RANT about baby's Uncle.

[ItsMagic]

So I'm in an awkward and tough situation lately. My OH and I were living across the state, and we got pregnant. We were living with his mother until he graduated college, and I got a job and we saved up enough money to get our own place and not have to worry about being penniless every month. Well she decided to kick us out 2 months ago, and we had to trek across state to live with my father until we could find a place. My 18 year old brother lives here, and he does nothing for himself. Never has. He expects everybody to take care of him, and when I say anything to him, he tells me to move out and there wouldn't be problems. Understandably I should move out. Understandably I cannot just up and leave. We need to find a place that we can afford, with two bedrooms, that allows a pet. Not that easy at all. His girlfriend is always here and she showers here and dirties towels, and dirties dishes. Eats the food the OH and I buy, and she has a job. My brother does not, and he expects HER to buy him everything, which she does. So last night I was visiting with my mom and came home to a sink full of dishes and old food sitting in a pot on the stove. I sent him a text message-not rude at all- saying to come down and wash the dishes because it isn't fair to me. He came stomping down the stairs, called me a whore and yelled that he wasn't washing any dish that he did not dirty. I then told him that i wash all of his dishes, laundry and clean everything up after him. We bickered back and forth and I said that she's always here and does nothing. They sit up in his room and do nothing. They come down to eat, and to bring down dirty dishes. She yelled at me saying it wasn't right for me to bring her into it, and I said you're always here, you could help out. She said that because she doesn't live here, she has no responsibilities. I was fuming. I was yelling and crying. My brother has no remorse for anything that he says and he was telling me to go get a job and that I'm worthless because I'm going to have a kid and I have no job. I told him people don't hire pregnant people. He knows nothing about the world. They then told me it was my fault that there were problems and that I make them worse and that I complain about everything. I told him that he was a waste of life, and then he went on to tell me that he hopes my baby dies, and that I fall down the stairs and that both my baby and I die. She came outside where I went to call my mom, and told me all this stuff, and that she was sorry and she was defending him saying he has problems, and that he said mean stuff, but that I said bad stuff too. He then took everything that he was storing in my old bedroom closet until we found a place and stuck in in the bedroom that we are staying in, and in the hallway. Then he left a smartass note on the door. I have been frustrated and upset about this all day, and don't know what to do. Was I wrong? What do I do? There is no other option for me to live elsewhere atm. I try so hard to ignore him and I can't. I want nothing to do with him, and I want him to have nothing to do with my baby. Is this wrong?

 

[NetsaBaba]

So I'm in an awkward and tough situation lately. My OH and I were living across the state, and we got pregnant. We were living with his mother until he graduated college, and I got a job and we saved up enough money to get our own place and not have to worry about being penniless every month. Well she decided to kick us out 2 months ago, and we had to trek across state to live with my father until we could find a place. My 18 year old brother lives here, and he does nothing for himself. Never has. He expects everybody to take care of him, and when I say anything to him, he tells me to move out and there wouldn't be problems. Understandably I should move out. Understandably I cannot just up and leave. We need to find a place that we can afford, with two bedrooms, that allows a pet. Not that easy at all. His girlfriend is always here and she showers here and dirties towels, and dirties dishes. Eats the food the OH and I buy, and she has a job. My brother does not, and he expects HER to buy him everything, which she does. So last night I was visiting with my mom and came home to a sink full of dishes and old food sitting in a pot on the stove. I sent him a text message-not rude at all- saying to come down and wash the dishes because it isn't fair to me. He came stomping down the stairs, called me a whore and yelled that he wasn't washing any dish that he did not dirty. I then told him that i wash all of his dishes, laundry and clean everything up after him. We bickered back and forth and I said that she's always here and does nothing. They sit up in his room and do nothing. They come down to eat, and to bring down dirty dishes. She yelled at me saying it wasn't right for me to bring her into it, and I said you're always here, you could help out. She said that because she doesn't live here, she has no responsibilities. I was fuming. I was yelling and crying. My brother has no remorse for anything that he says and he was telling me to go get a job and that I'm worthless because I'm going to have a kid and I have no job. I told him people don't hire pregnant people. He knows nothing about the world. They then told me it was my fault that there were problems and that I make them worse and that I complain about everything. I told him that he was a waste of life, and then he went on to tell me that he hopes my baby dies, and that I fall down the stairs and that both my baby and I die. She came outside where I went to call my mom, and told me all this stuff, and that she was sorry and she was defending him saying he has problems, and that he said mean stuff, but that I said bad stuff too. He then took everything that he was storing in my old bedroom closet until we found a place and stuck in in the bedroom that we are staying in, and in the hallway. Then he left a smartass note on the door. I have been frustrated and upset about this all day, and don't know what to do. Was I wrong? What do I do? There is no other option for me to live elsewhere atm. I try so hard to ignore him and I can't. I want nothing to do with him, and I want him to have nothing to do with my baby. Is this wrong?

I know he is your brother but he is an awful piece of humanity who deservs no love and no help off anyone, especially his pregnant sister who he just told that he hopes her baby dies!
You arent wrong hun and i suggest you get out asap, i know its hard atm but just bare with it until you can get out. I wouldnt do anything else for him tbh. If you need to ignor him ignore him completely! Do your own dishes do your own clothes but leave everything of his, he needs to grow up quickly or he will get know where in life and is completely ignorant tbh.
You dont need this at any time of your life never mind when you're expecting a baby, he has no respect for you so i wouldnt for him. Respect is earned and from what you have described he does nothing to contribute and is a waster who expects everything handed to him on a plate.
Dont feel bad and just think towards the day you can leave and have your own little family

 

[ItsMagic]

Thank you. He and she just made me feel like I was the terrible one, but I know I'm not. I try so hard to make everyone happy, and avoid confrontation, and I do so much for him. He doesn't appreciate anything, and he is spoiled rotten. I told my OH that he better never help him with anything ever again. I wanted so bad to retaliate but I know it is wrong and immature. I know the best thing to do is bite my tongue and ignore him, and when I do move out, I will not speak to him. I want him to have nothing to do with my son. That is his nephew and if he's saying stuff like that before he is born, he doesn't deserve to ever meet him or know him. Thanks for the support!!

 

[NetsaBaba]

No Problem hunnie and you're completely right, i hate alot of people but to wish that on a defensless unborn baby is sick.
Hope everything gets easier for you

 

[Ami777]

First off you are right hes 18 and doesnt know jack. Until he matures i think you have good reasaon not to want your baby around him. Ignore him or speak with your dad about what has been going on.

 

[ItsMagic]

First off you are right hes 18 and doesnt know jack. Until he matures i think you have good reasaon not to want your baby around him. Ignore him or speak with your dad about what has been going on.

I spoke with my dad and told him everything. My dad nearly killed him, but my dad has bad nerves, and gets upset very easily and I asked him not to say or do anything to him because I didn't want to give me dad a heart attack. My dad is a very nice-push over kinda guy, and my brother takes advantage of him. I have tried very hard to get my dad to do something about my brother but he can only do so much because he isn't strict enough to kick my brother out or force him to do things. I am just sick to my stomach that my own brother would wish death on his own nephew. He disgusts me. I have ignored him so far today. Thank you ladies for all of your support.

 

[SRTBaby]

I hope you and your OH get your place soon, you dont need that negativity

 

[Welly]

Boys, and immature boys in particular, are a nightmare. That is just mean and very selfish of him.

The only thing I could suggest, but not sure if it would work, is to write him a letter/note explaining how you feel. Tell him that you know you said things too but some of the things he said were truly nasty. Maybe pouring your heart out in a letter without raised voices, etc will give him time to appreciate what you're going through. To be honest though hun I'm surprised you didn't punch him! I'm pretty sure I would have if my brother behaved like that lol.

Try (if you can) to not let it upset you

 

[Cookie1979]

He's still a teenager and I think it will be many years before he grows up and starts treating people with respect. What does your dad do about him? As long as he is allowed to behave like that and just bum around then he's not going to change and probably will only get worse. He needs to get off his backside and get a job and look after himself instead of inspecting everyone to do stuff for him. He's a nasty piece of work by the sounds of it, and I dont think any amount of confrontation will change that, I would leave him to do his own thing, you clean up after yourself, stay away from him, if he wants to be dirty let him...before you moved in someone must have cleaned up after him, whether he did it himself or your dad did I dont know, but if your dad has a problem let him deal with him, he's his problem not yours. People say things in the heat of the moment and I dont think for a second he meant what he said about you and your baby dying, it was a nasty nasty thing to say but his intention was to hurt and shock you and thats what he did.

I can sympathise with you, my hubbys brother is a complete and utter A hole, he snubbed our wedding, he is rude and obnoxious, thinks he knows better than everyone else and is just plain rude. I hate him and I'm never going to forgive him for not coming to our wedding and treating my hubby so badly, I dont care how many times his parents make excuses for him, there are no excuses, he's a nasty piece of work and as far as I'm concerned our baby wont have an uncle on my husbands side of the family. I blame his parents, they have let him treat them badly, they forgive him, bend over backwards for him and all they get in return was is comments and attitude. If they'd been tougher on him, if they were tougher on him now and didn't allow him to treat people badly maybe he wouldn't be such a idiot. Same as your brother he bummed around, didnt have a job and no one pushed him to get off his backside, he just walked around with an attitude, he actually thought he was better than us, and me and my hubby we mugs for working full time. Well me and my hubby have a 3 bedroom house in a lovely area, 2 cats, a baby on the way and a nice car (ok not the newest but still nice) whose the mug now??!!! He's living back with mummy and daddy and acting like the same idiot he's always been.

So I can understand why you are so angry about your brother, and I really do sympathise with you, I get angry enough at my DH's brother and he lives an hour away and we never see him...and dont plan to again.

Just leave your brother to it, dont talk to him, dont acknowledge him, he isn't worth your anger or your tears and if his own parents are just going to make excuses for him then he will never change, he's been allowed to treat people badly for too long and thinks its perfectly acceptable.