Religion and LTTC: Did this push you towards or away from religion?

[Snowglobe21]

I am curious as to how finding out the obstacles in your path to parenthood have affected your relationship with God and religion in general. Were you non-religious to begin with so it had no impact or have you turned against God or closer to him?

My own story is that although I have never been as religious as my extended family, I prayed every meal with my family, went to church with my fiancee at least once a month and had a strong relationship with God. I believed in him and wanted to actually get more involved in church life and thought it was an integral part. Since the SA/miscarriage and 1 year mark of trying (prob closer to 15 months, but 1 year is easier to say), I am incredibly angry at God. I have no doubt he exists and have not turned atheist or agnostic, but I am furious at him. I swear at him and want nothing to do with religion period. Upon research and finding out the Catholic Church is opposed to IVF and fertility meds, my disgust has grown even deeper. The sad thing is I know my anger would turn around the minute I had a baby, but the truth is I am so angry that God puts us through this and I have probably never been angrier at anyone than him. LTTC has ruined my wedding planning and destroyed what my fiancee used to be like (he used to be the happiest, most carefree guy in the world, cute, funny, did special things etc and the most amazing guy since I met him in the 6th grade). Now he is so stressed and consumed with this that he has no energy to put towards the special things he used to do. The stress has changed him and it is very sad to see. Its even sadder because I know it would be a complete 180 the minute we concieved. Controversial and I don't like to say this. Please no I don't mean to offend anyone. But I hate God right now.

 

[Princess Lou]

Hey.

Personally, before we started TTC I didn't believe in religion so to speak and since we started on this journey I have become more certain in my convictions.

I know there are many people that will say the reason I do not have a child is because I have no faith and don't believe so why should God give me a child. My response would simply be, if you believe in God he should therefore, going on your convictions, have blessed you with your child by now should he not? What is you God doing for you?

I don't mean to offend anyone by saying that, but if God gives children to those parents deserving, why does he not allow my husband and I to have a child but my 14 year old BIL's girlfriend who is 13 is six months pregnant? Do they deserve to be parents?

I do not slate/criticise anyone for their beliefs, everyone is entitles to believe in who/what they want. I just chose not to believe and have a lot of questions about religion which I am challenging at the moment.

I hope you get a BFP soon. X

 

[Skoer1360]

I have sat here for the last 15 minutes trying to write down how I feel without blatently offending the religious board members but I just can't get the right words out.

I guess I have too much belief in science to believe in religion but I don't berate someone for believing in religion, everyone has a right to believe what they want and do what makes them happy.

I really do hope you get your bfp soon though

 

[terces]

I am curious as to how finding out the obstacles in your path to parenthood have affected your relationship with God and religion in general. Were you non-religious to begin with so it had no impact or have you turned against God or closer to him?

My own story is that although I have never been as religious as my extended family, I prayed every meal with my family, went to church with my fiancee at least once a month and had a strong relationship with God. I believed in him and wanted to actually get more involved in church life and thought it was an integral part. Since the SA/miscarriage and 1 year mark of trying (prob closer to 15 months, but 1 year is easier to say), I am incredibly angry at God. I have no doubt he exists and have not turned atheist or agnostic, but I am furious at him. I swear at him and want nothing to do with religion period. Upon research and finding out the Catholic Church is opposed to IVF and fertility meds, my disgust has grown even deeper. The sad thing is I know my anger would turn around the minute I had a baby, but the truth is I am so angry that God puts us through this and I have probably never been angrier at anyone than him. LTTC has ruined my wedding planning and
destroyed what my fiancee used to be like (he used to be the happiest, most carefree guy in the world, cute, funny, did special things etc and the most amazing guy since I met him in the 6th grade). Now he is so stressed and consumed with this that he has no energy to put towards the special things he used to do. The stress has changed him and it is very sad to see. Its even sadder because I know it would be a complete 180 the minute we concieved. Controversial and I don't like to say this. Please no I don't mean to offend anyone. But I hate God right now.

I understand how you feel. I have the same feelings sometimes. I have always been bery faitjful. I teach 3 classes and play the piano in church. I pray daily and am always singing religious songs. While I try hard not to become angry it creeps in on occasion. Then, I feel guilty for being angry. Praying for a BFP for us both.

 

[cooch]

Well I started very positively and praying every day. I had certain prayers. But since my lap and further disappointments I cannot believe a God would torture someone in this way, as that's what it is torture. So I have stopped with my praying.

I did recently come to the conclusion that its nothing to do with God, and its just life and unfortunately these things happen (to others and ME). God would not give babies to people who are unable to care for them, or are using drugs, so it has to be put down to life. However this has not restored any faith.

I have a bit more belief in positive thinking, but this is very very hard in our situations.

 

[Sophe]

Well I started very positively and praying every day. I had certain prayers. But since my lap and further disappointments I cannot believe a God would torture someone in this way, as that's what it is torture. So I have stopped with my praying.

I did recently come to the conclusion that its nothing to do with God, and its just life and unfortunately these things happen (to others and ME). God would not give babies to people who are unable to care for them, or are using drugs, so it has to be put down to life. However this has not restored any faith.

I have a bit more belief in positive thinking, but this is very very hard in our situations.

I am the same as you cooch, i stopped praying as well, i can't right now. I also don't think god would give babies to people who can't care for them, I do not belive this is his will... so I do not know what to belive.

 

[wannabemummyb]

I used to believe but hit some shaky ground when i realised how much hypocrisy there can be within the church, but i always maintained their was a god but just not necessarily the theistic concept of God!

Since ttc and having such heartbreak and stress i have lost my belief! I don't understand why a higher being would allow illness and infertility to exist - it is not to do with free will! I once wrote a paper on "the problem of evil" i.e. illness, crime etc in the world but still can not understand why "God" would allow this!

 

[Claire_Lou]

I grew up going to sunday school, not because I believed but because I didnt want to upset or offend anyone by saying I didnt want to go.

Once I was a bit older I stopped going. I dont think I ever believed - not like I did in Santa Claus or the tooth fairy!!

Then my Grandma died (whom I was very close to) and I started thinking, I wish there was a heaven, I wish it was real it would bring me comfort to know she is looking down on me. I cant explain why but I used to look up at the stars and think of her and it made me happy.

Since then I have come to the conclusion that people can believe in whatever they like if it makes them happy and brings them comfort, who am I to stop them? We believe in Santa as children because the whole idea of a big friendly man secretly bringing us presents in the middle of the night brings us excitement and happyness.

At the end of the day only you can decide if you believe or not - personally I dont but having said that, there are times in my life when things get bad and I wish I did.

Its something we will never know a real answer to but if it makes life easier for someone I fully support them providing they dont force it in my face!


If you had asked me this question 2 years ago I would have probably told you its utter rubbish, I believe in science and there is no evidence to prove its possible...

I guess this experience has changed me!!!

 

[Erin j]

I'm sorry you are struggling with this. God is an easy one to blame and get angry with because he won't argue back or fight etc I am with Cooch in that these things happen. this is life and everyone has something that has been horrible in their life or that they have struggled with. God isn't punishing you or any of us. Our human bodies fail us and it sucks. I'm sorry and I hope for you, and all of us to get a bfp in the end.

 

[Skoer1360]

I grew up going to sunday school, not because I believed but because I didnt want to upset or offend anyone by saying I didnt want to go.

Once I was a bit older I stopped going. I dont think I ever believed - not like I did in Santa Claus or the tooth fairy!!

Then my Grandma died (whom I was very close to) and I started thinking, I wish there was a heaven, I wish it was real it would bring me comfort to know she is looking down on me. I cant explain why but I used to look up at the stars and think of her and it made me happy.

Since then I have come to the conclusion that people can believe in whatever they like if it makes them happy and brings them comfort, who am I to stop them? We believe in Santa as children because the whole idea of a big friendly man secretly bringing us presents in the middle of the night brings us excitement and happyness.

At the end of the day only you can decide if you believe or not - personally I dont but having said that, there are times in my life when things get bad and I wish I did.

Its something we will never know a real answer to but if it makes life easier for someone I fully support them providing they dont force it in my face!


If you had asked me this question 2 years ago I would have probably told you its utter rubbish, I believe in science and there is no evidence to prove its possible...

I guess this experience has changed me!!!

This explains it much more than my crappy reply did

I grew up going to Sunday school and church but ended up believing in God more like a belief in Santa. Someone to take responsibility for the bad things that happen in life so that people can move on. It's a way for someone to accept certain things in life because sometimes, things just don't make sense; like infertility. I am a good person, I donate to charities, I've volunteered at homeless shelters, I have never done anything to hurt anyone intentionally and yet some omnipresent being has decided that I shall go through this awful struggle and disappointment when people who are drug users have kids, parents that abuse their children have kids, the bottom pit of human existence is able to have kids but not people who would open their arms and lovingly hold a child?

My DH's aunt never had kids. I don't personally know their struggle but I do know that they tried to have kids but it just wouldn't happen. They aren't that old (45?) and they have two adoptive daughters now and are a happy family. Though they are very religious and warm, loving, kind, charitable, very open minded people and I just don't understand how someone can just not allow them to have children of their own. You can say it's so that their daughters had a family to go to, but honestly I think I'm a bit too cynical for that.

 

[Deb111]

I am a christian and I have to admit, this has tested my faith big time!!!

I am a methodist and my husband is a catholic, but because he had been married before, the catholic church would not marry us even though his first marriage had been anulled

We did however get married in a church of england church, so it makes me VERY angry, when a certain member of his family suggested that we are having the LTTTC issues we are having BECAUSE we weren't married in a catholic church and now that we've finally managed to get the catholic church to bless our marriage (because it's what my husband wanted, NOT because we thought it would get us pregnant), they reckon it will all be ok

Now to me, if you are willing to accept that now our marriage has been blessed by a catholic priest, we will get pregnant, then to me what you are actually saying is that God has been punishing us because we got married in a C of E church, not a catholic one (even though they're all christains!!) and who would want to believe in a God who acted like that?!?!

Right - that's my rant over

I don't believe I am being punished, but it definitely is testing my faith when you hear about parents abusing their children, babies being born addicted to all kinds of things that they have to be weaned off ... it definitely has made me question whether there is a God at times

 

[Sophe]

I am a christian and I have to admit, this has tested my faith big time!!!

I am a methodist and my husband is a catholic, but because he had been married before, the catholic church would not marry us even though his first marriage had been anulled

We did however get married in a church of england church, so it makes me VERY angry, when a certain member of his family suggested that we are having the LTTTC issues we are having BECAUSE we weren't married in a catholic church and now that we've finally managed to get the catholic church to bless our marriage (because it's what my husband wanted, NOT because we thought it would get us pregnant), they reckon it will all be ok

Now to me, if you are willing to accept that now our marriage has been blessed by a catholic priest, we will get pregnant, then to me what you are actually saying is that God has been punishing us because we got married in a C of E church, not a catholic one (even though they're all christains!!) and who would want to believe in a God who acted like that?!?!

Right - that's my rant over

I don't believe I am being punished, but it definitely is testing my faith when you hear about parents abusing their children, babies being born addicted to all kinds of things that they have to be weaned off ... it definitely has made me question whether there is a God at times

My ex husband and I were married in a Catholic church.... he ended up getting his secretary pregnant... I guess god wanted that too???

these people who say these things are insane i think.

 

[Armywife84]

My faith is questioned..

I don't understand, like others have already stated, how women who throw their baby in the trash, shot it in the head are blessed with children!! When me, many women on here, and some of my friends would cherish, love, and never hurt a child but can't conceive if their life depended on it!

One of my friends got pregnant after 3 years, went thru a terrible pregnancy because her baby was diagnosed with a CDH and had a good chance of making it since they performed what procedures they could to improve his odds while in the womb. She set up a FB page for a prayer with over 17,000+ people praying that the delivery goes good. He was born in August and lived a few hours before passing on. So I question the power of prayer.

LTTC changes your outlook on everything. For women/couples, it's sheer torture.

I wonder why God would allow infertility to happen.

 

[Rurin]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xGPS8sa-bRQ&feature=related

Someone sent me this song today and I feel like the words came straight from my heart.

I am totally commited to following Jesus. This journey is really, really hard and I don't have any easy answers as to why God allows us to suffer sometimes. It's something people have pondered for thousands of years.

But the fantastic thing about God for me is that he promises to always be with us through whatever valley we have to walk in life and the resurrection of Jesus means that ultimately - everything will be ok. And in my experience I've known God super close and real on this journey sometimes and it's felt like he's miles away other times....

It's a MASSIVE subject to do justice to in a quick post on a forum.

I just read a book called 'God on Mute' by Pete Grieg and that has some really helpful stuff in about unanswered prayer and suffering.

 

[L.E.]

Well I just wanted to say that having a personal relationship with Jesus Christ is different than putting your faith in religion. Religion fails us but God never does. I've been married for 9 years, have a 5 year old son, and have never had normal periods. I've been a mess since I was 14 years old in that regard. While I can't say I understand it, I try hard not to blame God for it. I think God gets blamed a lot for things He doesn't do and maybe gets credit for things He doesn't do too... though I'd rather praise Him for the good anyway. I believe that God has set the world in motion and while He absolutely can and does put certain things in our way (good and bad), a lot of what happens is just par for the course in living in this world.

If I have another baby (and I believe I will), then I will thank God for that baby. In the meantime, I thank him daily for my husband, son, our good health, and all the other blessings we have. When you're on a 3 month bleeding spree, wearing adult diapers all the time, it's hard to be thankful for that. I know that either whether God has specifically given me this or just allowed it, He will help me through it if I have a personal relationship with him and ask Him to help me.

Everyone is entitled to their own opinion/beliefs. Obviously I think those of you who doubt God are very wrong, but I hope you get your bundles of joy soon!!


****John 16:33 "These things I have spoken unto you, that in me ye might have peace. In the world ye shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer: I have overcome the world."
There is a lot of encouragement in Philippians chapter 4 too.

 

[Maurie]

This thread is close to my heart.
I am definitely a believer. Though this journey is very difficult on my faith. Let me clarify, I would not stop believing, I sometimes wonder if I want to be a part of it.

I Do not believe this is a punishment. I have actually come through many stages. First I plead with God, praying every day, many times a day. when that did work I was angry. Very angry at God for not listening, so I didn't talk to him at all for a long time. I often thought and said out loud "if this is God's plan, I want no part of it!!!"

Finally a month ago or so I took a step back. I looked at everything that happened since we started TTC. We had to deal with Major debilitating migraines, an undiagnosed depression (DH), major family events, and terrible finances. Had we conceived when we planned things could have gone very wrong. We now have things under a bit more control. My migraines have all but disappeared without medication, DH is on medication that helps his anxiety and depression, We have enough to possibly do IVF if we need. (I dont want to offend anyone by this but..) I have begun to view our infertility as a blessing. Definitely not one I would choose, but one I know is going to be a good thing in the end.

I have also learned God is a big boy, he can handle it when we react normally (scream, get angry, yell, cry) When life isn't what we thought or planned.

In the end, its been a difficult journey. I am a stronger believer because of it.
Hope you get your BFP soon!

 

[Dilek]

I thought i might add to this thread. My LTTTC journey did test my faith, but it brought me closer to God. Ill give you an Islamic perspective as best I can. He states in the Quran that 'Do you think you were put into this world and not to be tested?'. For us and i think many other religions this life/world is a test life to decide our next life. And he is testing us like a school teacher of what grade we will get, what level in heaven we might achieve or how long we might stay in hell until we are allowed into heaven or the ones that stay in hell.

We dont believe God punishes us in this life, but a mere test. How true are we to our faith, as we are not meant to give up on God. Imagine if he turned his back on us. How else is he meant to see your true side. Either at good times and bad times. And also the more faith you have, we call it Iman, the more you will be tested.

Also we believe that to get into heaven or higher levels, there are 7. Well you need good deeds, but for some people there bad deeds might not get them into a level. So being tested and being patient, believers are forgiven of there bad deeds and it counts as a good. lAnd then they are able to get into that level.Its a bit confusing. But in the end, we believe God only tests the ones he loves. And think about it, look at all the prophets they were all tested in there lives. Some were humiliated, who are we to complain with our tests when they were the chosen ones.

Half of our faith is being Patient and Gratitude.

Only Allah knows what best for us.

I hope this gives you another understanding of our infertility journey, and not to look at it as a punishment.

 

[Dilek]

Ive just read other replies, i was thinking about someone mentioning people on drugs who have babies and so forth. I try to look on the positive side of it esp after the channel 4 doc about adoptions. Most of the children in UK waiting to be adopted are from drug - addicted families. I suppose in a good way, these mothers having these babies allows families like us who cant have babies naturally to adopt. Secondly, it might be a wake up call for the parents to stop taking drugs and clean themselves up once they have a child. There is a 3rd but its about politics. So id rather keep quite.

 

[Sophe]

what about the religious people who tell us that its up to god if we have a baby, they are blaiming him aren't they? what would you say to them? Its coming up for christmas visiting time and I know this will be said to me just I wast want ideas of what i could say to them.

 

[Maurie]

what about the religious people who tell us that its up to god if we have a baby, they are blaiming him aren't they? what would you say to them? Its coming up for christmas visiting time and I know this will be said to me just I wast want ideas of what i could say to them.

Honestly, If they believe in Jesus, and that he died on the cross I would bring that up. I have said it to someone before.

"if thats the case, if God is punishing me, or whatever, What was the entire purpose of Christ dying on the cross?"

If they say "its in God's time", or "he will decide when" I would ask if that is what they would say to a cancer patient... God will decide if they live... but that is more if they know you are struggling.

Another one people like is "God helps those who help themselves" but they never like it when it comes to infertility. You can use that too. . . "God helps those who help themselves" so I am helping myself get a little closer hoping God sees my efforts.

Hope that gives some Ideas.....