repeat cs or VBAC with previous overdue big baby?

[MOMRETTIRC]

So sorry for the incredibly long post. I just need to get this off my chest. I know this question has been asked a billion times, but I would like to see if anyone has any experience with a situation like mine. I had my DS almost 4 months ago, and am not planning on TTC #2 until midway through next year. I had been charting when I conceived him, so I know exactly when conception occured, and I went overdue with him 2 weeks (despite trying all the home induction techniques in the book) before being forced to be induced, having a failed induction, only getting from a 4 to 6 cm after 16 hours of being on almost double the dose of pitocin, intervention, intervention, intervention...(you get the picture)... C section. Not exactly emergency, but definatly not planned. I knew in my heart when I was induced that I would have a CS because my body wasn't ready. DS was 9lbs 8 oz with a huge head, and my MW said I probably would not have been able to deliver him vaginally (which I don't believe to be necessarily true). I feel like had I been able to go into labor on my own, I would not have been confined to a bed, could have gotten him to turn and at least had a fair chance of delivering him vaginally. I have a lot of regrets about agreeing to the induction, and wonder if things would have gone differently had I refused (but they said that insurance would not pay for it if things went wrong when I went against medical advice). I have a lot of emotional healing to do still, as the whole experience (including the aftercare) was incredibly traumatic for me. I'm already stressed about getting pregnant again, and what I will do as far as VBAC or repeat CS.

So my question is this: I really would like to try for a VBAC. My MW said I could be an ok candidate if the next baby is smaller and I dont go overdue. How can I make this happen? My official reason for CS was "failure to progress" but since I was induced, I don't feel like that's a fair reason. I feel like if I go into labor on my own, I could have a chance to progress normally. BUT, what are the chances I will have a big baby again. Aren't second babies usually bigger? I only gained 30 lbs with the pregnancy and wasn't diabetic. does having a first big baby make you a less than ideal candidate for VBAC? Has anyone gone so far overdue with their first, and then had their second on time? Or am I likely to go overdue again the second time around? I know there are no good answers to these questions. Has anyone decided to try for a VBAC if they go into spontaneous labor, and if not, just plan a CS for 40 weeks? I know if I say I want a planned CS, then they do it at 39 weeks, but I am almost certain I'll never go into labor on my own by then. I want to make a decison that will keep my baby safe, but would like to have a chance to heal emotionally and not have to feel like a failure as a woman, like I'm broken (please don't jump down my throat about feeling this way, I can't help it)

If I chose a repeat CS, I can have the same surgeon (who did an amazing job) and not worry about having a bad surgeon in an emergency situation. I will not be able to have skin to skin though until I'm closed up, and will never know if I could have had my natural childbirth. If I have a trial of labor and fail, I feel like it will haunt me, and I'll always feel like I've failed. But if I succeed, I feel like I will be able to finally heal from my first "birth".

Don't get me wrong..I love my son more than anything is the world. I would do it all over again to have him, and my relationship wiht him hasn't suffered one bit. But my confidence has plummeted and I cry every time I look in the mirror and see my saggy stretch-marked belly with a giant red scar running accross it. it reminds me of how I let myself down, and how I can't even think of my son's arrival as "birth" because he had to be surgically removed from me. Even though every doctor, nurse, family member, friend tells me it was necessary and "at least I have a healthy baby and that's all that matters", it just makes me feel worse for being so selfish. I feel like I was cheated out of the chance to have my natural birth by being forced to be induced, though everyone tries to tell me I never could have delivered him on my own anyway.

I guess I'm just looking for support from someone who's been there and won't think I'm stupid for being sad about my son's delivery, as well as any positive (or not) stories of trying for VBAC with a similar history. I'd really like to let my sadness go about the first experience and feel better about my options for a future pregnancy, whichever route I decide to go.

Thanks for listening.

 

[LDC]

Hi there

I don't know how much support I'll be but here goes!

I also was induced (I had lo in the end at 42+1) and ended up with an emcs again due to non progressive labour. I went to 9cm and then back to 6cm after a 13 hour labour (from when they broke my waters, I was actually in established labour for just over a day). They also told me I'd never have delivered naturally as lo was back to back and also big, she was 10lb 1oz. I honestly do not believe that being induced altered my chances of having a vaginal birth or a section and after 2 weeks over, the chances of the umbilical cord etc breaking down are a lot higher which is why they try not to let you go over any more. I don't think lo having a "big head" per se would have stopped you delivering vaginally, however you need to think of position and size of your pelvis, there are a lot of factors that come into play when deciding if you could have delivered naturally or not; think of things like shoulder distocia (sp) etc.

It took me a little while to get over her labour too, I felt cheated that I didn't get the skin to skin and the emotion of pushing her into the world as that's what I'd assumed that I'd have done. Yet I still consider myself giving birth to her...she still came out of my body, albeit through the sun roof, but she still came out and I had to still work damn hard to get her here.

I think its easy to beat yourself up because we have this ideal image of what labour should be like, but after a while I realised that any labour is difficult and we adapt ourselves to the needs of getting our babies here as safely as possible.

You need to cut yourself some slack in regards to your body and wear that scar with pride, that's where your baby came from and a mark of Los birth. Be proud. You underwent major surgery for your lo. Your skin and scar will still be saggy, maybe wrinkled and red but your lo is only 4 months old. I'm only just starting to accept my body 10 months down the line but you'll get there.

I wouldn't worry about vbac or another section yet, it's wasted energy. I thought a lot about this and realised for now, there's no point stressing. Some people do have bigger second babies but others don't, I honestly think it's just pot luck the same as you never know when you'll go into labour. I'm personally opting for a planned section; I know that I could have a successful vbac but I just don't want to risk it to be honest and it freaks me out thinking what state I and lo would have been in if this labour had been natural and then they'd realised I couldn't get her out - it still freaks me out to this day and it was only when the dr intervened that they agreed for my emac, the midwife was willing me to just carry on!

I felt sad about my labour for a while, but you will feel better about it. I'm a person that couldn't deliver naturally on that occasion and that's ok. That wasn't what was intended for me and lo and hey I've come out the other side of it still a great mummy (or so I think) and with a gorgeous baby who knows no different.

Xx

 

[tristansmum]

I don't agree that you couldn't have delivered your baby vaginally due to weight. Only a very small percentage of women actually have a pelvis too small for their baby. So don't worry. 9lb 8 is big but it's certainly not off the scale. I've got a friend who had a 10lber delivered vaginally.
My first was emcs due to brow presentation. He was 7lb 10 but in a bad position and couldn't be turned even with forceps. My second was vbac at 40+6 and he was 9lb 3! Pushed him out with no assistance accept right at the end as his should got caught but they popped him out easily. I'm only tiny. 5ft and a UK 8/10 (US 4/6) and I delivered him fine.
I totally understand your feelings post section. I felt the same failure. Yes the baby being healthy is the most important thing but it's not the only important thing. Your disappointment in losing out on the birth experience you had hoped for is important too!!!!! I think unless it's happened to you it's hard for people to understand. 4 month isn't long. Give yourself time to heal.
I also understand your thinking about vbac. Literally as soon as my first was born I was thinking next time I'm having vbac. I thought about it for 2 yrs and 7 months! (age gap)
If you want a vbac next time then give your self time to go 'overdue'. Baby is due at somepoint between 37-42 weeks. Have a section scheduled for closer to 42 weeks. Here as I'd planned a vbac I just waited for labour to start. If I had not gone into Labour by 40+10 they would have given me the option of section or induction. Good luck x

 

[MOMRETTIRC]

THank you so much ladies for the responses.

LDC, it sounds like your situation is fairly similar to mine, going overdue, having a big baby and a CS. I love that you say that she came out through the "sun roof" That really made me smile looking at it that way. It's good to hear from someone in a similar situation who is at peace with doing an elective CS next time around and has a positive way of looking at your previous delivery. I hope that someday I get there, too.

Tristansmum, thanks for your response as well. Its great to hear VBAC stories, where mom goes on to deliver a big baby after her first CS. It sounds like you did an amazing job, and that's great that they let you go that long "overdue". Were you overdue with your first? My midwife told me that they generally will not "allow" you to go over much with a VBAC, which is one of my main worries, as I imagine since I went overdue by over two weeks with my first, that the next will probably take longer to "cook" as well. But I guess there is no way of predicting that.

It really is great to hear from both sides. I really appreciate you taking the time to respond, and I'm so happy that both of you have overcome the disappointment from having a CS. I hope I'll be able to get there in time, as well. Thanks so much!

 

[tristansmum]

You will get there! I found that over time his birth became less important to me. To start its so fresh in your mind and everyone wants to talk about your birth story but overtime it changes. I think at 6 months it got a bit easier. I don't know when I would have had my first as I was induced on my due date with obstetric cholestasis but I'm thinking it might have been in that week. But who knows!?

 

[Wilsey]

I went into labour naturally with my son at 41 weeks. Tried pushing for an hour but he didn't progress and became distressed. The doctor said his head would just not fit even if I pushed for days. He was 9lbs 2oz.
I was extremely disappointed to say the least. He also had a minute of skin to skin with me before being taken to NICU for 2.5 days due to a pneumothorax. The whole birth just went belly up (pun intended )

Fast forward 16 months and I was due for my second (a girl) and had some decisions to make. Seemed like my options were 1) section at 39 weeks (avoid labour),2) try labour naturally succesfully, 3) try labour naturally unsuccessfully and have an emcs or 4) they set my a limit and I had a planned c-section.

For me, the babies size was a factor. She was estimated around the 8lbs mark. Out of the options above I noticed most ended in a section. I decided not to have a planned one at 39 weeks. I figured that I might as well give my body at shot at this, it may well end in a section anyway but if I had one at 39 weeks I'd never know.

I was due October 17 and my midwife booked my c-section for October 16. So no going overdue for me since I was a week overdue with our first, I didn't hold out much hope. But I tried to remain positive, either way I'd havemy beautiful baby in a matter of days. I didn't bother with old wives tales induction techniques as I didn't wanna put pressure on myself.

October 12 and my body decided it was go time. I had a quick drug free labour and baby came out the natural way at 7lbs 9oz. I'm glad I didn't book the section at 39 weeks and well to be honest, I would have been disappointed to have another section...but you just have to do what you have to do to get the baby out safely. I would have made peace with it like I did the first time.


Best of luck x