Questional Behavior for a 15 year old

[Thaynes]

So my 15 year old BIL has been doing some really strange things and I thought I would run it by you guys and see what you think.

This kid has been the type that has always been picked on and has really bad people skills. He is also really violent toward people. I mean to the point that he has punched me several times. I wouldn't even go to my IL's when I was pregnant for fear of him cause my LO injury.

Well lately he has been doing some really strange things. He has started making really strange weapons. He has also been mutalating his old toys. Like he ties them to trees and beats the toys or pulls off their arms and legs. I just find it really strange and not normal behavior for a child his age.

I tried talking to OH about it. I think my BIL really needs help. OH just kind of acts like I'm being stupid. I want to talk to my MIL and FIL but I wanted to see what people with more experience in teen behavior thought.

 

[seoj]

Honestly, that sounds like a child that is either acting out for attention or has some really negative energy (due to lack of social skills or being teased) that he is expressing in an unhealthy way. It doesn't sound like "normal" teenage boy behavior that I've ever seen. I'm certainly no expert... but I would also be concerned.

Can some boys be more "aggressive" or destroy things... of course... but within reason- if there is such a thing? It really seems like he has some anger issues... and if it's not controlled sooner than later... it could escalate. You should never be concerned for your own safety because you fear he might hurt you... unintentionally or not.

It's such a tough situation though. I'm assuming his parents know what he is doing? And if they aren't doing anything to help- then I'm not sure what you can do to get through to them? It can be a very touchy thing going to someone and vocalizing you have concerns about their child- regardless of who it is.

If there is ANY way to get through to your OH I would try that first... maybe just be very clear, you don't feel comfortable around his brother at times... and you see behavior that you are concerned about and you understand that he thinks it's just fine- but I would push for him to see what your saying. Hopefully, he'll come around and be the one to talk to his parents... I'm sure it would be easier for them to be open to his concerns.

I wish I had better advise hun... maybe do some research on line first before talking to OH so you can back up what your saying? Best of luck!!!!

 

[Surprise]

Oh dear that sounds quite serious. Pathological. He seems to have either some terrible anger issues or else cruelty issues. It's awfully sad to see someone who doesn't seem to fit in with society, and is picked on and bullied like that. Breaks my heart. And then you see these types of behaviour and wonder which came first? Does he not fit in because he's angry/cruel? Or is he angry/cruel because he doesn't fit in? And being bullied only exacerbates the problem.

Anyway, the boy needs help ASAP. Those behaviours are anti-social and to be honest I'm surprised he hasn't already been in big trouble. He's going to hurt someone badly and possibly end up in a bad place himself. Do his parents think there's a problem? They really need to get him to a psychiatrist post haste.

 

[Thaynes]

When ever they do notice the things he does they don't really seem to want to believe that there is something wrong with him. They just make excuses for him. The whole family does that.

 

[mummy3]

I agree with surprise. This young man is obviously not behaving normally, it is very sad he is being bullied and that obviously needs addressed but long before 15 he should have realised his behaviour is not acceptable or appropriate.

The fact he doesn't understand or heaven forbid understands but doesn't care suggests he urgently needs to be assessed by a mental health professional. Carrying on ignoring the problem will end up with him bullied even more or at worst as above with him hurting himself or others. Please press on your IL's to get him help while he is still a child.

 

[tjw]

They are in denial hon. There is a social stigma attached to psychological issues of a pathalogical nature and no one wants to believe that a member of their family is inflicted with these problems. However, this boy has already proven to be a danger to others and his current behaviour indicates that it is about to escalate. This needs intervention now. In the UK we have a company called Childline that you can call anonymously for help for someone you think is in need. Is there something similar where you live? As the family are not willing to accept there is a problem, I would contact someone to intervene and help him before it's too late. For someone that is agressive, the current torturing of toys could be a lead up to the next step of torturing a person... Often when this is happening, the person already has an idea of who they are torturing while carrying out the act on inanimate objects and then sometimes on small animals.

Sorry I couldn't be more positive.

My own experience of living with someone with anger issues is that it escalates very quickly. I myself ended up with brain damage and epilepsy due to no one else being willing to see the problem before it escelated.

 

[Thaynes]

I'm sorry to hear about you past issues with this. I honestly know there is something wrong with him. My SIL does believe he is in need of help also. She is going to talk to the school therapist. If that doesn't work, FIL is just going to have to deal with me bugging him. I'm trying to get OH on my side but its been kind of hard. I know that if I really have to CPS is an option. He just seems so dangerous. We got mad at a cousin for playing his game so BIL scratched it with a knife just to be mean. I just don't want my IL's to be mad at me.

 

[tjw]

Good luck hon x

 

[muyenp]

this sounds like a really serious issue, and one that you can't just brush off and ignore. I'm no child therapist so I don't have the right answers, but you definitely want to consult with a child specialist or therapists. I hope it all works out well.

 

[Thaynes]

So I've talked to MIL and SIL along with a few other family members and friends. They all seem pretty concerned though MIL isn't looking at the bigger picture. I plan to talk to FIL when I have the chance. I really think that they are looking into getting him some form of help. The problem will be actually getting FIL on bored though.

 

[tjw]

Thank you for the update, was wondering how it was going. Good luck with FIL

 

[seoj]

Best of luck to you all hun I certainly hope he gets any help he may need. Great that you didn't let it go and did what you needed to do.