Sooz
Paige & Mason's Mum!
- Joined
- Sep 21, 2008
- Messages
- 19,270
- Reaction score
- 0
Paige Alyse arrived at 40+3 on 31st May 2011, after a 6 hour labour in the birthing pool, at 5:05pm. This is my no holds barred account of what happened, I'm hoping you find it interesting & informative!
In the early hours of Tuesday morning I got up to go to the loo and felt a period pain low down, which passed as I waddled back to bed. I had a few more of these over the course of the night but they only happened when I turned over or went to the loo. I convinced myself baby was lying on a nerve, as had had false tightenings on Sunday for 5 hours and nothing had happened. They didn't wake me up, but I got up with DH at 7am because I was hungry. I should also mention at this stage, my appetite had not diminished at all and I ate like a pig Monday....I did note that I had to visit the toilet three times in the afternoon....which I now know was my body trying to clear me out!
DH left for work and I got ready as my NCT ladies were due for cake & coffee at 10:30am. I also hoovered, hung out the washing, did the washing up, tidied and sorted the animals. The point at which I noticed these pains getting more noticeable was when I was trying to get the washing hung out...if any of my neighbours were watching they would have seen me repeatedly running in and out of the house to go and crawl about on the floor around this stage but I was still in denial that anything was really happening, because some of the contractions seemed very half-hearted, they would start to build then die off, and with others my bump wouldn't actually tighten.
I then started to feel sick and at this point I started to um and ah about cancelling the NCT lot, at about 9.50am, I finally sent out an email. It was of course far too late and they were all already en route! After throwing up during a particularly painful contraction I cracked and called DH figuring he could at least help with the NCT ladies if nothing else, but I was also feeling a little panicked and needed some support myself.
There was a knock at the door during this period of waiting which I decided to answer as a contraction wore off. A flustered and breathless me was confronted by two Jehovas Witnesses! They asked if I'd run to the door to which I responded, err, actually I'm in labour. The looks on their faces were priceless! They asked if I needed any help and I explained all I needed was my birthing ball and husband, so they wished me luck and left. I'm usually a hide behind the sofa girl but it was too good an opportunity to miss!
DH arrived home at 10:15am and was immediately dispatched to get my TENS machine out. I was bent over the birthing ball with him strapping it on to my back when the door went and the NCT girls started to arrive. DH joked 'Your just in time', they made a joke about labour....walked in, heard me moaning, saw me rolling over the ball on all fours with a half attached TENS machine and just stopped dead. We were all in hysterics as between contractions I was fine, able to talk and laugh and everything. Another reason I thought labour was still a long way off. DH made them tea and bought out the cakes I made the day before and we chatted, pausing when they noticed me hit the boost button on the machine and start rocking on the ball. The overwhelming comfortable urge was for me to be on all fours slowly rotating my hips clockwise whilst leaning on the ball and breathing deeply and slowly. I found the breathing was more a natural impulse than learned reaction.
Around 11am one of the girls asked if anyone had been timing the contractions. I said no, of course not, they're barely lasting 30 seconds and they're miles apart. Her and DH exchanged a look and he pulled out the laptop and found an online timer. I told him every time one started and he would click stop when I turned the boost off of my TENS. It soon became very clear the contractions were 1-2 minutes long and at the most 5 minutes apart. Then we got 4 in 10 minutes and DH panicked. I was gob smacked! He called my community midwife, who was in clinic with her student midwife who I was a case study for and who would be overseeing my birth. The CMW decided to send the SMW out to examine me and things started to hot up.
I went to the loo and found I'd had the start of my show, and was hit by a strong contraction on the toilet which caused me to start vomiting violently. I shouted for Phil and the NCT ladies decided it was time to go....I don't blame them, it must have been a bit frightening to hear/see. My show got much heavier. SMW arrived at about 12pm and after observing me contracting and looking through the timings she suggested I take some paracetamol, which DH popped to the shop for. In hindsight, paracetamol in labour is the most laughable suggestion ever....it's like taking paracetamol because someone is repeatedly hitting you in the knee with a hammer, it isn't going to help until they stop! Whilst he was at the shop SMW offered an internal which I accepted, expecting to be 2-3cm at most at this point. I was shocked to be told I had already reached 5 cm dilated and fully effaced at home with nothing but the TENS! Knowing my birth plan as she had helped write it, she called Jessops Wing straight away to request a pool room and arrange for me to go in, then when DH returned she helped me get in the car with some difficulty. Contractions in the car are not fun, I had 4 during the 15 minute journey and they were rough....I was squirming and moaning about in the seat. The TENS did help take the edge off though if I was fast with the boost button.
When I got to Jessops we were sent through to Triage where they normally assess you. There were 4 or 5 people milling about chatting and drinking coffee and the waiting room was empty except for me & DH. I lent over a chair and concentrated on breathing through the contractions whilst DH rubbed my back. In all honesty the last thing I wanted at any point was to be touched, especially where the TENS was but I managed not to say anything as I knew it helped DH feel useful. All that massage I was looking forward too after ante-natal was certainly out the window though! DH tells me one of the staff suddenly looked at my notes and went "oh, have you read these, she's already 5 cm dilated" and then we became the centre of attention! We were led directly to the only pool room on the 22 bed midwifery led unit. Thankfully we later heard there were only two other women in labour at the time and one wasn't even in established labour.
Here I was observed contracting for a while, before the MW declared they better get the pool running now as I was obviously already in established labour and contracting every few minutes. They called my SMW back to the hospital pretty sharpish as she was expected to lead the delivery as part of her qualifying (if anyone is asked to be a case study for a student I cannot reccommend it enough, you get one on one attention throughout pregnancy, labour & the first two weeks post-partum. I adore my SMW and I am going to miss her loads when she signs us over the the HV next week). We got to hospital around 1:30pm and I think I finally asked for the Entonox around 2pm. TBH for a while it didn't occur to me that I could have any other form of pain relief besides the TENS, I can also honestly say it never even crossed my mind to ask for pethidine or an epidural, I didn't consider them an option so I just buckled down and got on with it. I really recommend Entonox, it didn't make me feel sick but I did feel drunk and light headed. It does not relieve pain though, just puts you in a better place to cope with it. In fact, I liked it so much in fact they used the mouthpiece as a bribe to get me to move positions, I was like a donkey following a bloody carrot! I spent most of the labour in the water, thankfully the contractions only slowed up for about half an hour after getting in before increasing again, but the water was great for allowing me to move position easily and to relax between contractions (it was positively blissful in between). When a contraction came on my hand would shoot out of the water and grab wildly towards DH which was his queue to lean in with the mouthpiece, and when he wasn't offering me G&A he was holding water out for me to sip. I found my urge to be on all fours continued in the water so when a contraction started I'd clamp the mouthpiece between my teeth and get on my hands and knee's and sway.
By about 4pm I was fighting the urge to push. I can't really explain what it's like, you just know you want to be doing it. The MWs must have realised I was getting near transititon as they asked me what I was feeling and I uttered the immortal 'I want to pussssh' line before even realising what I was saying. At this point I still had not had another internal since the one at home. The MWs told me to go with what my body was feeling. It is very weird to be expected to trust your body to know what it is doing, we didn't even know if I was fully dilated at this point. Anyway, with the Entonox between my teeth and on all fours in the pool I started to push with each contraction. At this point I will admit I started to get vocal and moan my way through. My room adjoined another through a doorway to the equipment room and I'm afraid I scared the shit out of the young girl in there (the one not in established labour) because later I could hear her crying out, so there was no way she couldn't have heard me (she delivered an hour after I did whilst I was still in the room and if I sounded half as bad as she did....hmm).
Anyway after about twenty minutes all I had achieved was managing to poo repeatedly in the water. I put this down to the fact my body didn't really get a chance to clear out before labour. I'm embarrassed to say it was happening more or less with every push to the point DH took over poop-a-scoop duties with the sieve because he felt sorry for my SMW! About this time they started to discuss the possibility I wasn't fully dilated after all and then, and I couldn't believe this, they started to talk about the mythical 'purple line'. Some of you may remember this thread from Third Trimester about there being a purple line running up some women's backs that shows how dilated they are. Apparently I have it! I had a medical student sitting in as well and all three were all staring at this supposed line running up my bum whilst I was pushing & pooing....how dignified!
At this point I recall starting to get very frustrated and telling them that I couldn't do it, nothing was happening except me crapping myself and the baby wouldn't move. In the back of my mind I knew I was in transition but I felt so helpless at that moment. They got me to try bracing myself with my legs and back against the sides of the pool for a few contractions and to push silently to get all the effort in to my bum whilst they looked down below with a mirror. I remember telling them that my body wouldn't let me, my brain was trying to push and my body kept countering it. They pointed out it was probably actually the other way round and it was my brain I needed to have a word with, not my body!
They decided that the pool was not affording me the best use of gravity at this stage and strongly suggested I get out and try sitting on the toilet. I was not impressed by this at all and started shaking my head. A combination of threats & bribery were employed (don't make us fetch a doctor, they'll want to do an assisted delivery and don't you want to get this baby out faster, and, you can keep the Entonox with you) and the next thing I know I am following the G&A out of the pool towards the bathroom. I hated every single one of them at that moment in time. I did not want my baby on the toilet. I don't know how long we were there for but it couldn't have been more than 15 minutes. I was immensely uncomfortable, nothing seemed to be progressing and I was tiring. The MWs wanted to do an internal because no-one knew if my waters had gone in the pool or not and I was being monitored on the doppler every 15 minutes (had been since the beginning), and baby's heart rate had started to dip to around 110 bpm. This meant I was going to have to lie on the bed.
More waddling across the room as I followed the Entonox and squeased DH's hand for dear life before they helped me on to the bed. I will be honest and say how ANY woman chooses to labour in this position is totally beyond me. It was excruciatingly painful, even more so than when she was crowning, it was the worst part of the entire labour for me and it lasted just a few minutes but felt like forever. The internal itself did not hurt, just the position when contracting. Waters were intact still, I WAS fully dilated and they could easily feel her head. MW removed her hand, I had a huge contraction, yelled my head off that I couldn't possibly stay lying down any longer and with a massive pop my waters went! It was so sudden and forceful it caught us all off guard and I was just lying in a pool of warm water on the bed for a few seconds whilst the MWs decided the next move.
They still felt I needed the help of gravity to move her down so decided to get me to lean over the bed and squat low for a few pushes, the idea being I'd move to the pool after a few of these contractions. It was at this point I started to get angry with my body and this baby that wouldn't bloody move. I think this was the only time I swore at anyone and i think it was DH who was leaning over the bed with the Entonox for me. The students & MW were behind me sat on the floor looking up at my poor foof. I remember my SMW commenting that she had never seen 'calm Suzanne' get angry before. I did a huge push, shouted my head off and felt something burning....suddenly there were sterile packs, aprons and gloves all on the floor beneath me. I had another contraction and pushed again, felt the burn, and kept going. Then I felt a pop, looked down and this head was hanging between my legs. It had lots of hair & vernix and was a funny colour. It still hurt. I was still pissed off, and I did something naughty. I pushed without a contraction. DH tells me he has never seen someone shit themselves so much in his life as the MWs did realising the baby was actually coming right that second, the MWs and him positively pounced towards the baby who they say just flew out. All this happened in about a minute!
Paige was born at 5:05pm, following 6 hours of established labour and 28 minutes after my membranes ruptured. She was followed by my hind waters and quite a bit of blood too. they passed her up between my legs, DH & I pulled her on to the bed and rubbed her down with a towel. She cried immediately....her APGAR scores were 9@1 minute and 9@10 minutes, the missing point was on colour which I am told is really common.
I had planned a natural third stage so whilst I had skin to skin with the baby MWs reminded me to push when I felt the urge to deliver the placenta. Paige was left attached to the cord until it stopped pulsating, then it was clamped and I cut it, with DH holding my hand. The placenta came out easily, painlessly and whole 10 minutes after Paige. It was enormous! Paige did have an odd kink in her umbillical cord though which the students took a good look at as it was so unusual. Thankfully it hadn't caused any problems with the blood flow. She also didn't have nuchal cord when delivered. She was then given the Vit K injection whilst they assessed the damage to my foof, I needed the Entonox for this as it was painful when they started to poke about inside. I was told I'd torn and it was going to require a consultant to look at it. Whilst waiting I stayed skin to skin with Paige and latched her for her first feed. I could feel blood trickling between my legs and after mentioning this to the MWs a couple of times when I felt gushes they decided I could be hemorrhaging and gave me the injection just in case, what no-one had told me either then nor at ante-natal is the injection is notorious for making you vomit, and within 10 minutes I was bringing up bright green bile! So be warned if you opt for or need the injection, get a bowl at the ready, just in case.
Here, I'll cut a long story short. When the consultant examined me I was told I'd had a 3rd degree perineal tear, that is I'd split front to back and into my rectal sphincter muscle. The risk from this was that I could end up incontinent so it was decided I'd need surgery. Two hours after my daughters birth I was wheeled away from her and her Daddy to have a spinal block placed and then to theatre. I was in recovery around 8pm, and had an elevated pulse from the stress of everything, despite having sedative in theatre (at my request) because I was so freaked out by the paralysis. By the time we hit the ward DH had to leave after about half an hour leaving me totally reliant on the nurses to tend to Paige & myself.
I spent three days in hospital and the shock of everything left me feeling quite emotionally detatched form the situation. When we were discharged on the Friday I found myself sitting in the bath that night sobbing my eye's out because I was so overwhelmed by everything. I was in denial until such a long way in to labour, which is why they think I coped so well at home for so long, but this meant it all came as a real shock to me. I didn't get any real forewarning....my contractions, vomiting, show, waters all happened during established labour. I didn't get time to adjust to the fact my pregnancy was ending and my baby was coming. Before I knew it my bump was a baby and that was it! I coped physically and did what needed to be done but I can't say I felt like I loved Paige to start with. I'd have killed for her and protected her, but I didn't get 'the rush' of overpowering love. I was worried there was something wrong with her or with me.
Finally on Saturday after our visitors left I was rocking Paige in the kitchen to help her settle and she just looked right up in to my eyes and smiled into them. I can honestly pinpoint that as the exact moment the 'love' hit me. I've never felt anything so amazing and overpoweringly frightening in my life. I've cried most days since, because the feeling of love and responsibility, and the change is a lot to take in, but they are mostly happy tears. I know I'll adjust and it will take time but we've done an amazing thing, and despite the shock and the surgery I am immensely grateful to have had such a quick, quite easy and relatively painless labour with two amazing midwives to support me and a fantastic husband and new Daddy to continue to support me as we find our way through this new life together.
If you've managed to read all of this thank you, and well done! I have made it as factual, frank and honest an account of my experience as possible and hopefully it will go some way towards preparing some of you for the types of emotions you will experience, and also offer some practical advice. For those of you reading who have already had your little ones and are maybe feeling the same way as me, then I hope it perhaps reassures you it is normal and you are not alone.
I'll leave you with some pictures of my little girl, who is, I'm told, the spitting image of her Daddy.
https://a7.sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-ash4/254293_2076827606943_1432575835_2468315_7129203_n.jpg
https://a2.sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-snc6/253512_2073366360414_1432575835_2462636_2592236_n.jpg
https://a1.sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-snc6/247571_2067270088011_1432575835_2455547_5076790_n.jpg
One week old:
https://a5.sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-snc6/248407_2086757455183_1432575835_2482641_3813716_n.jpg
In the early hours of Tuesday morning I got up to go to the loo and felt a period pain low down, which passed as I waddled back to bed. I had a few more of these over the course of the night but they only happened when I turned over or went to the loo. I convinced myself baby was lying on a nerve, as had had false tightenings on Sunday for 5 hours and nothing had happened. They didn't wake me up, but I got up with DH at 7am because I was hungry. I should also mention at this stage, my appetite had not diminished at all and I ate like a pig Monday....I did note that I had to visit the toilet three times in the afternoon....which I now know was my body trying to clear me out!
DH left for work and I got ready as my NCT ladies were due for cake & coffee at 10:30am. I also hoovered, hung out the washing, did the washing up, tidied and sorted the animals. The point at which I noticed these pains getting more noticeable was when I was trying to get the washing hung out...if any of my neighbours were watching they would have seen me repeatedly running in and out of the house to go and crawl about on the floor around this stage but I was still in denial that anything was really happening, because some of the contractions seemed very half-hearted, they would start to build then die off, and with others my bump wouldn't actually tighten.
I then started to feel sick and at this point I started to um and ah about cancelling the NCT lot, at about 9.50am, I finally sent out an email. It was of course far too late and they were all already en route! After throwing up during a particularly painful contraction I cracked and called DH figuring he could at least help with the NCT ladies if nothing else, but I was also feeling a little panicked and needed some support myself.
There was a knock at the door during this period of waiting which I decided to answer as a contraction wore off. A flustered and breathless me was confronted by two Jehovas Witnesses! They asked if I'd run to the door to which I responded, err, actually I'm in labour. The looks on their faces were priceless! They asked if I needed any help and I explained all I needed was my birthing ball and husband, so they wished me luck and left. I'm usually a hide behind the sofa girl but it was too good an opportunity to miss!
DH arrived home at 10:15am and was immediately dispatched to get my TENS machine out. I was bent over the birthing ball with him strapping it on to my back when the door went and the NCT girls started to arrive. DH joked 'Your just in time', they made a joke about labour....walked in, heard me moaning, saw me rolling over the ball on all fours with a half attached TENS machine and just stopped dead. We were all in hysterics as between contractions I was fine, able to talk and laugh and everything. Another reason I thought labour was still a long way off. DH made them tea and bought out the cakes I made the day before and we chatted, pausing when they noticed me hit the boost button on the machine and start rocking on the ball. The overwhelming comfortable urge was for me to be on all fours slowly rotating my hips clockwise whilst leaning on the ball and breathing deeply and slowly. I found the breathing was more a natural impulse than learned reaction.
Around 11am one of the girls asked if anyone had been timing the contractions. I said no, of course not, they're barely lasting 30 seconds and they're miles apart. Her and DH exchanged a look and he pulled out the laptop and found an online timer. I told him every time one started and he would click stop when I turned the boost off of my TENS. It soon became very clear the contractions were 1-2 minutes long and at the most 5 minutes apart. Then we got 4 in 10 minutes and DH panicked. I was gob smacked! He called my community midwife, who was in clinic with her student midwife who I was a case study for and who would be overseeing my birth. The CMW decided to send the SMW out to examine me and things started to hot up.
I went to the loo and found I'd had the start of my show, and was hit by a strong contraction on the toilet which caused me to start vomiting violently. I shouted for Phil and the NCT ladies decided it was time to go....I don't blame them, it must have been a bit frightening to hear/see. My show got much heavier. SMW arrived at about 12pm and after observing me contracting and looking through the timings she suggested I take some paracetamol, which DH popped to the shop for. In hindsight, paracetamol in labour is the most laughable suggestion ever....it's like taking paracetamol because someone is repeatedly hitting you in the knee with a hammer, it isn't going to help until they stop! Whilst he was at the shop SMW offered an internal which I accepted, expecting to be 2-3cm at most at this point. I was shocked to be told I had already reached 5 cm dilated and fully effaced at home with nothing but the TENS! Knowing my birth plan as she had helped write it, she called Jessops Wing straight away to request a pool room and arrange for me to go in, then when DH returned she helped me get in the car with some difficulty. Contractions in the car are not fun, I had 4 during the 15 minute journey and they were rough....I was squirming and moaning about in the seat. The TENS did help take the edge off though if I was fast with the boost button.
When I got to Jessops we were sent through to Triage where they normally assess you. There were 4 or 5 people milling about chatting and drinking coffee and the waiting room was empty except for me & DH. I lent over a chair and concentrated on breathing through the contractions whilst DH rubbed my back. In all honesty the last thing I wanted at any point was to be touched, especially where the TENS was but I managed not to say anything as I knew it helped DH feel useful. All that massage I was looking forward too after ante-natal was certainly out the window though! DH tells me one of the staff suddenly looked at my notes and went "oh, have you read these, she's already 5 cm dilated" and then we became the centre of attention! We were led directly to the only pool room on the 22 bed midwifery led unit. Thankfully we later heard there were only two other women in labour at the time and one wasn't even in established labour.
Here I was observed contracting for a while, before the MW declared they better get the pool running now as I was obviously already in established labour and contracting every few minutes. They called my SMW back to the hospital pretty sharpish as she was expected to lead the delivery as part of her qualifying (if anyone is asked to be a case study for a student I cannot reccommend it enough, you get one on one attention throughout pregnancy, labour & the first two weeks post-partum. I adore my SMW and I am going to miss her loads when she signs us over the the HV next week). We got to hospital around 1:30pm and I think I finally asked for the Entonox around 2pm. TBH for a while it didn't occur to me that I could have any other form of pain relief besides the TENS, I can also honestly say it never even crossed my mind to ask for pethidine or an epidural, I didn't consider them an option so I just buckled down and got on with it. I really recommend Entonox, it didn't make me feel sick but I did feel drunk and light headed. It does not relieve pain though, just puts you in a better place to cope with it. In fact, I liked it so much in fact they used the mouthpiece as a bribe to get me to move positions, I was like a donkey following a bloody carrot! I spent most of the labour in the water, thankfully the contractions only slowed up for about half an hour after getting in before increasing again, but the water was great for allowing me to move position easily and to relax between contractions (it was positively blissful in between). When a contraction came on my hand would shoot out of the water and grab wildly towards DH which was his queue to lean in with the mouthpiece, and when he wasn't offering me G&A he was holding water out for me to sip. I found my urge to be on all fours continued in the water so when a contraction started I'd clamp the mouthpiece between my teeth and get on my hands and knee's and sway.
By about 4pm I was fighting the urge to push. I can't really explain what it's like, you just know you want to be doing it. The MWs must have realised I was getting near transititon as they asked me what I was feeling and I uttered the immortal 'I want to pussssh' line before even realising what I was saying. At this point I still had not had another internal since the one at home. The MWs told me to go with what my body was feeling. It is very weird to be expected to trust your body to know what it is doing, we didn't even know if I was fully dilated at this point. Anyway, with the Entonox between my teeth and on all fours in the pool I started to push with each contraction. At this point I will admit I started to get vocal and moan my way through. My room adjoined another through a doorway to the equipment room and I'm afraid I scared the shit out of the young girl in there (the one not in established labour) because later I could hear her crying out, so there was no way she couldn't have heard me (she delivered an hour after I did whilst I was still in the room and if I sounded half as bad as she did....hmm).
Anyway after about twenty minutes all I had achieved was managing to poo repeatedly in the water. I put this down to the fact my body didn't really get a chance to clear out before labour. I'm embarrassed to say it was happening more or less with every push to the point DH took over poop-a-scoop duties with the sieve because he felt sorry for my SMW! About this time they started to discuss the possibility I wasn't fully dilated after all and then, and I couldn't believe this, they started to talk about the mythical 'purple line'. Some of you may remember this thread from Third Trimester about there being a purple line running up some women's backs that shows how dilated they are. Apparently I have it! I had a medical student sitting in as well and all three were all staring at this supposed line running up my bum whilst I was pushing & pooing....how dignified!
At this point I recall starting to get very frustrated and telling them that I couldn't do it, nothing was happening except me crapping myself and the baby wouldn't move. In the back of my mind I knew I was in transition but I felt so helpless at that moment. They got me to try bracing myself with my legs and back against the sides of the pool for a few contractions and to push silently to get all the effort in to my bum whilst they looked down below with a mirror. I remember telling them that my body wouldn't let me, my brain was trying to push and my body kept countering it. They pointed out it was probably actually the other way round and it was my brain I needed to have a word with, not my body!
They decided that the pool was not affording me the best use of gravity at this stage and strongly suggested I get out and try sitting on the toilet. I was not impressed by this at all and started shaking my head. A combination of threats & bribery were employed (don't make us fetch a doctor, they'll want to do an assisted delivery and don't you want to get this baby out faster, and, you can keep the Entonox with you) and the next thing I know I am following the G&A out of the pool towards the bathroom. I hated every single one of them at that moment in time. I did not want my baby on the toilet. I don't know how long we were there for but it couldn't have been more than 15 minutes. I was immensely uncomfortable, nothing seemed to be progressing and I was tiring. The MWs wanted to do an internal because no-one knew if my waters had gone in the pool or not and I was being monitored on the doppler every 15 minutes (had been since the beginning), and baby's heart rate had started to dip to around 110 bpm. This meant I was going to have to lie on the bed.
More waddling across the room as I followed the Entonox and squeased DH's hand for dear life before they helped me on to the bed. I will be honest and say how ANY woman chooses to labour in this position is totally beyond me. It was excruciatingly painful, even more so than when she was crowning, it was the worst part of the entire labour for me and it lasted just a few minutes but felt like forever. The internal itself did not hurt, just the position when contracting. Waters were intact still, I WAS fully dilated and they could easily feel her head. MW removed her hand, I had a huge contraction, yelled my head off that I couldn't possibly stay lying down any longer and with a massive pop my waters went! It was so sudden and forceful it caught us all off guard and I was just lying in a pool of warm water on the bed for a few seconds whilst the MWs decided the next move.
They still felt I needed the help of gravity to move her down so decided to get me to lean over the bed and squat low for a few pushes, the idea being I'd move to the pool after a few of these contractions. It was at this point I started to get angry with my body and this baby that wouldn't bloody move. I think this was the only time I swore at anyone and i think it was DH who was leaning over the bed with the Entonox for me. The students & MW were behind me sat on the floor looking up at my poor foof. I remember my SMW commenting that she had never seen 'calm Suzanne' get angry before. I did a huge push, shouted my head off and felt something burning....suddenly there were sterile packs, aprons and gloves all on the floor beneath me. I had another contraction and pushed again, felt the burn, and kept going. Then I felt a pop, looked down and this head was hanging between my legs. It had lots of hair & vernix and was a funny colour. It still hurt. I was still pissed off, and I did something naughty. I pushed without a contraction. DH tells me he has never seen someone shit themselves so much in his life as the MWs did realising the baby was actually coming right that second, the MWs and him positively pounced towards the baby who they say just flew out. All this happened in about a minute!
Paige was born at 5:05pm, following 6 hours of established labour and 28 minutes after my membranes ruptured. She was followed by my hind waters and quite a bit of blood too. they passed her up between my legs, DH & I pulled her on to the bed and rubbed her down with a towel. She cried immediately....her APGAR scores were 9@1 minute and 9@10 minutes, the missing point was on colour which I am told is really common.
I had planned a natural third stage so whilst I had skin to skin with the baby MWs reminded me to push when I felt the urge to deliver the placenta. Paige was left attached to the cord until it stopped pulsating, then it was clamped and I cut it, with DH holding my hand. The placenta came out easily, painlessly and whole 10 minutes after Paige. It was enormous! Paige did have an odd kink in her umbillical cord though which the students took a good look at as it was so unusual. Thankfully it hadn't caused any problems with the blood flow. She also didn't have nuchal cord when delivered. She was then given the Vit K injection whilst they assessed the damage to my foof, I needed the Entonox for this as it was painful when they started to poke about inside. I was told I'd torn and it was going to require a consultant to look at it. Whilst waiting I stayed skin to skin with Paige and latched her for her first feed. I could feel blood trickling between my legs and after mentioning this to the MWs a couple of times when I felt gushes they decided I could be hemorrhaging and gave me the injection just in case, what no-one had told me either then nor at ante-natal is the injection is notorious for making you vomit, and within 10 minutes I was bringing up bright green bile! So be warned if you opt for or need the injection, get a bowl at the ready, just in case.
Here, I'll cut a long story short. When the consultant examined me I was told I'd had a 3rd degree perineal tear, that is I'd split front to back and into my rectal sphincter muscle. The risk from this was that I could end up incontinent so it was decided I'd need surgery. Two hours after my daughters birth I was wheeled away from her and her Daddy to have a spinal block placed and then to theatre. I was in recovery around 8pm, and had an elevated pulse from the stress of everything, despite having sedative in theatre (at my request) because I was so freaked out by the paralysis. By the time we hit the ward DH had to leave after about half an hour leaving me totally reliant on the nurses to tend to Paige & myself.
I spent three days in hospital and the shock of everything left me feeling quite emotionally detatched form the situation. When we were discharged on the Friday I found myself sitting in the bath that night sobbing my eye's out because I was so overwhelmed by everything. I was in denial until such a long way in to labour, which is why they think I coped so well at home for so long, but this meant it all came as a real shock to me. I didn't get any real forewarning....my contractions, vomiting, show, waters all happened during established labour. I didn't get time to adjust to the fact my pregnancy was ending and my baby was coming. Before I knew it my bump was a baby and that was it! I coped physically and did what needed to be done but I can't say I felt like I loved Paige to start with. I'd have killed for her and protected her, but I didn't get 'the rush' of overpowering love. I was worried there was something wrong with her or with me.
Finally on Saturday after our visitors left I was rocking Paige in the kitchen to help her settle and she just looked right up in to my eyes and smiled into them. I can honestly pinpoint that as the exact moment the 'love' hit me. I've never felt anything so amazing and overpoweringly frightening in my life. I've cried most days since, because the feeling of love and responsibility, and the change is a lot to take in, but they are mostly happy tears. I know I'll adjust and it will take time but we've done an amazing thing, and despite the shock and the surgery I am immensely grateful to have had such a quick, quite easy and relatively painless labour with two amazing midwives to support me and a fantastic husband and new Daddy to continue to support me as we find our way through this new life together.
If you've managed to read all of this thank you, and well done! I have made it as factual, frank and honest an account of my experience as possible and hopefully it will go some way towards preparing some of you for the types of emotions you will experience, and also offer some practical advice. For those of you reading who have already had your little ones and are maybe feeling the same way as me, then I hope it perhaps reassures you it is normal and you are not alone.
I'll leave you with some pictures of my little girl, who is, I'm told, the spitting image of her Daddy.
https://a7.sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-ash4/254293_2076827606943_1432575835_2468315_7129203_n.jpg
https://a2.sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-snc6/253512_2073366360414_1432575835_2462636_2592236_n.jpg
https://a1.sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-snc6/247571_2067270088011_1432575835_2455547_5076790_n.jpg
One week old:
https://a5.sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-snc6/248407_2086757455183_1432575835_2482641_3813716_n.jpg
