your friend parents differently, his kids are his responsibility, and your kids behaviour is your responsibilty no matter who is around.