Really scared!

[Littlebear11]

I'm a first time mom and I'll be 24 weeks on Monday. I'm getting super close to the third trimester and I'm freaking out. I'm terrified to give birth but I'm extremely exited to have my little boy here. Just the whole thought of it freaks me out. I know I'll be wanting the epidural since pain and me don't go well together, but I will be pushing it off as long as I can. But that adds another thing to be scared about. Plus everyone is scaring me! Why is it when people see someone that's pregnant they decide to tell me their horrible stories.

 

[Cewsbaby]

Im so sorry Littlebear! I can't tell you how many stories I know but thats because my mom work high risk pregnancies so I hear them all the time. It will be ok. Yes, its scary and I was scared before my DS was here but all I can tell you is that I was so focused on having him that all my fear went out the window. I also had an amazing support system. DH, mom and dad where in the room with me the entire time! I must say that my dad was a tiny bit uncomfortable but he was a trooper and stuck it out until it came to breastfeeding and the dilation checks. I think you will be ok. Just remember to breath and know that soon you will hold your beautiful baby in your arms. The fear is normal and I am sure when I am closer to having DS #2 I will start to freak out again too. Such is the life of a mom!

 

[Talia12]

The thing that helped me get over the impending birth fear was remembering it's one day. That's it. No hospital will let you be in proper labour for more than about 24 hours (probably a lot less if you're in the US), so just try to think of it as a period of time and don't focus too much on what will actually happen during that time. Childbirth can be very very painful of course, so I can't tell you it won't hurt (although for some women it's really not that bad!) but I can tell you for sure that it won't last long. I was in labour with my son for exactly 24 hours to the minute from when my waters broke to when he was born, with contractions for 22 of those hours, and even though I had an extremely long active labour it's still the blink of an eye looking back and in the grand scheme of things. So just keep reminding yourself it's just one day! You can handle that, no matter what happens within that time! You'll be looked after by medical staff and hopefully have your birth partner(s) there too, and it will be the most magical thing that's ever happened even if it's bloody (literally!) awful because you'll be bringing your little boy into the world

 

[Zephram]

Agree with Talia completely. It's one day of your life at most. I find ftms in particular reall focus on labour being the 'big deal' of having a baby, but it really isn't. It's one day - and then the work begins.

I know because I was just like that first time around - I focused so much on labour I barely thought about what comes after. As soon as labour is over, it doesn't matter any more. Yes, it hurts, yes things can go wrong, but for the majority of women it goes as predicted and is nothing really to get stressed about. Things went wrong for me both times, but we're still all standing and I'm doing it a third time so it can't have been that bad.

 

[Talia12]

Oh and on the epidural matter I'll just say, don't try to plan - baby has his own plan. And also may decide to change his plan halfway through. You can think about your preferences of course and if there's anything you definitely don't want but at the end of the day you'll do whatever the doctors/midwives tell you to because you know they will know best. I never thought I could have an epidural because I have really terrible needle phobia but I ended up having two (both failed....but at least it took my mind off things! Haha) You might find you don't end up asking for one. You could have a super fast labour and not have time. One friend of mine during my first pregnancy had recently had her first baby and rather than coming out with horror stories to scare me, she said "...it wasn't that bad!" Which was nice to hear haha. She said the hardest thing was the effort of it more than the pain. Just throwing it out there that some women don't have extremely painful labours. And the ones that do get over it very quickly

 

[Littlebear11]

Thank you everyone for the response! I never really thought of it just being one day. I can't wait to meet my son I'm just going to keep focusing on that to get me through all this.

 

[star25]

I felt the same as you with dd, until I was still pregnant at nearly 42 weeks then I just wanted to be in labour as soon as! I didn't have the easiest labour but it hasn't stopped me wanting to do it again as soon as I was ready haha, I loved it all and can't wait to do it again, you will be in expert hands and just ask for what pain relief you need, when you feel you need it
I managed with gas and air and then had morphine but all that done was make me sick which I suspected so will give that a miss this time!
Lots of luck for the rest of your pregnancy

 

[Littlebear11]

I felt the same as you with dd, until I was still pregnant at nearly 42 weeks then I just wanted to be in labour as soon as! I didn't have the easiest labour but it hasn't stopped me wanting to do it again as soon as I was ready haha, I loved it all and can't wait to do it again, you will be in expert hands and just ask for what pain relief you need, when you feel you need it
I managed with gas and air and then had morphine but all that done was make me sick which I suspected so will give that a miss this time!
Lots of luck for the rest of your pregnancy

I've started thinking about trying to do it all on gas and morphine but we will see how I feel in the moment. The days are going by so quick cause how scared I am. I just need to start focusing on just meeting him other than the pain.

 

[WackyMumof2]

You can never take someone else's experience (good or bad) until it's your turn. Every pregnancy and every labour and delivery is different. Maybe some anti-natal classes could benefit you to help you prepare. But as for the 'horror' stories everyone seems to enjoy giving first time mothers, ignore them. I personally find that really, really unfair. See, pregnancy, labour and birth never scared me even when I had my first baby in July of 2008 but not everyone is like me. Some woman are genuinely scared of the unknown as it's not something you can understand until you've been down that road. But check out You Tube and read as many positive birthing stories as you can. Hopefully that will help with your fears.

 

[laura109]

You will be absolutely fine. Labour is just half a day out your life maybee a max of a day or 2. It hurts and nobody looks forward to pain but it will be one of the best days of your life. I personally just dealt with it when it happened. I had gas & air and wanted an epidural but due to other emergancys there was nobody to give me one. Looking back im glad that I didn't have one as i was able to move about after the birth. But ive always said two things...

1. Dont listen to other people's horror stories. People love to scare you. I was told the first wee would be agony. It wasn't at all!!! I was told about tearing.., i was cut but it certainly didn't hurt in the way you would expect. You just go with it when it starts. I was induced so have no experience of natural labour, mine was intense but i look back and go all fuzzy.

Number 2. Dont overthink. Your body will let you know what it wants. Just breathe, take the pain relief you need, trust in your partner & midwife to support you. The time goes by like a blurr. My labour started at midnight. I remember looking at the clock at 3.30 and then next it was 6.32am and she was born.

Nothing beats the moment you see that beautiful baby you have waited 9 months for it truly is worth the labour. Just go with it xx

 

[Sarahcake]

I had a horrific first labour, one of which I won't go into the details of BUT here I am, with my second now not phased by it as in the grand scheme of things, it's one day and it's over you will be fine lovely, please try not to panic you'll just stress yourself and baby x

 

[Littlebear11]

Thank you everyone for the responses. Reading them is starting to make me feel so much better. I really can't wait to meet him which I believe will help me get through all this. I guess it can't be that bad, since people do have more kids after a horrible birth.

 

[worrying]

My friend had both her boys at home with no pain at all. She did hypno birthing and it was completely relaxed. With her youngest she watched a movie then paused it to push!

There will always be horror stories, but it's worth remembering that this is what our bodies are designed to do!

This one is my second and there are things that I would like to go differently this time, but I'm not afraid to do it again. Have a think about what makes you feel the most safe and relaxed and see how you can incorporate those things during labor and birth. Work on ways of refocusing yourself if you feel panicked or that things aren't in your control. The more calm you are, the easier it will be.

You can do this!

 

[sevenofnine]

I was induced with my first for pre-e, and it wasn't the horror story I'd expected! It all went so smoothly. It's hard to even take any story really seriously, because your own specific labor and delivery will not be the same as any story you've ever heard!

Also, remember that many people talk about traumatic births online because it's cathartic for them- and that it doesn't represent the thousands and thousands who have simple, smooth births but just don't talk about it.

 

[MindUtopia]

Don't be scared and don't think too much about other people's awful stories. The thing is when people have a great story, they don't often feel compelled to share it. My birth with my first was lovely, pretty easy, barely painful (you can read my birth story below if you want). I had a home birth and didn't need any pain relief. But it's not something I blurt out to everyone either because I don't feel like it's any of my business and it sounds a bit preachy honestly, though I'll gladly talk about it if people ask. Really as long as you prepare (can't recommend hypnotherapy enough) and go in with the right mindset and are calm, there's nothing to be scared of. Having done it once, I'm even more laidback about it all this time. So I would try not to let that stress you out too much. That said, honestly, giving birth is the easy bit. It's parenting bit that's hard! But with both, you'll do fine. You figure it out as you go.