Really struggling.....

Discussion in 'Baby Club' started by LPF, Jan 29, 2011.

  1. LPF

    LPF Well-Known Member

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    Lo is 10 weeks and I'm really struggling with 2 things:

    1. He's bf - takes about 7 feeds between 6am and 8pm and sleeps through til 6ish - he's often fed a lot and has put on a lot of weight (14lbs at 8 weeks) - he's often possetted a bit but lately, and it's getting worse he's vomiting huge amounts. Each time he feeds he cry, struggles, waves arms around and then when I take him off to wind he calms down, burps, then vomits so much that it soaks 2 muslins through and often hits the carpet....I'm having to change him constantly and he spits up a bit on everything until next feed - we were using infacol for wind but isn't helping the vomit. I can feed out as it's so stressful.

    2. Day naps - he sleeps so well at night but cannot do day naps. Every day is a rigeramole of jig g, walking, shhhing etc sometimes 2 hrs just to get 15 min nap. It gets worse as the day goes so tonight he's been awake since 4 (7.15 now) and screamed for 2.5 hrs...nothing works and in the end he just cries himself to the point of exhaustion.

    I dread every day and dh and I often don't eat at night or get to speak to each other at night over the screaming and I'm like a cripple from holding him so much.

    I'm really hating this at the moment and I may as well let him just CIO for all the good I do and I've tried everything but it's getting worse......
     
  2. Mrs Mayhem

    Mrs Mayhem Guest

    Aw hun, I can't help with the feeding thing as mine is a sicky baby and everything I have tried has not worked!!

    Are you taking it in turns to nurse him to sleep? We have to rock/hold/shhhhh/pat her to sleep every night and she is heavy too so I can definitely appreciate the pain!! Sometimes when it all gets too much I pop her in the pram and push her around the house a bit or up and down the garden!! She is only taking 30min naps at the minute where she used to have nice long naps, I guess they just go through these stages! :hugs:
     
  3. sjminimac

    sjminimac Well-Known Member

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    have you tried a baby carrier? The screaming and sicking up could be silent reflux in which case carrying your lo in an upright position will help and the carrier will take the weight x x
     
  4. jaybee

    jaybee Mum to Tobias & Alexander

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    Hi hon,
    First of, you are doing an amazing job in what sounds like a hard situation.

    I am not sure how much help I can be as my LO was not like this, however I have a couple of suggestions.

    With regards to the vomiting and the struggling with feeding. It sounds like it could be reflux. All to do with the flap at the bottom of the osophegous (SP?) not being mature enough, which causes stomach acid to go back up the osophpgeous.. Try keeping LO as upright as possible after feeding and maybe try feeding as upright as possible, which I understand is hard when you are BF.
    You might want to talk to the Dr or HV about this

    With regards to the naps... how long is he awake from one nap to another? I found at this age that Tobias could be awake for a MAX of an hour and half between naps. At 1 hour 10mins, I would calm things down and start the sleepy routine. Which at this time was rocking to sleep. If I left it any longer he was intolerable!
    If LO is not sleeping enough during the day, then they get overtired which makes things even worse!! it becomes a catch 22 situation.
    I was told once, that if LO rubs their eyes (not sure if yours has the co-ordination yet to show that sign) then it is already too late for the nap!

    I am sure you are aware that CIO is not recommend until 6 months. (however I used it at 5 months) HOWEVER. if you are finding the crying really hard, you are at the end of your tether and you know LO is fed, dry and warm then put him down somewhere safe. Walk away and have a cup of tea or anything. gather youself together and then go back. You might find this works wonders as you will now be calmer and LO will feel this. I know Tobias would get worse when I got more and more tense as the crying went on.
    THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH THIS.

    the sleeping honestly sounds like he is overtired, so I strongly recommend working on those day naps. The other possibility is Colic, however again I have no experience of this, but hopefully one of the other ladies can help.

    I hope that I have been able to help in someway, and just remember IT IS JUST A PHASE and it will end, I promise.
    Sending you big hugs. xxxx
     
  5. kaylz

    kaylz Well-Known Member

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    It sounds like a nightmare! I would suggest a couple of things

    Can he self-settle at all? If he always relies on 'props' to get to sleep (shushing, rocking, patting, dummy etc) then it makes settling and re-settling harder. Anything that you can do to reduce his reliance on these should help calm things down in the longer term.

    2) Does he ever sleep in the buggy/car when he's in motion? I know it's not ideal as you can't rest yourself/get stuff done in the house, but once he gets used to sleeping at certain times of the day, he should then get better at going down for naps at more regular times in other situations too rather than you always having to rock him.

    3) Could you try putting him to bed earlier? Sometimes my LO cries from 4pm onwards becasue he is overtired and just needs to sleep. I would suggest you gradually try an earlier bedtime (bring it forward for say 15 mins each day and see how you get on)

    4) At his age, the max 'awake time' he can probably manage is about 90 mins I would guess - any longer than that and he is likely to go into meltdown because he's overtired. I would try just putting him down for naps roughly 90 mins after he wakes and then use a technique like PUPD to see if you can get him to settle

    Sorry cant think of much else - the vomiting sounds like it could be reflux. My LO does this if he isn't winded enough but not often so maybe your GP could prescribe Infant Gaviscon or something to help?
     
  6. stardust599

    stardust599 Well-Known Member

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    it does sound like reflux, others have given great tips so i won't go into it but come along to our reflux help and support thread if you want some advice and moral support! one thing i will mention is don't use infacol as it relaxes the valve at the top of the stomach and makes reflux worse. use gripe water instead.

    xx
     
  7. LPF

    LPF Well-Known Member

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    He doesn't seem fazed by the vomiting at all but I guess it could be reflux, ill talk to hv about it. I always keep him upright after feeds anyway because he vomits so much but sadly he hates the carrier....

    I can spot his tired signals really easily and try to wind him down but nothing works or if it does it doesn't seem to work the next time. I know he's over tired but I don't know what else to try. When I do manage to get him to sleep whatever position he drops off in I can't flinch in or he wakes. It's so painful I know I can't go on for much longer but I've no idea how to teach him to sleep lie they tell you too.....

    I'm feeling really sorry for myself today. On top of the hrs of screaming the boiler has broken so we have no heating and I haven't managed to eat any dinner again but I just feel sick from all the kicking and screaming....I'm just so tired of it all.....
     
  8. LPF

    LPF Well-Known Member

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    Ps thanks for all the king words!
     
  9. jaybee

    jaybee Mum to Tobias & Alexander

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    Do you have any family that take LO for a few hours and let you have a break? It sounds like you are having a hard time and I am so sorry to hear it.
    The screaming does sound like it could be colic, but as I said I can't be any more help than that.
    Do go to the Dr and see what they have to say, and if ur dr is not sympathtic then ask to see someone else.
    xxx
     
  10. Lena

    Lena Guest

    Big hugs! :hugs: My LO was exactly the same with regards to the crying. It is soooooo hard. Nothing prepares you. No suggestions because what has been said already is good advice but just wanted to let you know you are not alone and it will get better.

    Please, make sure you and DH eat though. You need fuel to keep you going. We used to have to eat in shifts. I would hold crying LO and then DH would eat and then vise-versa.

    I know it doesnt seem like it now, but these times will quickly pass. The 1st few months are sooooo hard but it does get soooo much easier and enjoyable. Promise!

    Also wanted to add, infacol actually made Nate projectile vomit a few times so we stopped using it! It was weird because we used it ages and it was fine but then stopped using it and used it again a few weeks later and he projectile vomited. Used it again a few days later and same thing.
     
  11. kaylz

    kaylz Well-Known Member

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    What happens if you just put him down when he's tired and leave him? As the other poster said, there is nothing wrong with leaving him to cry for a little while to see if he settles (although I realise some people don't agree with any crying, my LO always cries before he goes off to sleep, sometimes even quite emotionally for a short time, and I dont believe he's psychologically damaged in any way as a result - I'd never leave him to cry hard for a long period of time). If he's been used to being rocked to sleep, he is bound to cry initially if you use any other methods, but it should improve as time goes on as long as you are consistent. I hope you find a solution soon that works for you
     
  12. LPF

    LPF Well-Known Member

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    I'm not sure it is colic - only because on the rare occasion he gets enough day sleep he's fine - it gets worse because he's so overtired I think.

    He sleeps okay in car/pram but less time than before - used to be able to get a good hr or so but now it's 20 mins.

    I don't have any family around and all my friends work full time so it's just me dealing with it during the day and I know if I don't get the sleep right me and dh are in for a hideous night which I feel terrible about.
     
  13. Khloeee

    Khloeee Well-Known Member

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    My LO has both these problems you've mentioned. The first really does sound like reflux, especially if he is showing signs of discomfort when feeding. Or it could possibly be a fast let down?

    The napping issue is a hard one. I struggle with this daily and it's getting harder on my back the bigger he gets. I want to try pick up put down but with his reflux I worry that he's too uncomfortable lying down to sleep.

    I make sure we go out in the car or for a walk for one of his naps each day so I get a break from the bouncing to sleep routine. Usually for the first nap of the day so that he gets a good sleep. If he doesn't sleep well for that first nap his overtiredness carries over and he gets progressively more grumpy throughout the day and harder to settle for later naps.

    I also always make sure he gets a nap 2 hours before bedtime, even if it only lasts 15 mins, and I do whatever it takes for him to have this nap because if he misses this one then he screams until bedtime and that's no fun for anyone. Usually I let him sleep on me for this nap.

    I wouldn't worry about creating bad habits just now as for the moment it's far more important that your LO gets enough rest, no matter what the method. I have also learned from my LO that some babies just have no clue how to sleep on their own no matter how many things you try. If rocking or bouncing is the only way to do it, please don't feel guilty about setting up bad habits. I know I worry about this far too much but really I just want LO to be happy and well rested and if I have to help him achieve this then I will.

    One thing that could make things a bit easier for you is to set up a routine for bouncing LO to sleep. I have done this and it used to take over an hour of walking and bouncing to get him to sleep, now it takes about 10 mins because he knows the routine. For us, it is dark room, no talking, and music on (don't know why but he likes falling to sleep to music). Use a trigger of some sort, whether it's a certain song or certain blanket etc.

    I know how stressful the sleep issues can be, most days I feel like naps (or lack of) are taking over my life! We are far from self settling but i am getting happier with LOs naps. Good luck and let me know if you find something
    that works.
     
  14. Peardrop

    Peardrop Well-Known Member

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    I think it could be reflux. Sometimes my LO could happily be sick. Others times it obviously hurt. It could be that when he goes horizontal and stops moving it starts to burn. I know a friend had similar issues and had to keep her baby moving all the time. Like you she was at the end of her tether but finally silent reflux was diagnosed. Once on the right Meds he was a different baby.

    You seem quite sure it's not colic or reflux and your instincts are likely to be right but it sounded similar to a friend. If you really feel it's a sleep issue try www.babysleepanswers.co.uk - I recommend buying the book and using the site.

    Also, could it be that you have a high needs/fussy baby and that LO is just too stimulated during the day. Some babies are just very bright but at this age can't cope with the world around them. Offhand I know Aliss or Gingerspice could offer some help/books to read or try posting a thread with that title.

    Oh and I have found that daytime and night time sleep can be totally different. What they can do at night to go to sleep and what they do during the day is totally different. Mad!

    Good luck. Sleep deprivation is tough.
     
  15. LPF

    LPF Well-Known Member

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    It's so strange how he differs at night - he's just slept 9 hrs and woke for a feed which I put him back in his cot awake and left and he was asleep no problems in a few minutes. If I put him down in the day in his cot he either cries or giggles and kicks about for a play.

    I think he needs a nap routine as that's what we've always done at night and it works but I'm not sure where to start as everything makes him cry and prevents sleep.

    Do you think using a black out blind during the day to keep his room dark would be a bad idea and make him think it's nighttime??? I really don't want to jeopardise his nights!!!
     
  16. henny

    henny mum to two beautiful boys

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    :hugs: although you said Lo doesn't like the carrier, what carrier do u have? Have u tried a moby wrap or something similar? My Lo wouldn't nap at times so I would put him in my moby or mei tai and that would help.
     
  17. Farie

    Farie Well-Known Member

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    It sounds like reflux, which in turn will be effecting his sleeping. My LO was (and still is at times) very hard to settle during the day and was having to sleep in my arms (shes 10lbs so it got pretty ouchy!)
    Its very characteristic of reflux babies to not settle well, wake at the slightest thing, not like car seats/prams.

    With the carrier, have you tried a moby? They do often grizzle when 1st put it.
    My LO doesn't like it so much about the house, but if I put it on and head out for a walk the rhythm of my stride sends her off and she'll sleep for an hour or more.

    Feel free to come over to the reflux help thread, we don't bite .... well, not often anyway :lol:
     

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