really, really need help

[Cheyby]

For those of you who are going to have issues with me because I'm 16 weeks and still never told my parents, you'll soon understand why.

Well, I went to the school counselor to see if she could help me go for a scan because I'm already 15 weeks (well at the time) and still had no prenatal care at all and I needed to go for a scan as I had none of those either. She said she would make an appointment but instead, without telling me, last Thursday, called my mom and said, "Do you know your daughter is pregnant?" My mother had not suspected a thing. She waited for my dad to leave the house, which only happened on Saturday. She pulls out a pregnancy test and says I need to go take it. So I do and after 23 seconds, it showed positive (what a surprise, the test said it needed 4 minutes to show results....anyways) I took it to her and left. Later that day, we spoke and she said she would be supportive and she'll be there for me.

Yesterday (Tuesday) she said to me that she needs to tell my dad because as it is, he was going to be angry at her for not telling him sooner. She told him, he called me into the room and said I need to have an abortion. My mom doesn't want this but he tried to force her to have an abortion with me too. but anyways she phoned the abortion clinic in our area. Apparently, abortion in my country is legal until 26 weeks.

I am flat out refusing to do it and I know the age for medical consent in my country is 13 so I am fine there, too but I am honestly so, so terrified. I can't stop crying, I can't think about anything except my baby and how much I love him/her. OH hasn't spoken to me since Saturday- when I told him that my mom found out. He's been reading my messages and when I try call, he doesn't pick up. I am honestly just feeling so alone and if it weren't for the baby, I feel like I would be commiting suicide right now instead of writing here.

I've tried talking to my parents but my mom is too scared of my dad to do anything and he just tells me to eff off. I honestly don't know what to do anymore.

 

[Ashleii15]

I hate when parents get 'scared' of the opposite one, I have had that happen and it is just really hard.
I am hoping the best for your LO, I didn't tell my parents until I was 7 months with my first! Didn't have my first scan until about 28 weeks! No prenatal care before I told my parents either, and my son is healthy! So I hope the same for yours!
As for your father, I know it's hard to do differently from what your parents wishes are, but they need to realize that this is YOUR child NOT THEIRS, it is their grandchild, but you are the mother and that's your child. They should be putting you through that, and they shouldn't be telling you to abort your baby (your father at least). I am glad your mother is supportive, my mom was too, just of course upset and shocked at first.
Please message me if you need anything, always here for you!
My name is Ashley, btw

 

[LapinRose]

It's your choice. Honestly, I would keep it if I felt the same as you. If you love your baby and you get rid of it you'll regret it for the rest of your life. Just keep that in mind. I hope everything turns out for you.

 

[skyesmom]

your dad might come around later as he obviously did come around for you. and yes, it is your decision and you have the legal age for it, so stick with it especially if you love your baby so so so much and you are so much attached to it. don't cave in to your dad's pressure, because it's likely you'll end up hating him for the rest of your life, and he'll regret it too.

your oh is still under shock obviously but give him a couple of days and he'll come around too. men are sometimes way more scared and freaked out by pregnancy than women are.

lean on your mom, and maybe you know, this is her chance to learn to stand up for herself. because she may not have had the courage so far to step up for herself alone towards your dad, but you are her baby and she might find some courage and strength to do it for you, like you are doing it for your LO.

 

[mstennischick]

that's a disgusting response from your father. btw, i understand that it doesn't seem bad to have an abortion at 8 week or whatever because they baby is still so tiny but at 16 weeks, you are in your second trimester, that baby is bigger and is kicking around in there like a real live baby. She may be smaller than a full term baby, but she is still a baby in there!! You will fill her/him kick in the next couple of weeks, maybe in the next couple of days. When I first told my parents, they both cried. In just a few short weeks they got over it. I am now 36 weeks and they couldn't be more excited. Both of them wrapped up presents for her and put them under the tree and labeled them from grandma and grandpa, it was the greatest thing ever. The point is they are your parents and they love you no matter what. They will support you too, it may just take a little bit to kick in. as for you guidance counselor, i think maybe you should tell the principal or something. that is awful of her and she deserves to be fired. although i think it is good that your parents finally know. you need to get the prenatal care that little baby deserves! good luck. I promise you this journey is 100 percent worth it. there is no greater love than the love a mother has for her child. As much as you think you love that little one now, it only get stronger and stronger. Prayers sent your way! Good luck and congratulations!

 

[Megloves]

I wish I could give more help in Re: your parents, but I do have some experience with the FOB situation. My OH when he found out I was pregnant, and after I told my parents actually, went through these periods where he just needed to step back and process it all. Telling people makes it more real, you know? and he probably thinks that your parents will tell his parents and then he will have to face the truth again. its a lot to process. I'm gonna be really cliched here, but they say a woman becomes a mother when she gets pregnant, and a man becomes a father when he holds his child for the first time. He will get better. Hope all goes well with everything.

 

[Wonderlust18]

Well if your dad doesn't know there is a real baby in there. This was my baby at 13 weeks. It's your choice, not his. You would have to deal with the guilt or whatever it is you would feel if you were to get an abortion. He'll come around eventually as I'm sure he did when your mom was pregnant. Men don't really feel a strong connection with baby's that women do until they're born. I'm sure he'll fall in love once he sees his grandchild, after all it is family. Don't base your decision off or your father. You have to do what you feel is best for you. If you need to talk feel free to message me

Oh and my sister didn't tell my mother about being
Pregnant until she was 20+ weeks and my niece is as beautiful, smart, and healthy as ever. However I will still suggest to go ahead and schedule an appointment soon if you plan on keep the baby. Good luck love. *hugs*

 

[xforuiholdonx]

I dont think that in any country after 14 weeks, abortion is legal, ubless its deemed medically necessary so youre really fine.
Im sorry your father reacted thisvway. Give him some time to cool off

As for a doctor, call a doctors office, and go get checked out hun! If youre in the US, just call someone our of the phone book, or someone your friends/family has gone too. Its important for your health, and babies.

One last thing....I dont feel it was your guidance counslors place to go ahead and call your mom! I.believe they can get in trouble for that.

 

[skyesmom]

i gotta second the pp on the councilor matter! it wasn't the right way to act and what she could have done instead of this was maybe calling your mom in for a talk at school together with you and face it like that... or just get you some prenatal care and then talking to you on how to address your parents yourself!!

you should tell this to the principal or whoever runs your school, as this is not a way to help students at all, and that is what she is there for!

 

[mstennischick]

yeah with pp^^ i found out the sex of my baby at 14 weeks. We saw all of her little fingers and her little legs kicking about

 

[MiSS.M0MMY2BE]

Stand your ground chickadee. No one can make you do anything you don't want to. Your parents will come around sooner or later and once they do I'm sure they'll be excited to be grandparents. And also, I agree about your councilor. She was definitely out of line. I would be informing a higher up.

 

[Caitie44]

I didn't tell my mom until I was about 18 weeks pregnant, and the rest of my family until after I found out the gender at 21 weeks (also my first u/s so I understand your guilt). So I completely understand where you're coming from when you didn't tell them. As far as your counselor goes, while she may have thought she was doing you a great service by telling them for you, that was 100% not her place. I'd take the issue directly to her, tell her how you feel (politely) and see what she says. Unfortunately I don't feel as if the principal would do anything for you, let alone fire her... That's how it is where I live, anyway. When I was fifteen, there was a rumor going around I was pregnant (I wasn't), my counselor overheard someone gossiping about it, and before she could even confront me about it she called my mom to inform her I was expecting. Talk about a surprise when I got home... I went to the principal and superintendent about it, and they said nothing would be done because "she was doing it in my best interest".

Your dad's reaction was pretty horrible, but as PPs said, this is your decision, not his. Don't let him influence your decision. You seem pretty intent on having this baby, and that's great - keep that in mind, because if he's already pushing for an abortion, he might very well do the same for awhile. I do believe he'll come around eventually - probably when he sees an ultrasound, or can label baby with a certain gender. Same with your OH, I hope. My boyfriend was a little on the fence about the whole pregnancy until he found out he was going to be having a little girl.

I really hope things start to look up for you, and your mom learns to stand her ground. Be strong, and if you ever need to talk, feel free to PM me!

 

[cookette]

Im in shock over the counselor part of this. I dont know how it works in schools, but in the medical clinics you can see prenatal treatment no matter what your age and they CANNOT tell your parent without your consent! Doesnt matter if you're 14 and the parent comes in with you and demands to be told, they cannot release that information without you saying so. Someone needs to severly reprimand that counselor, what atrocious behavior!!

 

[Cheyby]

Hey guys, I wish I could say I have positive updates on the situation but I can't say that I do. but thanks for all the support, it is greatly appreciated)

As for the school counselor, I'm so glad so many people see the problem in that, I think my mom was also shocked that she didn't even give me a heads up to say that she would be calling my mom. Nothing will be done about it, at my school, they will probably find a way to blame me for it. And even if that wasn't the case, pregnant learners at my school get treated outright like shit. Excuse my language but there is a pregnancy policy you have to sign once you are pregnant to basically agree to their ridiculous rules. 1) I go to an all girls school 2) it is not a private school so i dont know why they act like this and 3) we wear uniforms.
These are the shocking points that i can't believe (I only got given the policy today)
A learner will not be allowed to write and will receive zero for any tests or exams that are being written while she is on maternity leave- This is compulsory; one month before the due date and one month after the baby is born. (I'm sorry I'm a straight A student and I'm not even allowed to keep my grades up?)
Pregnant learners are to wear blazers at all times. (OMFG IT IS SUMMER!!! AND AROUND 35 DEGREES CELSIUS EVERY DAY!!! -around 100degrees Fahrenheit- THAT CAN'T BE HEALTHY FOR ME OR THE BABY)
No baby photos are allowed and school. They will be confiscated and not returned.
Oh hahaha the funny one, No learner may bring her baby to school at any time. Hahahaha why would someone do that, the school is horrible

Sorry i just had to rant. They truly are ridiculous. Honestly.

 

[cookette]

I'm sorry if this is nosy, but can I ask what country your in? Those policies seem quite odd!!

 

[mstennischick]

yeah you need to switch schools...i live in America and it's actually the LAW to give pregnant students leave and extended due dates and other things of the sort. this sounds like some kind of rules and a religion run men dominated country (no offense) i don't know if that's just the laws of your state or if your school is completely the worst school ever made. you need to switch. education is important especially if you are going to support this little one as you guys get older.

 

[skyesmom]

^^ i agree!! switch schools!!!

 

[x__amour]

I'm so sorry you don't have a greater support system. Very surprised by your counselor. Don't let anyone force you to do anything.

 

[Caitie44]

Those are very strange rules... Seems like they're ashamed to have pregnant girls attending there. I'd definitely switch schools. You're completely right in having your grades be a top priority - I think it's absolutely ridiculous they wouldn't want you to keep your GPA. I'm actually in shock over that lol.

Sorry about your counselor as well. Like I said before, it's pretty similar in my school. They see it as the student's fault / a courtesy to the student. Stupid.

 

[Cheyby]

I live in South Africa. These policies aren't set by the local departments, our school is just doing their own thing.
This year is pretty much my final year at school (our years run from January through November/Early December) and luckily I am due around about the middle of the 6 week long Winter holidays (June/July). So it's not too much time away from school.
Everyone in their final year in the country writes an external set of exams in October/November. Which counts on your graduation certificate. So it's not that much of a set back but the other tests and exams count for term marks and I was in line to get a bursary, now the school wants to even withdraw my name from the selection.
Anyways, our entire country is pretty much ridiculous but let's not get into politics. I just know that when I'm older, have my degree and enough experience, I'll be emigrating to... well I'm not sure where yet, just somewhere better so that baby and I can have a better life and baby can have a better future.