Really need sleep advice

[Eleanor ace]

I could really do with some advice. I know most of us are sleep deprived and I hate writing a moany thread but I seriously need some advice! I have a few friends who have babies but they all formula feed and just tell me how much easier life would be if I switch.

DD is 6 months old. She's been on solids for 3 weeks and in her own room for 2 weeks. She has reflux but it's well controlled by medication and you wouldn't even know she had it now. She's a very snacky nurser, especially during the day. She naps in the day but only by feeding to sleep and then sleeping on me. She wakes if I put her down.

She's never been a great sleeper but has been OK (imo). Until about 5 weeks ago she was waking hourly, feeding and then falling asleep and I would put her in her cot. Then her sleep got bad and she started waking every 15-20 minutes and nothing would soothe her except nursing. It was hard as my DS (2) wakes a couple of times a night too and then gets up at 6ish so I was feeling very tired.
I started giving DD a bottle of formula a week ago, one feed before bed. The first night she slept 5 hours in a row , it felt amazing. Because she slept for longer she had a proper feed when she woke up and my boobs felt great, like they were getting emptied properly. She fed better the next day too and had an hours nap, in her cot, which has never happened. But after a couple of days she refused the bottle. We've been trying still but she won't take it (we have a few different bottles, breast flow ones and one regular one).

Then a few days ago she started refusing to go in her cot, she'd wake up as soon as I put her in or if I put her in awake she'd cry straight away. She has been feeding for 1-3 hours, falling asleep and then waking when put in her cot and nothing settles her bar a feed. In the last 2 nights I've had less than 2 hours broken sleep and I'm so tired. My nipples are so sore from her constant feeding, they are cracked and bleeding.

DH wants to switch to formula feeding so that he can feed her while I get some sleep. My HV wants us to do controlled crying. I don't want to do CC, and even if we did it would wake my DS (his room is basically opposite DD's) and then he'd be awake for hours and try to wake DD up if she fell asleep.
I want to breastfeed for another 6 months minimum but my resolve is weakening- the thought that she might go back to hourly feeds or sleep even longer is so tantalising, and I know that even if she didn't sleep better my DH could take over the feeds for a few hours and I could sleep. I feel so so selfish considering putting my need for sleep over breastfeeding DD, I know breast feeding is best for her. But I'm finding it a struggle to meet DD and DS's needs (I really can't stress how energetic my DS is ), get my work done (I work from home) and not be a grump to my DH!
We were co-sleeping part time but I can't do it any more, I can't sleep with her in the bed so I just lie there all night feeling more and more stressed.

Can anyone advise whether there is anything I can do other than CC or switching to formula? Please.

 

[justkitty]

Whether people like it or bot babies learn very early how to get what they want. I am not afan of cc but many of my frfriends have used it and my sister used it for her one year old. There are gentler methods. Clearly she isn't hungry every 20 mins so I'd try deciding how often you are happy to feed her eg hourly, 2hhourly and send dh in for a couple of nights to calm her in between. You need to teach her to sleep better so think of it as helping her. You need sleep for your sanity. You could preserve with ff too and not offer boob at that feed time.

 

[Eleanor ace]

Thanks for your response justkitty. You're definitely right, I do need to get her to go longer between feeds. I go to bed each night resolved to only feed her hourly, or even two hourly (as I know she should be able to go that long) but in the night when she screams at anything else I try I always waver, I feel so mean and so tired and I just give in . I'm going to really try to stick to it tonight!

 

[justkitty]

Does your husband work weekends? maybe wait until when he has that break from work so he can stay up in the night to help you so you don't feel bad about him being too tired. It's so tough but its easier now than a few monthsdown the line when they are even more aware. Its tough ggoing post up on here in the night and when I'mawake I can prprovide some moral support or someone to rant at!

 

[Eleanor ace]

Ah thank you, that's so kind . DH has weekends off, so maybe next weekend would be the time to do it. He gets stressed easily when DD cries though and that makes me stressed... but he'll just have to suck it up

 

[cat_reversing]

pump and make a stash then hand over to dh and have a sleep!!
imo don't cc or ff, persevere it will get better!!

 

[justkitty]

He needs to help you and your child. He may find a new way to comfort & settle baby that won't involve boob that you can adopt.

 

[justkitty]

Ps it can take baby several days and even weeks to adjust to daddy doing comfort & mummy milk. Your dh needs to commit with you so you are a team. He must understand that once yu start this you follow through otherwise baby gets confused. I bet within a week he will sleep longer chunks.

 

[Eleanor ace]

Pumping isn't an option as it takes me so long to get any milk . It takes me a couple of hours to get 1.5oz. But I'm OK with DD having dome formula, we just have to get her to take a bottle again! She's taken one twice, but now she refuses. I have to spend the day away from her on Thursday for work and I'm panicking about whether she'll take any milk from the bottle. Argh.

DH is great, he gets up with DS in the morning so I can sleep if DD is asleep (back when she used to sleep ) and is so hands on when he's home, he's just not great with DD crying . He's been helping me with DD tonight though, just rocking her and walking with her for an hour. I gave in after that as she was just so upset. She fed for a couple of minutes then fell asleep and has been asleep for almost an hour now. Feeling pretty bad about it

 

[justkitty]

Don't feel bad mumma. You are doing a great job. It's hard but lo just needs some new techniques to soothe to sleep.Have you looked at the no cry sleep solution?

 

[Skittleblue]

I have nothing helpful on the sleep, but I wouldn't worry too much about whether she'll take milk while you're away. My dd won't take a bottle from me. If I'm there, she expects the boob, but if not, a bottle is fine. Have you tried having dh give it to her while you're out of the room?