Questions

[tasha41]

For those who left, how did you do it?

I am unhappy... not treated "badly" but could be much better if that makes sense... been staying at my mum's with LO for 3 months (injured in a car accident) and he hasn't seen LO since May 5 (for a few minutes) and I can't even remember which day he saw her before that. He hasn't been very supportive in general TBH, doesn't want to hear about it, doesn't do anything extra to help me, etc

We've had a lot of problems.. from him not helping as much as I want him to, or being as involved with LO as I'd like, to him letting his friend live with us for 8 months (which I was against to begin with), to him joining a couple of sites (incl. POF- I confronted him and he said he only did it to look up people he knows, I could see he never filled in any profile details)... he never brings me around his friends though his friends bring their GFs, I've caught him searching specific people online- one being his ex, another being a female acquaintance I know he thinks is really hot. We also aren't doing anything as far as marriage etc are concerned.. it WAS really important to me but not any more at all- I don't even know if I want to get married in general

We really don't fight but there's a lot of stuff I get pissed off with him about, more tired of it than anything- I don't want to constantly clean up after him or feel like I have to nag him to get anywhere... and I'm tired of doing everything for LO while my boyfriend = her dad? It really doesn't make sense!

I'm not really afraid about life after, I already know I can handle the parenting job, LO is getting older and will go to school and I have support so not worried about affording childcare too much, I just really don't want to go through court etc. I think he'd want to avoid but you never do know...

I also don't WANT to hurt him, or make things hard on him with money or anything else.. I just want to get on with my life really I'm worried I will make him cry/have to console him, or that he'll go drink etc. I've thought about custody/support everything already.. I'm worried about stuff like his mum, we have always had a pretty good relationship, I'm friends with his cousin, etc

 

[Laura2919]

Only you can decide if you want to leave. I was given the option and we split. Best decision I made but only you know if it is what you want. I don't talk to any of FOB's family unless it's his nephew's birthday or his mum calls up to ask how the twins are, I have a little conversation here and there with his aunty but mainly I cut all ties but you don't have to. You can't stay with someone because your scared he might drink or cry or be really down in the dumps. You've got a child and you need to be happy with your life too.

FOB has the twins every other weekend but this isn't how everyone does it so you can arrange that with him depending on what he wants.

 

[sobersadie]

The best piece of advice i got about wether or not to split up was 'You only get one shot at life' and its so true. Only you can decide whats best but if your not happy you need to either sort it out with your partner or split. I left my ex a year ago and it was the best decision i ever made. You cant hold yourself responsible for what he does if you do split you need to concentrate on yourself and ur child. Maybe a trial seperation would give him a fright and he might make an effort not to lose you? Since i split with my ex i met someone else and realised how unhappy i had been for years and now i know what its like to be treated well and im happier than ive been in many many years (and so are my children as they dont live in a bad atmosphere now.)