regretting finishing with my babys dad

[SophiasMummy]

i finished with my LOs dad when i was 12 weeks pregnant as my hormones were mad and i realy didnt wanna be around him. which meant we were aways arguing aswell as the fact he refused to move down to where i live now and wanted me to move an hour away with him which i wouldnt do cuz all my family are here and its not like i can drive. also he was threatening to tell my mum i was pregnant when i didnt want to tell her as she was going to kick me out. now i writing these reason though i feel completly stupid.

since ive had sophia all i thought about is that i want her to have her family and i want him back. unfortuniatly for me he is now with his ex he was with before we even met and is helping her bring up her baby which isnt even his and refuses to see sophia even when she was in hospital i know hes refusing to see her because his gf is scared if he has anything to with his own daughter then he wont want to look after hers and because we havnt seen each other since we broke up and his gfs scared to let him see me which he will have to do to see sophia. i dont know what to do because i still love him eventhough he has never bothered to even buy anything for sophia and didnt bother to come to any scans or anything but i just see it all as my fault because i ended it cus i just couldnt deal with our relationship at that time. i dunno why im even posting this but i need to tell someone and none of my friends understand as all that have babies are with to there babies dads i just really want my family back both for sophia and for me but i would never steal him off his gf as much as i want to.

i just dont know what to do.

 

[Rhio92]

Haven't really got any advice, sorry
But you're not alone on having f*cked up hormones... I'd still be with FOB if hormones hadn't turned me into a paranoid, depressive bitch xxx

 

[jen1604]

If I was you I would talk to him and tell him how you're feeling if there is any chance of a reunion.He might be completely happy and settled but he might be feeling the same as you and you'll never know unless you try...

Good luck chick

 

[SophiasMummy]

If I was you I would talk to him and tell him how you're feeling if there is any chance of a reunion.He might be completely happy and settled but he might be feeling the same as you and you'll never know unless you try...

Good luck chick

i would but he is back with his ex and eventhough i dont personally like her i dont want to steal him off her. but i know at the same time that if he saw his daughter it could change his reationship with his gf anyway and whether she likes it or not he will see his daughter even if he has to do it without her knowing seein as she told him he isnt allowed to see her

 

[lepaskilf]

At the end of the day Sophia is his daughter and he has a right to see her nomatter what his gf says, so i say meet up with him and go from from there. You might find after a meeting that you don't want to get back with him!! x

 

[Foogirl]

It sounds like you had perfectly good reasons to split with him in the first place.

And I'd say you've got perfectly good reasons not to take him back. Flip-flopping from her to you to her? Doesn't sound very reliable really.

Your LO can still have a family, it just takes some work. I would concentrate on getting your friendship back on track so he can spend some time being dad. If his new woman can see you are not a threat, she might be less of a pain in the backside.

I know it is hard if you still love him, but I think if you try and get him back, you might well end up with nothing. At least if you try to rekindle a friendship, you will have the "family" you want for your LO. And who knows, once you do that, he might well decide he wants to be with you after all.

 

[18singlemom2b]

i can understand how you feel. but remember there are reasons you two aren't together. if he really was best for you; he would have pushed harder for you to stay together and understood what you were going through. and you deserve better than to be with someone who wont even come see your child!

 

[SilasLove]

^^ I agree.

I understand that you still love him and want a family for Sophia, but the fact that he wont come see his own flesh and blood despite what his girlfriend says tells me that perhaps you two are better off without him.

You obviously don't want to interfere with his current relationship, so I would just do my best to try and get him to be in his daughter's life.

 

[Kacie]

I am currently going through something similar.. I left FOB when dd was 6 weeks old as he had been cheating on me and generally not very nice. 4 months on I just miss him so much but I know he never would have changed if i stayed and if i go back he still wont be the person i need him to be. So I guess what I really miss is the person I want him to be and not who he actually is.

Maybe trying to start up contact and friendship would be the best thing with no promise of it leading to anything else with him? just so he can see your LO?

Are you sure it is actually him you want and not just the ideal of a two-parent family? As 18singlemum2b said, there are reasons you are not together and they must be valid reasons.. It is hard to be a single mum, but it is just as hard to be in an unhappy relationship. Sophia has a family in you, don't settle for someone just because it's what you think you should do.

Lots of love

xxx

 

[Foogirl]

I am currently going through something similar.. I left FOB when dd was 6 weeks old as he had been cheating on me and generally not very nice. 4 months on I just miss him so much but I know he never would have changed if i stayed and if i go back he still wont be the person i need him to be. So I guess what I really miss is the person I want him to be and not who he actually is.

Maybe trying to start up contact and friendship would be the best thing with no promise of it leading to anything else with him? just so he can see your LO?

Are you sure it is actually him you want and not just the ideal of a two-parent family? As 18singlemum2b said, there are reasons you are not together and they must be valid reasons.. It is hard to be a single mum, but it is just as hard to be in an unhappy relationship. Sophia has a family in you, don't settle for someone just because it's what you think you should do.

Lots of love

xxx

Brilliant post.

It is easy to fall into the trap of missing the idea of someone, and of idolising what they once were (when actually, they weren't!)

And add to that the fear of having to do it all alone, of course it seems like you want a person back. It takes strength and character to ignore those feelings. I'm a great believer in sorting your life out so you can survive yourself no matter what, and if someone else comes along to share it with, well that's a bonus!

 

[18singlemom2b]

just remember that although it might not be today, one day you will meet an AMAZING man to love both you and your daughter beyond measure!

 

[Kwarey]

Awwwwww hun I know it must hurt. I feel you might be better off without him. You seem stronger enough for both of you. It says a lot about his character if he isn't strong enough to stand up to his current girlfriend, really shouldn't let anyone get in the way of him and his daughter regardless how complicated it can be. She should let him see her, we all have to do things we don't like. All I can say is that it's his loss.

Congrats on your beautiful baby daughter Sophia. xoxox

 

[SophiasMummy]

thanks everyone i think its just cuz i feel sophia is missing out on having a proper family as i didnt have my dad either until i was 14 yrs old and i had a horrid step dad who made my life hell so im really weary about if any other man that i could be with could love her like i would want them too

 

[SilasLove]

My mother's boyfriend was horrible to me as well. I am sure that since you experienced that you will be very careful about who you pick to be in your daughter's life. And you will find someone who will love her - he is out there somewhere.

 

[Foogirl]

thanks everyone i think its just cuz i feel sophia is missing out on having a proper family as i didnt have my dad either until i was 14 yrs old and i had a horrid step dad who made my life hell so im really weary about if any other man that i could be with could love her like i would want them too

A "proper" family? What is that these days? As far as I can see, a "proper" family is a number of people who all love you and put your daughter's welfare above all else.

That doesn't have to come from a mum and a dad who live in the same house, it can just as easily come from a mum and a dad who live apart. And I am sure there is other family around who also will be a part of your LOs life.

The fact your home life was chaotic isn't because you didn't have your blood father living with you, it is because the others in your life weren't careful about who you were exposed to.

As long as you always consider the impact of your relationships with other people, on your LO, and put her feelings towards your partner before yours, you'll both be just fine.