Really sad emotional rant

[red_head]

I've had a really awful day, I'm really tired and emotional and have had a really horrible experience during the day with a true ly horrible person so excuse me because I'm just really bleugh and sad. I'm also due any time this week so that's not helping anything (and may possibly be pregnant although it's incredibly unlikely).
Anyway just accident watched one of those cute lovely videos of the husband finding out the wife is pregnant on Facebook (my husband's not mine as I deleted mine fed up with baby photos and sad news etc) and now I'm balling my eyes out because I'm never going to have that. We will never have that lovely happy moment now. Three miscarriages in and every hint of line just brings nerves and fear, I don't think I'll ever have the confidence to be calm and happy and tell my husband and get a nice reaction, because I have this immediate feeling of dread and so far it's been completely accurate. I'm about 11dpo and have a faint line so I know if it's real and not an evap things are developing too slowly and it'll end in tears and I showed my husband and he just said I'm really sorry rather than being happy and it breaks my heart.
Honestly this is all just too sad. I wish I had a magic thing that would just let me know if it's ever going to be okay, or would just let me stop now because I don't know how much more I can take x

 

[darkriver]

 

[MKaykes]

Sorry red, I can't imagine what that would feel like. I hope you guys get some joy soon!

 

[Dill]

11dpo with a faint line doesn't necessarily mean it's another MC in the works. Plenty of women don't even get any line whatsoever until after AF is due. I would suggest that if you are prone to MCs, that you consider not testing until after you've missed AF... that way you don't pick up on an early pregnancy that might end up being chemical.

I've had 6 MCs, myself, so I understand how stressful it is and how hard it can be to be happy when you see that double line. It took months of my pregnancy with DS to finally stop waiting for disaster to strike.

Fingers crossed that you've got a sticky bean in there this cycle!

 

[red_head]

AF has got me.
Full I know you are right about not testing, and I have tried that before, but honestly I think I'd rather know that not know! And because I have always had quite a long cycle (generally AF at least two weeks after ovulation) if I don't test early and wait, I get my hope up more if it's positive - if I get a late BFP I know it'll end in miscarriage so I don't get my hopes up. If I wait and get one, I don't know what will happen,whether things are okay, I don't know if I can be happy, so it hurt more when it ended.
Anyway, I think like last month this must be bad tests, so I'm just going to hope this month is our month, and when I go back to the clinic I'm going to push for more testing into things like our genetics etc.
Thanks for your support
X

 

[Dill]

Have you had your hormones tested, especially progesterone? That could provide some pretty major insight as to the potential cause of your issues.

I'm so sorry that this happened again. Hopefully you're right and it's just a bad batch of tests. That can happen sometimes!

 

[red_head]

Yes had lots of tests, other than the genetic stuff for miscarriages which is what I need to push for. Unexplained fertility is what they're going with at the moment used to have pcos although only cysts (hormones were fine even then). Had the 21 day progesterone test this month (after clomid) and it was 41.2 which they said was really good.

 

[Dill]

That is so frustrating! It does sound like the genetic testing is the next logical step to take.