Rainbow/LGBTQ families

[snagglepat]

I'm pretty new to this forum but I've had a scroll through and I can't seem to find a section dedicated to lesbian/gay/bi/trans/queer conception/families. PLease point me to it if I've missed it, but if there isn't one elsewhere, maybe I can start one here.

My partner and I have a daughter who is nearly two conceived with the help of a known sperm donor. We're just about to start trying for a second. We live in Shropshire, UK and I also work as a doula - so I'm very happy to talk about pregnancy/birth issues in general too.

So, who else is out there?

Snaggle.

 

[RubyRainbows]

My name is Tammy... you posted on one of my other threads! Welcome! I am 30 years old, and my girlfriend and i are trying for baby # 2 also. Our little boy, Jayden, turned two in July! We are going thru a lesbian-owned sperm bank and TTC with frozen sperm, at-home. We will be inseminating for the second time in two weeks! Good luck on your TTC journey... and thanks for starting a LGBTQ thread!!

 

[BlackBerry25]

I am not but great idea for a group
Good luck to both of you!

 

[Mum2b_Claire]

Yup, I'm not either but good luck to both of you! I was mostly brought up by my mum and her female partner It was - and is - fantastic to have two mums.

 

[Tegans Mama]

Oooh yay!!

Hello My name is Lea, I am 21. My partner is Hayley, and she is 22. I have a daughter name Tegan who is 14 months and we are TTC number 2 at home with fresh sperm

 

[snagglepat]

Hi Tammy and Lea, and our little supporter's club.

Looks like we're all TTC in our different ways right now.

Where are you up to Lea? We're now in our first 2ww and I'm trying and failing not to think about it all too much. It's good to know others who have used known donors as well. Most of my existing online friends have used clinic/anon donors so it's good to find others who are going through similar experiences. Do you have much contact with your donor?

Gina.

 

[Tegans Mama]

We are friends with our donor, and he will have a small part in the babies life (not be called dad but updates etc).

I am on CD1, this is our first cycle TTC#2.

 

[snagglepat]

That sounds similar to us. Our donor gets email updates and he's met our daughter twice.

Did you use the same donor for your daughter?

Gina. x

 

[Tegans Mama]

No, I wish we could. Our daughter has Spina Bifida, and its not a good idea to use the same donor gain as the next child could also have it if we used that donor (there is still a risk with a different one, its just not as high).

I feel really ill today AF is never kind to me.

 

[snagglepat]

I'm sorry to hear you're feeling rough. I used to have a terrible time with AF and was diagnosed with endometriosis. It amazingly seems to have gone completely since giving birth. Now a couple of paracetamol is all it takes to remove any discomfort, and that only lasts a day. I used to be on morphine for 3-4 days before, absolute agony.

With luck you won't have another one to deal with for a good nine months.

That's a shame about not being able to use the same donor, but I understand the reasoning. How badly is she affected by the Spina Bifida?

Gina x

 

[purple_socks]

Hello ladies...thought i'd gate crash ur thread. I'm currently in a straight relationship so this is N/A to me although prior to this i was in a relationship with a woman 4 3 years..anywho, i'm still very good friends with my ex and i know her and her current partner have talked abt TTC. I know they're struggling with where to start with the whole thing. So when i spotted ur thread i though i'd come pick ur brains on their behalf...is thats ok?

Just a couple of Qs:

Where did u find ur donors? i know they've talked abt a clinic but they weren't sure if they would need to meet some sort of critiria or if they'd have to go through an application interview or anything? and i know they've hunted around 4 a private donor but its a hard subject to bring up in conversation with people...i think they're struggling with the whole 'need to know the person well enough to ask but don't want them too involved so it can't b someone they're really close to in life'! Also if no1 minds enlightening me abt the cost side to sperm donation that'd b great? i know donors aren't officially paid but i know there r costs involved...is it an expensive process? and finally r there any websites/places i can point my friends to 4 advise on all this?

right thats enough from me...best of luck TTC

 

[Tegans Mama]

Hello ladies...thought i'd gate crash ur thread. I'm currently in a straight relationship so this is N/A to me although prior to this i was in a relationship with a woman 4 3 years..anywho, i'm still very good friends with my ex and i know her and her current partner have talked abt TTC. I know they're struggling with where to start with the whole thing. So when i spotted ur thread i though i'd come pick ur brains on their behalf...is thats ok?

Just a couple of Qs:

Where did u find ur donors? Our donor this time is a close friend. the donor for our daughter was also a close friend.

i know they've talked abt a clinic but they weren't sure if they would need to meet some sort of critiria or if they'd have to go through an application interview or anything? Clinics are expensive, I am unsure regarding the criteria you must meet but I am sure there are some. I worked it out, this time around we were all set to use a clinic and for 3 cycles it was gonna cost somewhere in the region of 6 thousand pounds at my local clinic.

and i know they've hunted around 4 a private donor but its a hard subject to bring up in conversation with people...i think they're struggling with the whole 'need to know the person well enough to ask but don't want them too involved so it can't b someone they're really close to in life'! Also if no1 minds enlightening me abt the cost side to sperm donation that'd b great? This time around we are paying the travel costs for our donor because he has to come to stay with us for a few days.

i know donors aren't officially paid but i know there r costs involved...is it an expensive process? I suppose if you use a donor who isn't a friend they might request something for their health or mental wellbeing again I'm not sure.

and finally r there any websites/places i can point my friends to 4 advise on all this? I know a few couples who have found a donor here. You just have to pay the subscription fee as far as I know.

right thats enough from me...best of luck TTC

 

[Tegans Mama]

I'm sorry to hear you're feeling rough. I used to have a terrible time with AF and was diagnosed with endometriosis. It amazingly seems to have gone completely since giving birth. Now a couple of paracetamol is all it takes to remove any discomfort, and that only lasts a day. I used to be on morphine for 3-4 days before, absolute agony.

With luck you won't have another one to deal with for a good nine months.

That's a shame about not being able to use the same donor, but I understand the reasoning. How badly is she affected by the Spina Bifida?

Gina x

She is pretty badly affected, she can't use her legs at all and has problems with her bladder. Mentally she is fine

On CD6 here. AF left yesterday. Bring on CD15

 

[snagglepat]

Hi Purple socks,

Where did u find ur donors?

We found ours from an online forum that is no longer active. We posted our basic requirements and got 7 responses. Only two of those seemed worth following up after an email or two and we met them both, and one of them was perfect. We're now TTC our second with him.

i know they've talked abt a clinic but they weren't sure if they would need to meet some sort of critiria or if they'd have to go through an application interview or anything?

At a clinic they would have to see a counsellor at least once but clinics recently lost the requirement to consider the 'child's needs for a father' so there are very few criteria they'd need to meet. They'd need a very healthy bank balance though. They could comfortably expect to spend close to £1000 per cycle, if not much more if medication was needed.

Also if no1 minds enlightening me abt the cost side to sperm donation that'd b great? i know donors aren't officially paid but i know there r costs involved...is it an expensive process?

With a private donor it depends entirely on what you arrange. I know some donors ask a small payment per donation (£50 or so) and it's reasonable to expect to pay for any travel costs they incur. Also if they haven't already got children or have successfully donated to someone else it would be worth paying for a sperm count test. We had one done on our first donor about 6 years ago and it costs £100 then. I imagine it's a bit more now. He got a referral to a private fertility clinic from his GP for that. He should also get regular STI checks but he can get these free from his local GUM clinic. He may have to pay for a printout of the results though (around £10-20 I think) so he has documentary evidence of his results.

and finally r there any websites/places i can point my friends to 4 advise on all this?

The best site I know of at the moment is https://www.sperm-donors-worldwide.com/directory.htm#spermdonors . You can see the basic listings of the donors registered in each county of the UK there. To get their contact info you need to pay for membership - £37 for the first month, then £20 for each subsequent month.

Good luck to your friend and her partner. And do encourage her to come on here. It's the support online that helps keep me sane when TTC.

Gina. x

 

[purple_socks]

thanks guys...thats really great info. I'll pass it on (i'm thinking by the sounds of it they'll b avoiding clinics at those costs!!)

 

[saraendepity]

just wanted to say what a great idea for a thread/group! i am straight so is N/A for me too but my mum is in a relationship with a woman from when she and my dad split up when i was around 10, and i gotta say how great it was to have two mummies!!! wish you all the best of luck TTC, hope you dont have to wait too long

sara

xxxxx

 

[Tegans Mama]

Well this is just freakin great.....

Sorry Our donor dropped out... I'm majorly bummed. Now we will wait until after christmas before beginning the search again. We never had this problem with #1, it was so easy. When we decided to ttc#2 I never realised how hard this was gonna be...

 

[Mum2b_Claire]

just wanted to say what a great idea for a thread/group! i am straight so is N/A for me too but my mum is in a relationship with a woman from when she and my dad split up when i was around 10, and i gotta say how great it was to have two mummies!!! wish you all the best of luck TTC, hope you dont have to wait too long

sara

xxxxx

Hi Sara! Great to see someone else who has 2 mummies! I agree it's great!

 

[LunaBean]

I'm pretty new to this forum but I've had a scroll through and I can't seem to find a section dedicated to lesbian/gay/bi/trans/queer conception/families. PLease point me to it if I've missed it, but if there isn't one elsewhere, maybe I can start one here.


So, who else is out there?

Snaggle.

I PMED the mods asking for one, but never got a reply! It's the only website I'm on that doesn't have an LGBTQ sub-section, there's enough of us to need one!!

 

[RainbowMum]

*waves*

Hiya,

I'm 27 and my partner is 30.

I'm hoping that we're going to "get the ball rolling" sometime next year. First we need to save up some more money as I've just been unemployed for a couple of months but will start working again in January.

I'd be the one carrying the baby due to my GF's medical problems.

We'll probably go the "clinic route" as we don't really know anyone who could be a donor and I'm not too crazy about the idea of just finding a donor on a website...I might change my mind once the money runs out after a few rounds of IUI though ;-)