really don't know what to do :(

[stephanie20]

hey, i am 17 weeks pregnant now and i am 20 years old, the FOB is my ex boyfriend who i was with for 7 months, lived with him for 4 months. at first everything was perfect but then when we moved in together he changed, he became controlling (didn't let me see my friends, didn't like it when i wore makeup etc) and told me many lies (or what i think are lies :/) said things like he used to be a drug dealer and beat people up for money, also that he used to be in the army and was in special ops and did a mission in vietnam and killed children :/. he said that was why he really wanted children and bullied me to take my contraceptive implant out which i did eventually and got pregnant. he left me 2 weeks after i found out i was pregnant, in them two weeks he was dead excited but that quickly died down. in the end he split up with me because he was shouting at me over the phone so i put the phone down on him.

during our relationship he got me into a lot of debt, his credit history was bad so he got me to get him phone contracts for the free gifts, had my name on all the bills etc etc.

since we split up i have kept the door open for him, he came to the first scan but said he was gutted when he saw the baby on the screen cos he was telling himself i wasnt pregnant, told me to get an abortion and lied and said his mum and stepdad wanted me to get an abortion because it would be easier for both of us, he then bought a scan picture for him and his mum but then later posted it through my door, i opened the door and he was walking off so i left him to it, he then came back and started threatening me if i didnt give it him back, i didnt but i then went to his house later to give it to his mum.

after that i blocked all contact with him but stayed in contact with his mum, i then got a message from my ex before the FOB saying that the FOB had told him that he was the baby's father, i confronted his mum about it who just said "well he dusnt have access to a computer here so he cant have done it" i said to her he could go on facebook on his phone and tell him or use someone elses computer but she just said she believed him and not me, after that i blocked all contact with her too.

everything was fine after that, i felt happier that i didnt have him on my back but then his cousin messaged me yesterday telling me FOB wants to be involved in the baby's life now so i sent him a message telling him when the next scan was, he then rang me telling me he has loads of baby things off his family, he wants to be involved and that i was wrong for blocking him out, i said to him if he wanted to get in contact with me he could have but he never did but he just got angry and had a go at me, saying that im trying to turn his family against him and stuff :/.

whats annoying me is that he keeps saying im in the wrong when i did try to get in contact with him 3 times during the month period but each time he fobbed me off, he never made any effort to contact me but apparantly im in the wrong. he messes with my head too, been fine when i had no contact but only spoken to him for half an hour today and iv been crying all night.

i also know that he is a drug user and a drug dealer, he says hes dealing to get money for the baby D; and he goes out every night with his friends whereas i stay in all the time to try and save as much money as possible, i do not think he will be a good dad, i think he will get bored, just like he seemed to get bored of me being pregnant. i dont want him to see his son/daughter for a few weeks/months and then get bored and not see him after that, its not fair.

if i just cut all contact now and basically get someone to let him know when the baby's born what could he do? if he took me to court for custody surely the courts would side with me because of his criminal history and history of substance abuse and dealing?

i don't want him to be a part of my life too, when he was talking to me before he seemed more interested in trying to upset me then talk about the baby, i don't want that all my life D;

any advice would be good, thank you

 

[Laniinthesky]

Hey girl

Im so sorry to hear your FOB's being a total ass. It must be awefull.
From the way you put it its clear hes being really abusive to you emotionally, its not fair on you at all. And the fact he's dealing and taking drugs isnt good for you to be involved with him it seems. i think you just need to think about LO and decide whether you want this guy aaround the way he is.

And yeah i think your right about the courts. i wouldnt worry about that so much now.

I hope you have a healthy pregnancy xxx

 

[Campbell]

Hey girl!

Wow what a jerk! Sounds really rough. I agree with what you are doing, shut him out, shut all his abusive-ness out.

I actually do suggest keeping contact with his mother, I know my heart would break if I had a grandchild I couldn't see cause my son/daughter was a dumb jerk.

The thing about the courts, let me tell you straight up, there is NO NO NO NO NO way that a court would take a child/baby/etc. from it's mother and put it into the custody of a drug dealer/criminal record person. My mom is in social services, she agrees. They almost never take kids from there moms, let alone put them into criminals houses.

Good luck with your pregnancy! Make sure you keep stress off that little baby!

 

[stephanie20]

thanks both of you
i think i will cut all contact with him and just wait for him to take me to court, i don't think he'd win, i have messages on facebook from when hes said stuff like "i don't wanna see you and your baby anymore anyway"
and i want to keep contact with his family, i know its not fair on them but everytime i'v confided in his mum she always tells him and i think if i let her see it she'd let him see it :/
i know he wouldn't get full custody but if he went to court do you think he'd get supervised visits etc?

 

[LilMommy]

he might get supervised visits but thats like the most the asshole seems like he'd get, i'm so upset just reading your story because its SO much like mine its heartbreaking. You should definitely leave him and if he wants to take you to court then so be it because he will definitely lose. Good luck darling and don't let him stress you out because its not good for you or your LO

 

[stephanie20]

awww lilmommy, i'm sorry you went through something so similar
i hope if he gets some access its supervised because then i won't have to see him again D;

i won't get stressed out, i'm not gonna talk to him again and when i wasn't talking to him i was back to my old self lol

 

[LilMommy]

yeah don't worry my name is Keiara btw. And yeah my FOB was . I cut all ties with him and only stay in contact with him through his brother

Here's my topic on what happened: https://www.babyandbump.com/teen-pregnancy/735025-my-oh-out-control.html

 

[stephanie20]

errr just read it, why are most men so immature? :/

its like my FOB wanted this child and now i'm pregnant he acts like this, i'v seen lads that have gotten a girl pregnant from a one night stand and been more supportive than hes being :/ don't understand how he can act this way to the mother of his child and expect me to just let him see the baby whenever he wants and basically do whatever he wants.

i'd love to cut all contact but i don't know what he'd do when he realises i don't want to talk to him, whether he'd take me to court, i know i'd probably win but i want my first few months with LO to be stress free lol

 

[LilMommy]

how about getting a restraining order before or after he takes you to court?

 

[stephanie20]

i was thinking about doing that because of some of the threats hes said and stuff, if i did that it wouldn't look good in court too when he tries to go for custody?

 

[LilMommy]

yeah thats exactly what i was thinking write down everything he's said to you and all the stuff he did that way you can use it against him in court and tell them that you are feel unsafe around him and it causes too much stress worrying about your safety when you are pregnant and then you can use the restraining order on him in court for custody.

 

[NewMommy17]

Honestly hes a typical jerk, im sorry your going through this. I went through a similar situation like this in the past with my FOB treating me mean because he was unhappy OF my Lo and my pregnancy for the first 3-4 months . But he eventually got over it . I think its best for you to stay far away from him through your pregnancy and until he changes hopefully he will then should be able to be in your LOs one life if his attitude changes , but all the stress hes putting you through and changes you definitely don't need it at this happy time in your life .

 

[stephanie20]

i think i will try and get a restraining order, thanks keira

awww i will let him see the baby if he changes but at the moment i don't think he deserves it, hes acting like this to me and then thinks he can do whatever he wants when its born, its not right. he wants to be there at the birth too but after what he did at the first scan i don't need that kind of stress when i'm already gonna be stressed :/ lol, i have my next scan next week and i'v asked him to come along to that but he knows if he doesn't turn up or if he acts like he did at the first one i will stop contact then

 

[Elizax]

if his name isn't on the birth certificate then he has no rights anyway I think

 

[Gee123]

What an arse!! Made me so mad...
Hey btw I'm Georgia
I'm sorry you had to go thro that. It sounds to me like he doesn't deserve to be involved,i deffo wouldnt let him. He thinks he has all the power so show him whos boss by blocking him out 4 good youve gave him enuff chances already. Please dont let him ruin this for you. xxx

 

[stephanie20]

yeah i thought that eliza but then if he does a DNA test it'll show hes the dad and then he has to be put on the birth certificate....ughh D;

hi georgia i know, he really doesn't deserve to be involved, i think i will block him out, just don't want him taking me to court or anything D: lol

 

[Desi's_lost]

Vietnam? LMAO what does this idiot think, its the 70's and he's in America...ooooo kay then.

I'm sorry he's just an ass. Emotionally abusive people can be sooo hard to get away from so you've done such a good job leaving him. I bet he'll get bored of bothering you soon enough and fuck off!

 

[stephanie20]

LOL i know thats what i thought when he first said it, was like okayyy and then just never spoke about it again lol. but he was always like oh i'v killed children i need to have one with you to make up for it :'( wtf lol

i hope he does lol

 

[xx~Lor~xx]

I'm so sorry he's being such an a*se! You need to think about you and the baby for now so I think it's right to cut off contact so you don't get stressed and upset. You need to look after yourself!

Keep anything he says to you, sends to you, keep records of what he does etc etc. If he did ever take you to caught, you'll have proof of what kind of a person he is etc and he would likely only get supervised visits (if that!)