Reassurance

[claudia_ann]

Hi there,
its been a while since I have posted in this forum. I found this forum great support while TTC my first 4 years ago. now at 36, we have been trying still for a year and nothing again. I did get pregnant a year ago but sadly lost that pregnancy at 7 weeks or so. I made my peace with it because I know it was just my bodies way of working. But I haven't gotten pregnant since and its been so upsetting for me.
I tested this morning as I couldn't wait till tomorrow (when my period is supposed to come) but of course it was negative.

I think my biggest fear is that my children won't get along the bigger in age gap they are. Everyone around me seems to have children two years apart. I had hoped for 3 years but if I were to get pregnant today I would be looking at 4 years between this baby and my son. And I don't understand why but that makes me so sad. Its silly right? But frankly I can tell myself that, but every time I think about it I could cry it makes me so sad.

Please make me feel better ladies!!!

 

[Vonn]

I can understand having an ideal of how your family is set up and also just how incredibly emotional TTC can be, esp when it is of the long-term variety. You should honor the emotions both of those. We all have dreams and wishes that have to be adjusted along this journey. This can be so hard when it feels like everyone else has it so easy!

But you also need to put as much positive energy as you have towards what you can control. My sister and I are 7 years apart and we are best friends. My DH and his sibling are just a few years apart and are not close at all. There is so much more than just the age difference that goes into how well siblings get along.

As it's been a year, I hope you are going to the dr about this. There are a lot of things the dr can check on & test to make sure everything is working well. You can also be making sure you are as healthy as can be. Eating right, cutting out excess caffeine and alcohol, exercising...

There are also lots of other practices you can look into if interested. Yoga poses, visualization/meditation, acupuncture, maya abdominal massage, herbs and supplements. One thing I am just getting into is learning about adaptagens, herbs that have benefit without many/any side effects. You can google adaptagen + fertility and see if anything is appealing to you. I am going to start taking shatavari and see if that boosts things for me.

Good luck to you!

 

[claudia_ann]

Thanks a lot for your words! that does help. I feel like I need to hear that... that siblings can be far apart in age and still be close. My sister and I are also 7 years apart yet we are not close at all and I have always wondered if it was because of the age gap. My husband however does tell me all the time that its more a personality thing. and your right, it can be hard to adjust those dreams and wishes that we have.

I am going to a reproductive health specialist for the first time this week. My family doctor put the referral in a few months ago but I'm in Canada and those things can take a while. So I'm looking forward to meeting this doctor and seeing what she has to say.

I so wish I could just have it easy for once. But I'm sure many others have their own struggles that I don't see. Grass is always greener kind of thing..

 

[Hula1]

Claudia i totally understand how you are feeling. My ds is 3.5 and i had hoped for a 3 yr gap. Lost my second pregnancy a year ago and nothing since. I turn 40 in a couple of months and starting to panic i ll have no age gap.

I agree with Vonn that it s more about personality than ages, my sister is 6yrs younger and we get on great and the gap never bothered me as i grew up.

We ve just got to remember we re doing everything we can, it is unfair some people have it so hard but we ve got to try not to beat ourselves up and stay positive that it will happen when it s meant too.

Getting a bfn just b4 af is horrible but every new cycle is a new chance.

Hope u get ur bfp very soon. Hugs

 

[Nikki1979]

Claudia - I totally agree with the above posters. My sister and I are 18 months apart and we are really not close at all. She lives 30 mins away from me but we talk just once a week and maybe meet once or twice a month. My brother is 13 years younger than me and despite him being in another country, my sister and I talk to him everyday. Its like our day is not complete without talking to him. It all depends on the personality.
My DS is 8 and from the time he was 5 all he has been asking for is a sibling. Hopefully I can give him one. He talks about how he will feed the baby, play with him/her. I know he will be an amazing big brother so I am not too worried about the age gap.
I hope you get your BFP soon.

 

[claudia_ann]

Thanks so much ladies! this really has helped me. I am having a bit of a down day because I'm pretty sure my period is on its way so these comments were nice to hear

Thanks

 

[Katie Potatie]

Hi Claudia,

The other ladies expressed everything so well and I agree entirely with what they've said. My brother is 7 years younger and we are close. Although it's true we didn't share toys and play together as children, that childhood goes by so quickly and it helps to focus on the relationship through their entire lifetime. That age gap means very little once they are older! It also helped for me to think of all the other people I knew who had a bigger age gap between them and their siblings, as well, and who were great friends as adults.

There really are benefits both ways--having your kids close in age or having more years between them. Mine are 5 years apart...definitely not what I was originally hoping for...but now I realize the benefits. I would have lost my marbles chasing after a toddler while taking care of a newborn baby! My daughter is a help to me with the baby. And she is enjoying the experience of having a little brother to help care for. Oftentimes, she will jump in to take care of him because she feels like this is "our" baby. And because I'm not chasing after her every second and she can do so much on her own without needing my help, it allows me time to really enjoy this new baby.

But with all of that said, when I was TTC my second, there was definitely still that panic about the age gap getting wider. I think underneath it all, my biggest fear was really that it wouldn't happen at all, and that is truly where the anxiety was stemming from.

Wishing you nothing but the best on your TTC journey for #2!

 

[Moomaymisty]

there is going to be 24 yrs between my eldest and youngest. Now thats a gap