Relationships and religion!!

[sophxx]

Just wondered what you ladies think

Do you think because you choose to be in a relationship with your partner you should convert to following there religion and culture or should you both be accepting of one another? If you do how far do you think you should go with embracing the culture? Should you loose you personal identity? The person who you was when you 1st met your partner? This is a massive thong in the town we live on due to being such a multicultural town.

 

[Avalanche]

I'm a Christian, my OH is Atheist. I go to church once, sometimes twice a week and I sit on my Church's Congregational Board.

Religion is only a problem in a relationship if you let it be one. Religion teaches tolerance and acceptance of people's differences and I don't believe in converting people against their will by persuasion. My OH will sometimes come to Church with me if he wants to, but there's never any pressure on him to do so.

 

[allaboard]

No, i wouldn't, but if religion was that big an issue to either person when dating, by the time they are married/serious there is presumably an acceptance and agreement of what changes will be made over time and for whom.

If one person is happy to convert, that's up to them as a couple. Neither should be put under pressure to, but to some people their faith is so important that conversion of their partner is paramount to being together. Not for me though, no way.

 

[sophxx]

I agree with you my oh is from a different culture and back ground to me yet he's accepting of everything and I am to him. I am interested in his religion and am part way through reading his holy book as We want our lo to be open minded to lots of things. As for his culture side of things I choose not to get invalided were not really accepted but we have out proper family life and celebrate his festivals at home just like we would celebrate Christmas. The area I'm from there's lots of cross religion/ culture relationships and I see and know so many girls who's partner has been happy for them to be them selfs clothes wise religion there own job but as soon as a baby is invalided there partners family place pressure on them to change the clothes and who they are which I find upsetting.

 

[sophxx]

No, i wouldn't, but if religion was that big an issue to either person when dating, by the time they are married/serious there is presumably an acceptance and agreement of what changes will be made over time and for whom.

If one person is happy to convert, that's up to them as a couple. Neither should be put under pressure to, but to some people their faith is so important that conversion of their partner is paramount to being together. Not for me though, no way.

I think thats fine if there's a agreement before the marriage or children but what can happen and has happened is that the person who's strong religion is force on the other person to convert and change there who lifestyle I think that not acceptable x

 

[allaboard]

No, i wouldn't, but if religion was that big an issue to either person when dating, by the time they are married/serious there is presumably an acceptance and agreement of what changes will be made over time and for whom.

If one person is happy to convert, that's up to them as a couple. Neither should be put under pressure to, but to some people their faith is so important that conversion of their partner is paramount to being together. Not for me though, no way.

I think thats fine if there's a agreement before the marriage or children but what can happen and has happened is that the person who's strong religion is force on the other person to convert and change there who lifestyle I think that not acceptable x

No that's not right. But i guess it kind of degrees...if the other person doesn't have a strong religion they follow, what does converting actually mean for them - that they observe the practices and bring up the kids in that faith? Or something more involved.... Often when you meet someone you want to share their life and find out more about them. If the person who converted under duress was bullied or blackmailed into it, that's wrong. When you love someone, the things they ask of you can be out of your comfort zone but you do them for new experiences or simply compromise sake, but the thought of one person taking advantage and browbeating is unforgivable. That's not love to me, or a relationship worth investing in full stop.

 

[Lightworker]

Both my DH and I believe in God but I believe alot in Angels, Spiritual encounters basically spiritual. I always say to my DH my angels gave me this or that sign and he acknowledges my belief but doesn't share it. For a while he used to go to this religious group and I HATED it as they were scaremongerors and false but I left him to it till he wizened up. You can be of different beliefs and still be happily married as long as respect is there. X

 

[OmiOmen]

I do not think that someone should have to change their religion for someone else, in fact I do not see how one could be expected to change their beliefs. However if two people with two diffident religions become a couple I would imaging they would both have to make some sacrifices. I do not think it is fair to expect just one person to make all the sacrifices though, unless they are 100% happy to do so of course. So basically I would say that both people should try to embrace each others culture but not to the point that they lose their personal identity.

I used to have a Muslim friend and she would take part in Christmas a little and say it was not a religious issue for her, more a cultural tradition of being British. I could relate to the British tradition idea as I am an atheist so feel a bit like that, although our other friends were all Christians. I would always give her support of her holidays too. She would compromise when we went out and rather than trying to find halal food would eat vegetarian (I am a vegetarian but our other friends were not) but sometimes we would try to go where she could get halal too. So I think when people disagree on major issues like religion it can be easily solved with a bit of consideration for each other. (I hope that made sense.)

I have to say, I personally always knew I would never be able to marry someone with different beliefs to me (both me and DH are atheists). I do not think there is anything wrong with having different religious ideals, clearly it works for a lot of people, I just do not think I would have being able to make the sacrifices involved on that sort of level. But I think that is just a personal thing.

 

[sophxx]

No, i wouldn't, but if religion was that big an issue to either person when dating, by the time they are married/serious there is presumably an acceptance and agreement of what changes will be made over time and for whom.

If one person is happy to convert, that's up to them as a couple. Neither should be put under pressure to, but to some people their faith is so important that conversion of their partner is paramount to being together. Not for me though, no way.

I think thats fine if there's a agreement before the marriage or children but what can happen and has happened is that the person who's strong religion is force on the other person to convert and change there who lifestyle I think that not acceptable x

No that's not right. But i guess it kind of degrees...if the other person doesn't have a strong religion they follow, what does converting actually mean for them - that they observe the practices and bring up the kids in that faith? Or something more involved.... Often when you meet someone you want to share their life and find out more about them. If the person who converted under duress was bullied or blackmailed into it, that's wrong. When you love someone, the things they ask of you can be out of your comfort zone but you do them for new experiences or simply compromise sake, but the thought of one person taking advantage and browbeating is unforgivable. That's not love to me, or a relationship worth investing in full stop.

just as a example my friend is in a relationship with a muslim man when they first met they went clubbing out drinking together, she accidentley fell pregnant or so she says it was a accident and now his family come in to the picture they threatend her and she now lives with them is made to wear ceratin clothes and cover her head the children they have are also made to do this while her oh carrys on his party lifestyle and she has lost all her westernisation. situations like that with per pressure are not good or fair i feel

but like you say doing somerthing a little out of your comfort zone or just compromiseing is totaly fine

 

[freckleonear]

I'm a Christian and I knew right from when I was little that I would only ever have a relationship with/marry another Christian. The Bible teaches that God is the most important person for a Christian so making sure your partner also puts God first avoids a whole lot of potential problems. However, I don't think you should change your beliefs just for a partner, because then they're not really "beliefs" at all.

 

[summer rain]

I'm a Muslim and when it came to getting married and settling down; I could not have considered any other faith, and I even was looking for someone from the same school of thought this time as my first husband was shia and it caused a lot of disagreements (more from his side; he was completely unbending and towards the end even thought of sunni Muslims as apostates). I think the difference between religion and culture has to be emphasised; I used to live in an Asian, mainly Muslim area but most of the practices were completely cultural; most of the people rarely prayed and at best went to the mosque only on Fridays or eid, the women would cover their hair in the house and wear simple dark clothes as a sign of respect to male members of the household; this is something that from my research comes from Hinduism and not from Islam, most of these women would not cover up as much outside either. Also these men act in a way that is a major sin in Islam; then they expect their girlfriend or wife to convert and adopt their practices; sorry but that just isn't fair. I knew one English lady whose husband insisted her and their daughter wear shalwar kameez (which is an Indian subcontinent cultural dress); her husband was more cultural than practicing. Anyway this caused so many problems for her daughter, the school she attended had to change their uniform policy just for her even though none of the Asian muslim girls wore shalwar kameez; they all wore long skirts or trousers. He expected his wife and daughter to wear SK at all times; and even the PJs they wore were also shalwar kameez style. The lady told me she hadn't been able to wear any clothing from a normal shop for over 20 years; except cardigans, jackets and underwear. The annoying thing was this guy never wore traditional clothing himself; he always wore tracksuits! Even to the mosque (which he rarely attended) he didn't wear SK! I think people should be aware that certain cultures; as opposed to religions are very unbending and they do expect partners coming from other cultures to adopt their ways eventually. I personally chose not to marry a man from certain 'Muslim' cultures because of this. I've been Muslim, of my own volition since my teens and before I knew any Muslims so I did not change for anyone nor would I consider doing so.

 

[Blah11]

I wouldn't either. I'd expect my OH to accept me as am I and not want to change anything about me.

 

[Midnight_Fairy]

I wouldnt change for anyone!

I have my own beliefs, my OH has his but it is not a force between us. x

 

[aliss]

I'm a Christian and I knew right from when I was little that I would only ever have a relationship with/marry another Christian. The Bible teaches that God is the most important person for a Christian so making sure your partner also puts God first avoids a whole lot of potential problems. However, I don't think you should change your beliefs just for a partner, because then they're not really "beliefs" at all.

I agree with you completely, only as a non-Christian who was in a relationship with a religious Christian. We were young, so I suppose that's why we thought it would work, but as years went on it was very clear that someone with his religious beliefs (ie no sex before marriage, go to church each week) was not something that we as a couple could really compromise on!

So we were through! And he found a lovely girl with his strong Christian beliefs and married her, and I did the same. Worked out great.

On a side note, my (athiest) mother 'converted' to Islam for her marriage recently however she still eats pork, does not pray, and basically does not believe ... when he is not around. When he is around, she acts differently. She spent 50 years as an athiest and has not really changed but is desperate to be married to him and be accepted. IMO, it's 100% wrong, but her guilt to pay for.

 

[caz81]

Me & hubby are from different cultures (he is Indian im British) but we are both Christian. I couldnt have married someone from a different religion as I wouldnt want my children brought up in a non-Christian environment. I think when you are from different cultures you both adapt and change to an extent to make things work. I find the older generations are very unaccepting of a cross culture relationship, in particular on my husbands side and expect that I should change completely to their culture and ideas which I have not done!

 

[charlotte-xo]

Im not religious and niether is my OH but if he was id respect his beliefs but i wouldnt convert to that religion or pretend that i believe in something i dont.

 

[xemmax]

I think you should convert to a religion if you have faith in that religion and for no other reason. If you don't believe, then why else would you follow a religion?

 

[Rhio92]

I think as long as you both accept and respect each others views, it's ok. I don't think you should have to agree with them, unless you want to of course.
My step mum is sikh. My dad is Christian. My step mum makes my dad follow her religion and the things that they do. He has to wear a bangle and go to temple. However, she won't even allow my dad to have a bible in the house. This I think is wrong.

I must add though, my step mum really isn't a nice women,and my dad won't and never has, stand up for himself, or me and my brother. Eg she wont let me in the house, my dad wont do a thing. I think it's more of a control rather than religious thing.

 

[OmarsMum]

No. My cousin is Muslim & his wife is Christian. She goes to church & he goes to the mosque. Their children are brought up as muslims but they also go to church with their mother. They have biblical names (Daniel & Maria).

They live with his family & they are very religious but they respect his wife's religion & they dont interfer. In return, she respects their culture & religion & she dresses conservatively (without covering her head), but when she visits her family in Russia she follows her culture without restrictions xx

 

[vaniilla]

we are both atheist but even if one of us was religious I wouldn't convert for my partner, religion imo is a personal thing and people should convert for their own reasons not to please someone else, its also something that should be discussed before a relationship gets serious so that each knows where they stand on the issue