Registered birth, didnt declare him, sent CSA forms away - productive day yesterday!

[edinsam]

So after months of debating took lawyers advice and didnt put him on the birth certificate. The whole incident at work on Monday just solidified what an arse he is and why the hell would I want him involved in Lily's life. Now if he does "change his mind" like he claims he has a right to then he will need to go through court to see her which my lawyers reckon he will not stand much of a chance.. excellent

Went one step further and compelted the online CSA forms as he says I dont have the balls to do it.

Dream on David!! its about to hit you with a bloody bang! and with the 90K salary you have then its gonna be a big hit for you!

I hate that this man has turned me into a bitter twisted individual but sometimes we just need a bit of self preservation huh!!

Onwards and upwards although I am sure the fun and games are just about to begin!

 

[Welshcob]

So after months of debating took lawyers advice and didnt put him on the birth certificate. The whole incident at work on Monday just solidified what an arse he is and why the hell would I want him involved in Lily's life. Now if he does "change his mind" like he claims he has a right to then he will need to go through court to see her which my lawyers reckon he will not stand much of a chance.. excellent

Went one step further and compelted the online CSA forms as he says I dont have the balls to do it.

Dream on David!! its about to hit you with a bloody bang! and with the 90K salary you have then its gonna be a big hit for you!

I hate that this man has turned me into a bitter twisted individual but sometimes we just need a bit of self preservation huh!!

Onwards and upwards although I am sure the fun and games are just about to begin!

PM Me if you can!!! Had no idea you had had the baby yet!!!! Go girl!!! you are soo right!!!!!! xxxx

 

[Aidedhoney]

Hey hun, bet it was hard not putting him on the birth certificate as i know you were trying to do whats right for Lily but at the end of the day you have to try and get on with things.

I hope the CSA take him to the cleaners........will the wife still want him if hes been screwed for maintence!

Sam Do you think he will try and worm out of the CSA by asking for DNA tests? Just a thought as have a friend whos ex did that even though there son is just his daddys double.

x

 

[purpledahlia]

well if he does then the next step would be agreeing on a doctor and going adn getting it done...I think if he does that he is just throwing 400 quid of his own money away, Suit himself!

Well done that was a milestone day yesterday! He doesnt deserve to be near you or lily you guys will be fine without him!

also, if he did 'change' his mind and proove himself you can add him (or any guy) to the birth cert when you want.. x

 

[edinsam]

aw Aided it was soooo hard yes. I was a bit emotional. I don't mind but I just felt like it left her feeling "unowned" by two people.

I guess I got really scared when my lawyer told me that should anything happen to me and he was on the birth certificate that he would get her even if I had a will stating I wanted her to be with my parents. I just couldnt stand that - this man that has treated me appalingly taking her. So I took all the advice lawyer telling me. Now he cant do that without a whole host of paperwork etc and to be honest I think he wont be bothered going that route as too much hassle!

Re the CSA well hun he has already said that he is going to deny she is his so I already know that DNA will be involved which is fine I have no issues with it. All in all he just wants to delay paying me but I just told him fine delay it, I dont actually care. I dont need your money to live on its purely for Lily and heh delaying it doesnt stop it all it does it add up to one lumpsum which is fine by me. All he keeps on saying is "at least one of us got what we wanted this year" It breaks my heart - all this could have been so different but the main thing is me and Lils together taking on the world. I trully do agree its his loss, shes a wee star.

I have kept all communication with him documented and all the emails letters etc so that when she is ready in later life I will at least let her know that I tried.

My next worry is when I go back to work and have to basically work hand in hand (not literally of course lol) with this man who is my daughters father - thats gonna be hard!

 

[purpledahlia]

Do you want to continue to work there? Is there anyway of leaving? Moving somewhere new? What do you do?

I thought that if he was on the cert but you had a will stating you wanted her to go to your parents.. then she would go to your parents.. So now i am not going to put FOB on birth cert, Or let him be on it even, Thanks for telling me that!!

 

[edinsam]

Hi purp

I am a senior manager in a bank - have been there for 8 years! He is a contractor there and just keeps on renewing his contract - he has been there 2 and half years. Its a very well paid job for me, I am very well respected and have a massive financial investment through shares and pension to leave. I want him to leave. He agreed when we split up to leave if I let him work out the last 2 months of his contract - that was in MAY!! Now he just loves winding me up by staying there!

Yes hun even though my will states I want my parents to look after her, if he is on the birth certificate my will means nothing as parental rights rate higher than your will. That was the turning point for me not to declare him

 

[woadie]

That is so worth knowing.... although I have no family, I would rather have my LO adopted than give him or her over to a bunch of people I know would just get an 'automatic right' to look after him/her. I know that anyone who is raised to say 'I don't want to know' about their (one and only) own child at the age of 40, is not worth breathing the same air as me.

Thanks edinsam, you totally made my mind up not to even offer him the chance to have his name on the certificate. Up until now, I had like you considered 'doing the right thing'... I'd rather give a decent childless couple the right to adopt than have him and his family take my child...

 

[purpledahlia]

I was exactly the same, i thought i might do the right thing and give him a chance but today ive been thinking about it and im in a foul mood and angry at him. I blocked him on FB ive had enough and hes not going on it. So i am glad i know that now. I will write a will for her to go to family if anything happens to me.

Sam yeah your right if you have been there longer and he said he would leave then he should leave. Id imagine he is staying for the specific reason of winding you up though!

 

[edinsam]

purple he told me a few months ago that he was staying because in a sick way at least it meant he got to see me every day!!

That was the day I called his wife to tell her what he was saying as couldnt take anymore lol!

I will not leave my great job for this man - he took every other piece of dignity from me (since got it back lol) I will not allow him to take this from me. I intend to make his working career very uncomfortable when I go back!

 

[purpledahlia]

go girl!! no your quite right to stay, i wasnt sure what the circumstances were but it sounds like he should be leaving. And if he is only staying to ''see you'' then he is warped. sounds like a good job and you enjoy it so def make it uncomfortable for him!! x

 

[DizzyMoo]

Woop sam hun! Big day for you & don't you dare feel any upset for not putting him on.
It wont take you long before you really are chuffed to bits you never put him on believe me, I was upset at 1st when joshs sperm donor was acting like your ex is, I didn't put him on birth cert despite the fact he was adamant to be on his 1st childs he just wasn't interested with josh & he honestly thought he'd get away with not paying csa lol What a dick ! lol

If he denies paternity then he has to fork out for the dna so let him hun, Coz the amount he owes will still be added up lol

Csa are shit heads though so you do need to keep on at them hun, I get nowt for josh off his dad coz he wont pay & csa still wont take him to court *sigh*

 

[purpledahlia]

why will they not take him to court?? Thats so wrong!!

 

[Aidedhoney]

Good for you.......Loving the attitude regarding work.......Why should you have to walk away from a job that you enjoying doing and have stakes/shares in!!

What you need to do is when you go back, go back with your head held high......Lets face it everyone at work knows how hes treated you so i would imagine that he is a laughing stalk with all yours/his co workers.
I know its easy for me to say it but rise above his childish behaviour what he has done to you and Lily is dispicable.
Hes going to end up a very sad and lonely old man as once a cheat always a cheat. The wife couldnt stop him straying the first time and my guess is he will do it time and time again.

x