Really need some honest advice.............how would u feel??

[wannabmum]

**UPDATED PG2 **This will be quite long post I'm afraid sorry but really could do with support...............

Here it goes I have an older sister that I have no contact with to say she is 'unhinged' is an understatement she really is very evil and it is hard for outside people to understand, there are many reasons I don't have contact, one of which is she sexually abused me frm age 4 to age 12 she also is always making up lies and ruining peoples life to attention seek & the final nail on the coffin so to speak was nearly 3 years ago she stabbed my mums fiancee several times with kitchen knife u know the one the size down frm butcher knife, my mum sum how managed to get the charges dropped wtf?? Anyway she has 3 kids 2 of which are twins I brought them all up for pretty much first year of there life whilst she done what she wanted, when the incedent first happened with my mums fiancee the kids were taken off her and placed with my mum but she now has them bk which tbh I'm not at all happy about there is social work involvment but I really worry for there saftey. Anyway to the point she does NOT want anymore kids and has asked to be sterelised but the hospital wouldn't as she doesn't have a partner and mite change her mind however I have found out tonight she is pregnant again my mum has known but because of our probs didn't want to tell me, she thought she was some time ago but had some bleeding and just asumed she had lost the baby they suspect her to be around 26 weeks but she has not yet had a scan so docs are getting her emerg appoint to find out how far if poss she wants a termination but they think she 2 far along otherwise she wants bby in care or adoption, she has bn drinking allot throught the preg and taking drugs (speed as far as I know) this is known to doctor but if she doesn't get the termanation I really would like to have the baby and bring it up as our own in a loving stable enviroment wheather she would let me or not I'm not sure as she so off the wall and loves hurting people but I'm unsure as to wheather there would be something I can do even if she isn't for it what do u guys think.....?

Sorry if this sounds rambled, its just so unfair people like her that should never have kids fall preg so easily whilst we are all in this situation

xxx

 

[miel]

so sorry sweetie ...

if you did get the baby you will have to make sure everything is done legally so she can not ask for him or her back. don't take the baby with out any legal proof of adoption ...

 

[DaisyDuke]

Gosh i have no idea, i really hope u could officialy adopt this baby and give it the home he or she deserves, sorry i cant help

 

[maz]

my goodness - what a terrible situation. I guess if you do decide to take the baby on as your own, you definitely need to get it all done legally and above board so that she can't change her mind in a few year's time. That's not an easy decision for you to make - especially at a time like now ...

Good luck with whatever happens ...

 

[tansey]

I'm so sorry for what you and your family have been through hun!
I don't know if you would be able to do it all legally and from the sounds of it she would probably play games with you and cause you a lot more heart ache.
If she can't have an abortion maybe keep an eye on her and see if you can put it to her at the last minute if possible so that she doesn't have too long to change her mind etc.
I would stick with your plan for now and see how this all plays out.
BUT only you and OH can decide what you want to do.
You poor thing with all this on your plate!

 

[HAYS]

I dont really know what to say hun, legally if you can bring up the baby, that would be lovely, and i wish you luck but it sounds like your sister might not let you.
Sorry you've had such a rough time

 

[Mrs R]

Hi hun,

I hope I can help as this is what I work at. Technically yes, u can get parental responsibility for ur niece/nephew but it is a long and complicated process and may not turn out how u want.

If ur sister does decide to have the baby, but does not want to keep it and u do, u need to speak to the social worker asap. If ur sister agrees that u can care for the child, u can be assessed as a suitable carer for a kinship placement. But this assessment takes time and involves police checks (which from my experience take some time).

Even if ur sister does not agree to u caring for the baby, but she does not want to keep it, or the child is removed from her care, it is always preferable to place the child with family until long-term care is arranged. This would also require an assessment etc.


If the child is placed with u, u can become long-term foster carers. And if ur sister does not want the child to be rehabilitated back to her, or she is deemed totally unsuitable to care for the child long-term, a Freeing Order can be sought (a legal order to free the child from the parents responsibility in order to be adopted by someone else). This is where u could persue adoption, if all other factors go to plan.

This is a very short version of the process, and it can become very complicated and is rarely this straight forward. But it is possible for u to adopt ur niece or nephew. Just make sure u think it through, get a good social worker and an even better solicitor!!!

Im aware ur in Scotland so the law may be a bit different there, but it'll be a similar process. I hope this helps x

 

[latestarter]

Wow. I'm sorry about everything you have gone through. And your sister is very lucky to have you - someone so willing to step in and take on responsibilities that ought to be hers. You are a very giving person.

I'm sure that once you start checking out your options, and the processes that will make your decision much easier. I agree with the other posters, that whatever you decide to do, make sure that you go through whatever form of formal legal process is available in your jurisdiction. What you don't want is your sister changing her mind, and with no warning, showing up on your doorstep to pick up the child.

Good luck with everything. And... one step at a time will help you through.

 

[wannabmum]

Thanks girls for reading and the advice, I really would want everything done formally, I really would want the bby with us but my only reservation is that even if was legaly done my sis don't know where I live as I don't trust her not to do something to hurt my animals (sounds extreme I know but it the type of person she is unfortunatly) and although I really want to be the one to be there for the child there is apart of me that wonders if the baby would be better away altogether for their sake just so my sis isn't messing with its head, as I said I would want to legaly become parent for the baby and my sis don't know where I live but what if she finds out??? What do I do with regard to telling bby where came from?? Do I let know she's bialogical mother?? If so what if bby wants contact she start messing with his/her head. I would take this child as my own in a heartbeat by just need to make sure this would also be the right decision for him/her if u know what I mean.


xxxxxxx

 

[Mynxie]

I dunno where I heard it, but I'm sure that SS prefers if at possible etc, for a child to stay with family even if it isn't their natural parents that bring them up - I could be wrong though. - I hope things work out in your favour sweetie

 

[Omi]

Hiya,

i just wanted to chime in on the adoption thing. I work in social services although not as a social worker and not in children & families. However, i do know that whenever a child is taken from its mother/father SWS do try to place the child within the family as this obviously benefits the child. You would intially care for the child, as in fostering and depending on the order given/taken you might be able to adopt it. How this happens etc would depend to a certain degree on whether she would be deemed a fit parent because if she's not an order would be put in place and she would not be able to leave the hospital with the baby. It wouldnt matter at this point whether she would agree to this or even agree to you having the child. Social work would decide this together with hospital staff etc etc.

As she currently has her other children its impossible to say whether SWS might be able to get a protection order on the new baby however, you never know if it is established she both drank and used speed during the pregnancy.

You have to contact the social work department asap, as suggested above by Mrs R, and tell them that you know, that she wants to give up the baby and that you would like to care for it. Even if its just caring/fostering at the moment her own future behaviour regarding this child will depend on whether you will have an easy way of adopting it or not. I.e. if she doesnt show up for visitation etc would count against her and you would be more likely to get an adoption order put in place.

Anywhoo...ive gone on a bit..but i hope it helps a wee bit. I really empathise with your situation and well done you for growing strong from your past!!

, Omi xxx

 

[wannabmum]

Thanks for all info girls

What I'm going to do is wait 4 her getting scan, she is ment to be gettin emergency one so should be sum time this week as my mum said she is still determened to have abortion if possible (but my mum and she thinks she is to far on) then if she isn't able to go ahead with that I am going to contact SS get ball rolling, Will keep u all updated.

xxxx

 

[maz]

I'm sure everything will work out for the best for you... try not to worry about it too much at the moment - concentrate on getting through the next few hectic weeks and look after yourself