Relocated: 5yr old meeting up with old friends?

[EcoMama]

We relocated a couple of months ago to an area about 4hr away from where we were, so my 5yr old goes to different school and hasn't seen his old friends since our move.

He is settling in okay, enjoys school and is making new friends. Although he asked about his old friends at 1st, he hasn't mentioned them for weeks! Which is great as I was worried that he'd miss them and become upset. I'm surprised at how well he's adjusted to the move.

One of his old school friend's mum keeps facebooking me asking when we're coming back down to visit (my mum still lives in that area so we will be going down a few tims a year) as her ds is missing my ds and it'd be great to get them together.

But tbh, although I got on well with said mum, I'm worried that if we meet up with ds' old friends he will just get upset that he can't see them more often, and we'll be in the same position we were in when we 1st moved.

I am happy to just to put his old friends in the past. Is this a bit harsh you think?

Does anyone else's dc have long distance friends at that age?

 

[jd83]

If he has settled well and already made new friends, I don't think it would dredge up the past too much. If he was still struggling, yeah, I'd say may not be a good idea, but if he seems to be doing well and already made some new friends I think it would probably go over like visits with family you don't see often. Fun to see them, but not to be expected all the time since they don't live nearby. We have some friends like that, and my 4 yr old gets it that they don't live where we live so he can't play with them whenever he wants. He knows he has friends where we live that he can see more often.

 

[tommyg]

If you and the mum are still friends I see no reason not to spend some occasional time with her and the other child. But remind your LO that they have new friends near where you live. This could be welcome in the future too when your LO becomes a bit stroppy when it comes to going to visit Granny in the future if she has a friend to look forward to catching up with too.

My pre-school friend moved to the other side of town when just before we started school I've never spoken to him since. While I'm sure the friendship would have fizzled out naturally at some point, it being cut like that seems wrong, I often wonder how he is getting on.
I don't blame my mum for not organising playdates as she didn't drive and by the time I was in 2nd year of primary she was working full-time so time would have played a major factor but I've no doubt she possibly felt we would both move on anyway.

 

[Alias]

From the point of view of someone who moved as a child (although older) and who visited grandparents who lived far away, I have a different point of view.

When I was a child and we visited my grandparents for weeks at a time (other side of the country) I didn't have any friends there. I would have loved to have someone I knew who I could play with while I was visiting. Even if it's only a few days, I'm sure your son would love to spend some time with someone his own age.

Second, when we moved a day away from where I went to primary school, we went back to visit (about 8 months later) and seeing all those people who used to be my friends made me realise they really weren't my friends anymore.

From my 4 1/2 year old's point of view, when she moved to primary school she left behind all her pre school friends. But I promised her we'd see some of them again and we've made an effort to do that, she's seen two or three of them once since July. She's enjoyed seeing them again but it always takes them a little time to warm up to eachother again. But she enjoys seeing them and doesn't get broody or wishful about them afterwards.

So if your son has new friends and is settled in his new home, then I don't think letting him see his old friend on a visit will do any harm. I think it would be more of a problem if he *was* always talking about them or about going back.