Reasonable visit time?

[wishuwerehere]

What would you consider reasonable access for a separated dad to a 6 month old baby?

(don't want to colour anyones replies by talking about my personal situation, I would just like to know if I am being reasonable or not...)

 

[sweetlullaby]

It depends on the circumstances lol were you's in a relationship and are now seperated? Has he seen your LO regularly before now etc?

I know you havn't said about personal circumstances or anything lol but based on FOB having not seen LO at all apart from once when he was born for less than an hour. No relationship between us. No financial contributions and him being a stranger the max I would be and will be offering is an hour a week supervised and then slowly building it up over time.

 

[wishuwerehere]

We weren't together when she was born but he has seen her once or twice a week nearly every week since she was born. But that is with me present.

 

[Ju_bubbs]

I'm really not sure I'd be comfrotable with FOB taking my LO away at 6 months! Not saying you're wrong for this.. I'm just very nervous and untrusting!! so i dont really know how often/long would be acceptable!

 

[scottishgal89]

Hard to say when dont know full circumstances.
Could change the reply a lot depending on the past.

 

[wishuwerehere]

Sorry...I'll try and elaborate a bit more!
FOB and I were not together very long and were never very close, and I barely know his family. He's not a bad guy, just a bit young, silly and irresponsible
I have had him over to Issy for a few hours, usually once a week, since she was born. I do want them to have a relationship, and so does he.
What I want to know is, is once a week not enough? Should I start letting him see her on his own? His mum really wants to see more of her, but only without me. Am I being unreasonable in saying no?

 

[Ju_bubbs]

I would tell his mother to piss off! If she's not happy to see you, why should she get to see your baby!?

 

[scottishgal89]

No, your not being unreasonable.
Why should you have to leave your daughter with them alone at 6months old? I wouldn't do it.
When you hardly know him and when he is young and irresponsible, I think once a week is more than enough to be honest

 

[wishuwerehere]

Thanks
I told their family to take a running jump when they wanted to take her off at 2 months old, it's just come up again recently so I thought I'd ask you lovely ladies what you thought

 

[Miss_d]

i think what your doing just now is fine, and maybe up it to twice a week if you wanted, and once you felt he was ready, he could maybe take her to the park for an hour, give you an hour to yourself, as for his family i would kindly tell them they are welcome to visit her in your own home

 

[lou_w34]

Yeah i agree, tell his mum where to go! Like above tell her she is more than welcome to see LO in your home!

Anyways i think what you have arranged now sounds good
If he would like to see more of LO why dont you (if you are happy too of course) ask him to come over an evening or two a week to help you put her to bed? Or give her a bath... unless he does this already?

xxx

 

[wishuwerehere]

Thanks ^^ that's a good idea. It would probably be a bit of an eye opener for him as well xp LO is a terror to get to bed at the moment!

 

[Aidedhoney]

My ex and i split when Alex was 6 months old, we were together for 3 years.

When we lived near each other he saw Alex once a week now that i have moved back home he comes up once every 2weeks, his parents get the train up for the day every 3weeks. None of them have ever had Alex on his own and i dont intend starting that as Alex doesnt really know who they are. 2weeks is a long time for a year old baby.

Its your baby your rules you have to do what you feel happy with as your the full time carer xx

 

[ProzacQueen]

how rude, whats his parents problem with you?

you & LO will come as a package now til LO is as adult whether they like that or not, so best they keep on your side and build a relationship with you both really!! either that or jog on!!


my baby hasnt been born yet and im already worrying about her dads contact and his horrible family butting in. i dont like our older DD going off with him and she is 2. he wont have a real 'bond' with new baby and he wont be welcome in my home to see her either. so i dont think i would be happy even considering him having her on his own at age 2 let alone 6 months!!

 

[wishuwerehere]

I think his family have an issue with me because I was the one who ended the relationship (before I knew I was pregnant!)
I don't think they realise it wouldn't have worked out anyway

 

[sciencemum]

hello
I think im in a similar situation. I was with FOB for about a month before I broke up with him, then I found out I was pregnant. I don't dislike the guy, but he seems to think him and baby and hisfamily can take her away as they please ect and I feel so ill at that though, mostly because i dont know him much and he is childish and irresponsible and doesnt have a place of his own and lives between aunts attics and basements and I don't know his family. He talks to me like i'm stupid and know nothing.

But anyway, I don't know what to do either. I want baby to see him, but I dont want him constantly in my life and I want to bond with my baby and things before i start worrying about him and all his rights and access.

We live about 100 miles apart, but I have said he can come see her every 2nd or 3rd weekend for the day. To me, that seems reasonable. but, I don't now. :/

 

[Blah11]

No, I'd wait until she was a good bit older then atleast you know she can tell you if something happened.

 

[wishuwerehere]

sciencemum, it's sounds like our FOBs and their families were made out of the same mould! Obviously I am still having trouble with the whole situation so I can't give you much advice other than be firm and very honest from the start! I find on most things he usually listens to me if I make it clear I am not messing around....
And thanks Blah, I hadn't thought of that. I always thought I'd want to be able to explain to her where she was going and what was happening but I hadn't thought about her needing to tell me things as well!

 

[sciencemum]

I also agree with blah,
I don't object to baby ever being alone with FOB in the future and staying over and seeing his family, but I would really like to wait until she is old enough, just so she can tell me or FOB anything ie. if she is unhappy or wants to come home ect.